


Girl With Golden Eyes

by Shinsun



Series: Girl With Golden Eyes [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Blatant Inaccuracies, Blowjobs, Disgusting sap, Drug Use, Emotional Roller Coaster, Heartless Author, Hospitals, M/M, Recovery, Relapse, Smoking, Smut, Suspension Of Disbelief, Time Skips, Withdrawal, minor OCs - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:23:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2047926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinsun/pseuds/Shinsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Previously "Drowning". Aomine and Kagami have been a couple for years, Aomine shoots heroin, and it's only a matter of time before everything spirals out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The immaculate room was crystal clear, with nice right angles and simple colors that should have been easy to focus on, but Kagami could barely see anything as he was ushered through the doors, his feet forgetting their primary function to move him forward at the moment. He was in shock, already, by what he'd heard, but when he laid eyes on the unnaturally still, unnaturally fragile form on the single cot in the hospital room, it was like everything shut down. All he could hear was the monotone beep of the heart monitor, when he wasn't sure if his own heart was even beating; all he could see was the clear plastic tubes under the deathly still person's nose, aiding his breathing, when he couldn't even remember what air was supposed to feel like in his lungs.

 _How did it come to this…?_ The thought was fragmented, like a fumbled stone skittering across the spotless linoleum floor. _...How did I not see this?_

Something was clamping down on his stomach, clenching viciously until he wondered if he would throw up, and he took a numb, staggering step closer to the bed, bracing a hand against the clean white sheets, but unable to bring himself to touch the unconscious patient lying there.

_Aomine….How did you do this to yourself?_

He was motionless; with the blurring of Kagami's vision it was impossible to tell if his chest was even rising or falling. He might have been dead. In fact, he very easily could have been, judging from what the nurse had chattered in his ear before bringing him in here. Just words, mostly stupid, meaningless questions like " _You were his emergency contact; are you a relative?_ ", and " _Do you know how to administer naloxone in the event of an overdose?_ ", but snippets of her brief explanation drifted back to him now, unearthed from his stagnant mind. _Passed out...almost stopped his heart...coma for two days…._

…. _Coma for two days….coma._.. Unbelievable. Impossible. For three years, Aomine had been so meticulous with his deadly habit, so wary of the devil he danced with every day, making sure not to slip up even once. He knew what the stakes were, for courting his "girl", he knew the dangers….and somehow he had reassured Kagami that it would still be alright. He had soothed almost every worry; "I feel fine," "I'm tough; my body's in peak condition," "the track marks will go away eventually,"...

Even where he was lying now, the tube hooked up to the IV embedded in his hand passed right by the still-outraged flesh at the crease of his elbow; past the inflamed, crusted veins into which he'd daily shoved a different kind of needle. It occurred to Kagami sluggishly that Aomine had lied. Perhaps about all of it…. And that made him feel contaminated, like he'd given away something precious only to find it smashed to bits in a dumpster the next day. He'd trusted Aomine...he hadn't been given a choice, and he decided he would have preferred if it had been himself who had to pay the price. This helpless feeling as he stood beside the person he loved, not knowing if he would ever see him open his beautiful deep blue eyes again, was worse than any hell that could have been unleashed on his body and soul.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Three years before…._

It was stupid. Laughable, ridiculous, and probably the dumbest mistake he would ever make in his life, but with his breath racing and blood pumping hot from the grueling one-on-one duels against his ferocious equal that had lasted hours, Kagami wasn't exactly thinking straight. He just didn't want the glorious afternoon to end, didn't want to stop feeling like he was on top of the world, didn't want to stop looking into those blazing blue eyes that made him feel aggravated and excited at the same time. And so, he didn't take time to sort his words before he blurted out the first thing to come to mind, stopping Aomine as he was gathering his things to leave.

"Do you want to go out with me?" He wanted to hit his head against the concrete as soon as the impulsive question was out, knowing his words had gotten tangled and it would be misinterpreted.

Aomine sputtered something and whirled around to look at him like he'd sprouted a second head. "Wh-what?" he stammered, anger and incredulity already contorting his sweating face.

"To eat!" Kagami amended frantically, sure he was turning some hilarious shade of red or purple as he struggled to get the words out, "Out to eat, I meant, Jesus…"

Aomine blinked, and then took a step back, looking like he was sizing him up warily. "What for?"

Trying to smooth over the disastrous slip-up, Kagami picked his words hesitantly, "Food? I'm hungry, I thought you would be too. I just...th-that is...I meant we could just grab something at the Maji, of c-course I didn't mean it like -"

"Sure," Aomine muttered noncommittally, apparently deciding to rescue him before he could make more of a fool of himself, slinging his bag over his shoulder, "You're paying, Bakagami."

 _That was fast…_ Kagami thought, swallowing with relief that his blunder hadn't irrevocably repulsed his rival and friend, and that he'd seemed to understand it was just an accident. _No way I'd mean it the way it sounded..._ Shaking his head in exasperation at his own idiocy, he grabbed his bag and the basketball they'd been using and followed Aomine, who'd already left the street court in the direction of the restaurant in question, whistling with his hands in his pockets.

.

.

"You know, it's times like these that I truly believe you're American," Aomine said, equal measures of mocking and genuine astonishment in his voice, as Kagami scarfed down his eleventh burger with the usual zeal. Their routine of playing ball to exhaustion before getting dinner at Maji Burger had perpetuated for about two weeks, and during that stretch of time they had grown more comfortable in each other's presence, lightly poking and teasing back and forth on a regular basis. Sometimes Kagami believed Aomine was under the impression his name was in fact "moron", with the occasional affectionate "asshole" or some other variation thrown in just for kicks.

"Wot cunni say," Kagami got out around the food in his mouth, the words distorted by his bulging cheeks, he gave a tremendous swallow and continued, "I burn a lot of calories."

His rival chuckled and peeled the wrapper of his mere second teriyaki burger, "So do I, but I sure don't eat like _that_. You look like a fucking squirrel."

"So I've been told," Kagami shrugged, starting on yet another burger, to bring his count to an even dozen, shooting his friend a sly smirk, "Maybe you should take notes; get some meat on those bones."

Aomine gaped, looking both affronted and amused at once, and raised one long, tan arm, flexing his prominent bicep muscle with a confident leer, "Are you kidding me?"

Burger gripped between his teeth, Kagami applauded the show teasingly, though he had felt a pulse of admiration, being reminded of the athletic perfection of the player before him. At least...he was pretty sure it was admiration; respect didn't generally make one's stomach twist in knots, did it? Maybe Aomine was right and he was eating too much.

"Besides, if a normal person ate like you, they'd get obese," the dark man went on, taking a delicate bite of his own food, counteracted by him speaking with his mouth full, "You've just got superhuman abilities and a black hole for a stomach."

Kagami set down his burger, chasing a stray drop of ketchup at the side of his mouth with his tongue and shrugging again, "Maybe so...mostly I just really like food."

He could feel Aomine's eyes focused intently on him, even as his own gaze dropped to his meal, and, curious, he glanced up. Clearing his throat, his rival pointedly looked away as if he hadn't been staring, for reasons unknown to Kagami, taking a much larger, faster bite from his teriyaki sandwich...and then promptly choking on it as he tried to swallow.

Kagami watched him attempt to cough and hack to dislodge the obstruction in his throat, but then it hit him that he wasn't succeeding, color flooding his face. Leaping to his feet, he quickly moved over to the other side of the table, hooking his arms around Aomine's midsection and sharply compressing his solar plexus once, twice, before the soggy projectile flew from his mouth, across the room, plunking right into some gentleman's glass of water.

"Huh," Kagami mused as Aomine fought for air, observing the man's mortified reaction, "Even when you're choking, you've got perfect aim."

He got a painful blow from Aomine's elbow to his stomach for the remark, "Sh-shut up, dumbass…"

Wincing from the impact, it occurred to him that he hadn't moved his hands from their position wrapped around his rival, and he dazedly wondered if the red staining Aomine's cheeks was from embarrassment as well as asphyxiation. He slowly took note that Aomine was very warm by nature, the muscles of his stomach hard and compact against his knuckles…

"Let go." he blinked at the impatient, almost unnerved command - it dawned on him that his hesitation might have made Aomine nervous; being in such a vulnerable position - and hastened to obey, hands scrambling away as he backed off. Why had it taken him so long to do that in the first place?

"What happened?" he asked after a moment, returning to his booth on the other side of the table and folding his arms against the edge.

"...N-nothing, just...went down the wrong pipe." His friend still seemed terribly flustered, flushing and fidgeting, despite recovering his breath and giving the simple answer.

"Well, you should be careful you don't hurt yourself," Kagami teased, trying to gloss over the moment and lighten the strangely tense mood. To his surprise, Aomine's flush only darkened at his statement, and he found himself thinking absurdly that red was a nice color against his bronze skin. Where had that come from? _Great, now_ I'm _blushing_ …

A long, awkward silence fell, the food that was still on the table forgotten and growing cold with each passing minute, not that either party particularly noticed.

"Um...it's getting late," Kagami mumbled eventually, acknowledging that he'd folded his napkin into just about every contortion possible, and it was now a wrinkled mess.

"Yeah," Aomine nodded, a little too quickly, getting to his feet, "See you tomorrow."

"See you," Kagami replied, the words hardly out of his mouth before Aomine turned and left, seeming an awful lot like he was fleeing. _Is he that embarrassed?_ Sure, he'd been undignified for a moment, and had needed assistance, but everyone did at some point, didn't they? _Must be his strength thing...not relying on other people for anything._ Somehow, he felt like there was a piece he was missing, but though he stayed for several minutes longer, and put his critical thinking through its paces until his head started to hurt, he couldn't imagine what. 

.

.

 

They met up the next day as planned, played a few matches, ate at the Maji, and headed home as usual. At first it had been uncomfortable, and words were sparing...that weird, inexplicably tense atmosphere was back almost as soon as they laid eyes on each other… But once the ball hit the pavement and they started to play, everything else melted away, and both of them relaxed and just let loose, as exuberant and intense as always as they raced back and forth across the court, shoving and dodging and flinging vicious shots at their respective hoops. Then, exhausted almost to the point of collapse, they'd traipsed to Maji Burger and devoured as many helpings as they could eat, before calling it a day and bidding one another farewell. It only hit Kagami hours later, when he was lying in bed, that there had been almost none of the usual banter, and he'd maybe said a round dozen words to his rival in total over the course of the afternoon.

It went on like this for several days, but it was only a matter of time before the stretching tension between them snapped.

Panting heavily, sweating to the very roots of his hair, Kagami admitted defeat at the end of their fifth match; bringing his total wins to only one, versus Aomine's four. His rival was unrelenting and downright savage today, seizing the ball at every opportunity and all but trampling Kagami under his feet as he slammed it in again and again. The ferocity was startling, and if he didn't know better, Kagami would be wondering if Aomine was in the Zone; his focus blotted out everything else, and without sparing breath for taunting or strategizing, he'd simply crushed whatever was in his path without mercy or pause. Kagami had scraped a single victory, but he was lucky to have gotten that much, and the burning exhaustion that was settling on him now was like that of a real, all-or-nothing game.

His legs were shaking alarmingly, and staggering a few steps, he braced a hand against the chain link fence bordering the court, gasping for breath and dazedly glancing at his opponent. Aomine, standing a few feet away, was likewise hampered; hands braced against his knees, heaving for air as though he would run out of it at any moment. Wiping sweat out of his eyes, he stood straight and approached Kagami unsteadily, falling against the fence beside him and gripping the metal links to keep himself standing. It was surprising; Kagami didn't think he'd ever seen him quite this wiped out, and he was about to comment on it when Aomine cut him off.

"It's...no use," he managed, looking at Kagami with glittering eyes, "I can't get you out of my fucking head…"

That brought Kagami up short, and his mouth dropped open as he searched for words that had deserted him, at a loss. Aomine didn't miss a beat, lunging and harshly covering his lips with his own, grappling, sucking, and all but eating them whole. Taken aback, Kagami forgot to protest, forgot to push his rival away...and just about forgot his own name. He did register that - though it was shocking and definitely unexpected - somehow it felt _right_ , so he shoved the budding questions and concerns aside for now and let Aomine do what he liked.

When Aomine finally broke away, it was to gulp several starved, desperate breaths, but Kagami took the opportunity to try to speak.

Try being the operative word. "Wait, wh...what did you…? Why did…?" Obviously, that wasn't getting him anywhere, so he tried to pick just one question and at least manage to get that out. "What did...you mean back there?"

To his surprise, Aomine gave a shaky chuckle, and when he looked at his rival, he could see a wide grin spreading across his face, much as he tried to conceal it by lowering his head.

"Just perfect, of course...of course it's you; how ironic," the darker man said, the words spilling over each other, as if he wasn't aware of what he was saying. He glanced up and met Kagami's gaze, his own a little pleasure-hazed and, contrastingly, a little shell-shocked, "Do you have any idea how long I've been agonizing over it? Must have passed right by at least five totally hot chicks without a second glance, and even Mai-chan hasn't been…" he broke off, and if Kagami hadn't been blushing before, he certainly was now.

"You've been driving me fucking crazy," Aomine concluded matter-of-factly, "Ever since that day at the Maji."

Once again, Kagami came up empty-handed when he tried to articulate, "Wh-what…?"

Shaking his head with exasperation, Aomine's grin slid into a smirk, "Just shut up and kiss me, you moron."

.

.

And just like that, they were dating. It took Kagami by complete surprise, but when he thought about it, he probably should have seen it coming a mile away. And honestly, he had no complaints; when Aomine had kissed him on the street court, something intangible had clunked into place, and the conflict and tension had simply fizzled out, replaced by a roaring fire of want. He wanted to be close to Aomine, to kiss him until he couldn't breathe anymore and play more brutal, exhausting matches against him, but there was one little problem...he had no idea how he was supposed to initiate that.

So while he was scratching his head wondering how the hell he was going to bring it up, Aomine was quick to snatch up the reins, and showed him precisely how it was done...namely, taking what he wanted when he wanted, if he was able. It wasn't as if he was forcing anything; Kagami was perfectly capable of shoving him away or otherwise stopping him, but he didn't see any reason to. Anyone with functional eyes would call Aomine an attractive package, and while he wasn't quite accustomed to the idea of finding masculine angles attractive instead of feminine curves, he wasn't particularly bothered.

Alright, that was an understatement. Aomine would be able to tell a different tale, judging by how he got Kagami's knees to go weak when he kissed him; got him to lean into his scorching touch, when his nimble fingers traced his cheek or jaw. There was no denying that Kagami wanted him...with a startling, preoccupying kind of want that hit him full-force at the most inappropriate of times. And as soon as Aomine realized how deeply he had him hooked, of course he started to hold it over his head.

"See something you like, Bakagami?" he taunted, tracing his lower lip with his tongue; flaming, half-lidded eyes a seductress that Kagami felt pulling him, all the way up from his toes. His mind went fuzzy, and he felt the basketball leaving his hand bounce abruptly off his shoe and ricochet in a random direction, crashing violently into the chain link fence before thudding to the ground and rolling away. Both of them just looked over at the fallen object with mild surprise, neither making a move to go after it...Aomine had never inhibited his concentration quite that badly before. Dribbling was second nature, and he could do it easily without looking at or thinking about it; he hadn't misplaced a ball like that since he was an inexperienced little kid.

"Well shit, I'll take that as a yes," Aomine snickered, motioning with a hand, "Come here."

Eager to comply, Kagami shot forward and latched onto that sinful, grinning mouth, pressing between his lips with his tongue and edging closer to him. In the week or so since they'd started dating, his confidence had taken an upswing, and he didn't feel so awkward instigating this kind of contact anymore, and could in fact be just as demanding as his rival, just as ravenous for touch and taste. He ground his mouth against Aomine's, tongues wrestling, teeth scraping, as he was pinned against the fence, Aomine's hands at his waist. His own fingers roamed from his shoulders down his lean, strong arms, but suddenly, Aomine jerked away as if he'd been burned, breaking the kiss unceremoniously and taking one or two steps back.

Disoriented, it took him a moment to comprehend what had happened, and he gave his rival a quizzical look, closing the distance between them again. Aomine's gaze was averted, darting to the fence and the ground and anything but Kagami's face, and Kagami caught a glimpse of sweat pricking his forehead...something seemed off.

"What's wrong?" he decided to ask straight out.

"Nothing," Aomine responded immediately, compulsively gripping his left arm with his right hand. This turned out to be a mistake, as Kagami's hand quickly reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him over and examining closely. Appearing to recognize defeat, Aomine reluctantly lowered his hand, and Kagami's eyes landed immediately on what he'd been trying to conceal. The taut, vulnerable skin of his inner elbow was slightly reddened and swollen, the veins seeming to stand out more than they should have, and he thought he might have glimpsed a few darker indentations...puncture marks. There was something unnatural about it, something forced and harmful that made the back of Kagami's neck prickle with unease.

"What...is this?" his voice had dropped in volume, but something in his tone must have told Aomine he was dead serious, because he swallowed hard and extricated his arm from his grasp again.

"Just a rash," he lied, and it was plain to see that he was lying.

Kagami met his gaze with eyes like daggers. His mind was already piecing together the answer, and he didn't like it when it became clear. He wanted to ask a thousand more questions, but _how long_ was at the top of the list.

He didn't think he would like the answer to that question either...if only because something so enormous had completely escaped his notice. How had he not _noticed_? Aomine hadn't even been doing anything to hide it; hadn't been wearing long sleeves or anything like that, and it had still taken actual physical contact with the area for Kagami to see it.

He didn't want to know anymore. Couldn't bear to know how long he'd been so blind. But right now it didn't hurt so much that Aomine was actively, deliberately destroying himself right in front of him, for whatever reason - and he couldn't even begin to think of why he would do this… It hurt more that his go-to response had been to lie right to his face.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been a huge, immobilizing shock to discover that Aomine was doing drugs, had been...for however long; he refused to say. But now that he observed his appearance and behavior with the newfound awareness, Kagami wondered how he could have missed it. He supposed he had just been unwilling to see, and had put blinders on himself so he wouldn't have to; ignorance was bliss, after all, but he could no longer wallow in it with the problem right in front of his eyes.

One thing that he wondered how he could have possibly overlooked was the constant sweat. Even doing nothing, just walking or even sitting down, Aomine's skin was covered in a thin, waxy sheen of it, making him start to look tired and sickly if one stared long enough. The haze of his eyes, shadowed by dark, sleepless circles, and the lackluster tone of his navy blue hair didn't help the picture.

He didn't seem to act much different, at least not that Kagami had noticed before. He'd always been rather volatile, but now that Kagami took a closer look….his mood took tremendous swings, day to day. Sometimes he was energetic and talkative, and teased Kagami with a vengeance while laughing out loud; other times he was brisk and impatient, and said almost nothing, just glaring hatefully at everything and trudging when he walked. Often he simply seemed to be lethargic, and though he'd always known Aomine to be lazy and rather laid-back, it was startling just how tired he seemed to be on a daily basis...a kind of exhaustion that seeped from every pore of his being and made Kagami start to wonder how he was even still standing. But then he would prove him wrong, and show just how active he could be on the basketball court, as if nothing had changed and the weariness was merely an illusion.

Aomine refused to talk about it; pretending not to hear or downright telling Kagami to mind his own business when he tried to broach the subject. And, frustrated, Kagami came to the conclusion that he would have to find irrefutable evidence in order to get his rival to admit what he was doing. And a month and a half passed with no such luck, during which time he just sucked it up and played along with Aomine's stubborn charade of normalcy...much as it ate at him to pretend nothing was wrong when he knew otherwise.

More than anything, he wanted to tell someone; someone he trusted who could help and tell him what he should do about the situation, but every time he came close to spilling everything to Riko or Hyuuga or Kuroko, in the back of his mind he could almost hear Aomine's disappointed sigh, or feel his outrage at being ratted out, or some combination of the two...and he couldn't do it. So he kept his mouth shut, and the closer he and Aomine gradually grew to each other, the closer he got to the dark secret he'd kept bottled up for his friend's sake. Their scheduled matches on the street court and dinners at Maji Burger continued like normal, but it didn't stop there. Nowadays they also spent a lot of time at one another's houses, or else just went somewhere together; a park, a restaurant, or the movies, it didn't always matter where. In fact, Kagami spent more of his free time around Aomine alone than he spent around anyone else.

And he would be damned if _that_ wasn't really stressful.

Not that he didn't enjoy spending time with his boyfriend, especially now that he had become that; quite the opposite. It was just that...when he enjoyed himself by Aomine's side, something in him felt guilty and wrong, like he should be distancing himself from him, or giving him the silent treatment or something. But he was still himself, still acted much the same and still kissed Kagami like he was all he ever wanted, and as far as Kagami was concerned, he hadn't earned any punishment for doing what he was doing...yet. He might change his mind once he dug up the why, but until then, nothing had really changed all that much. Except that he was losing sleep dramatically, and kept worrying that his hair would start falling out in clumps with the strain of it all.

.

.

He wasn't sure how exactly he started smoking. It wasn't about relaxation or feeling good, it was about sanity. Because he was starting to recognize that Aomine's shifts in mood adhered almost entirely to when he'd gotten his last fix, and he acted more like _himself_ when he was under the influence...which was disturbing. And as he got accustomed to the circumstances, he was coming to the guilty conclusion that he liked high Aomine more than sober Aomine; a fact that honestly frightened him.

It was almost two months into their relationship, and Kagami had purposely distanced himself from his boyfriend; telling him he had things to do when in reality, he just needed some air and time to himself without the self-loathing riding him so strongly.

It didn't work very well, as without the distraction of Aomine's presence, the only thing he had to focus on was what was bothering him. He was alone on the street court, shooting some layups to try to loosen the tension...and then pouring his frustration into devastating dunks that shook the whole backboard when that didn't work. He almost expected to see sparks leaping from the ball when it hit the pavement, he was dribbling so fast; almost expected to feel his knees give out with how hard he let himself fall when he let go of the hoop, and his acrobatics must have drawn some attention, because he looked up after what felt like hours to find he had an audience.

" _Dude, that was freaking awesome_!" one of the guys leaning against the other side of the fence called gleefully, the choppy English words making Kagami's ears perk up. _Tourists, probably…_ Despite himself, he moved over to where the group was gathered, joining them outside the court.

" _Where'd you learn to dunk like that?"_ the first person asked, only to be elbowed by one of his friends, who made a motion at Kagami.

" _He probably has no idea what you're saying; don't confuse him."_

Kagami laughed, and the sound coming from his own throat almost made him jump in surprise. It felt like forever since he'd let himself laugh out loud.

" _I can speak English,"_ he said, the words sounding a little more slurred and jumbled together than the others' speech. He lifted the ball in his hand, " _You play?"_

" _A little,"_ one of the taller people in the group shrugged, " _Nothing like_ that, _just some street ball sometimes."_

Grinning, almost forgetting what had had him so tense these past few weeks, Kagami bounced the ball against the pavement once, " _Want to play a quick match?"_

" _A-against_ you?" the person who had been the first to speak stammered incredulously, " _No way."_

Kagami frowned slightly, " _Five on one?"_

That offer seemed to entice them much more effectively, but even when he was so outnumbered, Kagami defeated his new opponents thoroughly and easily, in a matter of minutes; stealing the ball often and slipping past unprofessional, sneaky defense to jam it into its hoop over and over. And maybe part of it was him showing off...just a little. He had to represent his team back at Seirin's abilities well, right? He was sweating and beaming by the time he reached the allotted number of points to win, dropping to the ground and looking around at his exhausted, panting company, only to find that most of them had ditched him, moving back to their fence and slouching against it. He approached them uncertainly, leaning against the metal barrier a little more cautiously beside them, unsure if he would be welcome.

" _Damn, I need a smoke,"_ one of them muttered, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lighting one, taking a long pull. Kagami wrinkled his nose at the acrid smell, but didn't comment, just observing the strangers; it wasn't often he ran into people from America, and he was intrigued. Besides that, the whole mess with Aomine had all but left his mind…

 _Shit..._ As soon as his thoughts turned to that, they refused to waver, and he dropped his gaze anxiously as the American guys started to chat among themselves, studying the concrete under his feet. At least one of them must have seen the stress and worry and conflict surfacing in his face, however, because he spoke up.

" _Hey, what's eating you, man? You look terrible."_

And that was where his memory got a bit unreliable. Caught in the moment, he wasn't sure how he went from forcing a terse " _I'm fine,"_ to placing a cigarette between his teeth. He didn't remember if he'd revealed any information, or if any of them had even offered one to him, but before he knew it he was breathing in the crisp, soothing nicotine, and once his lungs and throat stopped protesting and insisting he cough and choke to rid himself of the burning sensation, he might have felt a tiny sliver of relief.

.

.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

He winced at the loud demand, almost right in his ear, but paid Aomine's hysterics little mind, taking the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling a cloud of smoke, leaning his arms against the railing on the balcony of his apartment.

Appearing infuriated that Kagami hadn't answered, Aomine stomped over and shoved him, causing him to stagger a step to regain his balance, "Hey asswipe, I'm talking to you!"

Kagami returned the object of his boyfriend's outrage to his mouth and took another drag, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from his shirt, "I thought it kind of went without saying," he said coolly, "Or have you never seen a person smoke before?"

Aomine grit his teeth, hands clenching into fists at his sides. He opened his mouth as if to retort, and then closed it again, almost visibly giving off steam.

"What's the big deal?" Kagami asked, crossing his arms, "It's not up to you what I choose to do, and if it helps me relax…"

"You. Are. An _athlete._ " Aomine snapped, biting off each word as if they tasted foul, "Not just that, you're the only one whose pathetic ass can take me on in a match; don't you _care_ about -?"

But Kagami was laughing. Grim, humorless laughter released with little bursts of gray smoke between his lips, "You're a fine one to talk; is your temper so short because you've gone a day or two without shooting a dose?"

Aomine looked for an instant like he'd been slapped, mouth dropping open and face going paler than Kagami had ever seen it. Then fury blotched his scorching blue eyes, turning his expression ugly.

"That's crossing a line," he growled, in almost a whisper.

"Is it?" Kagami shot back, not shying away from his irate face, "You must think I'm really fucking stupid, not to figure it out. Or else you're just perpetuating this delusion so you don't get your pride hurt."

"A five-syllable word," Aomine sneered in mock surprise, "I'm impressed."

"Fuck off." Kagami retaliated coldly, extinguishing his cigarette against the metal railing. "And don't change the subject."

Aomine looked as if there were several vicious things he wanted to snarl in response, and Kagami could see the defensiveness of his stance, like he believed he was being attacked and wasn't at fault. _In his mind, he never is…_

But eventually, his shoulders just slumped tiredly, and the rage and heat in his eyes dulled to a rigid bitterness. He looked away from Kagami, wringing his hands, an action that made him seem strangely forlorn.

"Fine, I…" his voice cracked and he trailed off for a moment, wrestling with himself, "...I understand if you...don't want to do this anymore. We can break up, and…"

"No." Kagami said shortly, with finality, but his conviction wavered as he tried to continue, "I-I want to be with you, I just...want you to admit it and stop making me live in denial for you."

"Admit wh…?"

"Please don't treat me like I don't have a brain," he interrupted tonelessly.

Aomine was silent for a long moment, and eventually he shifted and leaned his folded arms on the railing, glancing at Kagami out of the corner of his eye.

"Alright, I…" Kagami saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, "I've been using heroin...since the Winter Cup. Wakamatsu mentioned he knew a guy with a stash of dirt, and I just wondered… I didn't think…"

"Idiot." Kagami sighed, closing his eyes. Though he'd known what he was going to hear, for some reason he was _still_ surprised. Mostly that Aomine had actually owned up to it; part of him had suspected he wouldn't. "You never think."

He thought he heard Aomine echo the soft sigh, but he might have imagined it. He could almost hear the clinking of him swallowing down shards of pride as he went on, "I didn't know...what to expect, but the guy kept saying it was out of this world, and for about two hours, I agreed with him. Now I'm not so sure, but I still keep coming back to it."

"You're addicted, dumbass."

Aomine snorted, "Am not, I could stop any time I want…"

"So stop." Kagami said simply, eyes snapping back open and seeking his out, "And never touch it again."

The darker man seemed to think about it, eyebrows furrowing, and Kagami glimpsed a barely-discernable flicker of fear crossing his face for about half a second as the idea registered.

"But -" he began, sounding a little frantic for maybe the first time since Kagami had met him.

"There you go."

"Bastard."

Kagami shrugged, "Hey, you can't pin this on me. _You_ messed up."

"I didn't mess anything up," Aomine grumbled stubbornly.

Kagami released another low exhale and broke eye contact, looking out at the sun gradually being swallowed by the horizon.

"Keep telling yourself that," he said in a resigned, barely audible murmur.

.

.

Since Aomine's confession, Kagami didn't feel quite so twisted up, and things seemed to smooth out the barest bit. He still had no idea what they were going to do about his addiction now that it was out there, but he told himself those were worries for another day, and for now his primary concern was keeping the relationship between them stable, in a loose sense of the word. His rival's show of honesty was reassuring, because it meant that he cared enough about his relationship, cared enough about _Kagami_ , to suppress his ego in favor of returning to his good graces, and maybe alleviating some of the stress.

He still scowled at Kagami whenever he lit a cigarette, with the slight scrunching of his nose that Kagami found nonsensically, stupidly adorable, and sometimes he muttered something snide in passing to further emphasize that he disapproved of his burgeoning habit, but they hadn't fought about it again, and Kagami put up with the passive aggression because in a way, it was another example of how Aomine showed he cared. He only disapproved so strongly in the first place because Kagami was damaging his health, and he was trying to look out for him.

But it seemed after a while he noticed how smoking calmed Kagami's nerves almost instantly, and made him loosen up, because he surprised him a week or two later by asking to join him in it. Kagami was hesitant; leery of the effects using two drugs on top of each other would have on him, but conceded and handed him a cigarette of his own.

It became something of a buffer for him, between doses - it wasn't as common for him to light up as it was for Kagami, but he indulged now and again, usually when he was feeling edgy or restless - and he seemed to become more relaxed. They argued a little less overall, and eventually the subject of his frequent intoxication ebbed from being a horrifying issue to just a matter of course. Kagami got used to it; and while getting comfortable with his boyfriend being a heroin addict probably should have been troubling, he simply accepted it, because it was easier not to make it a problem.

And slowly, without either of them really noticing it had happened, a new milestone had been crossed. Although Kagami came to the revelation by means of discovering a pair of Aomine's dirty socks wedged between the cushions of his couch, reaffirmed by the idiot showing up on his doorstep at ten-thirty at night because he'd forgotten his keys, it was an important turn of events. Aomine was gradually claiming Kagami's apartment as his second home. He crashed there whenever he had spare time; stayed most afternoons and weekends, and even spent the night, on occasion.

One of these nights, while they were making out keenly in Kagami's bed - something that had become a regular occurrence - tongues tangling, hands roving, hips grinding together, Aomine broke away a moment, and Kagami was surprised to see him flushing deeply, looking agitated.

"What's up?" he asked softly, flattening an errant lock of dark blue hair into place.

Aomine's voice rasped when he spoke, and his hands stayed where they were, making small circles at Kagami's waist.

"I need you, tonight…"

Kagami blinked, certain he'd misheard, "What?"

"I want to have sex with you, dumbass!" he blurted impatiently, and Kagami rolled his eyes with a mixture of exasperation and relief; that sounded much more like him.

But the implied question itself gave him pause. He knew Aomine wanted him; could feel it, pressed flush against his leg, and that was definitely a mutual desire; but it was also an enormous step, one that couldn't be taken back. He considered it, and searched the wide, nervous eyes above his own for several silent seconds before gradually deciding to trust them.

"Okay," he said cautiously, shifting slightly beneath his larger rival.

Aomine blinked, "Okay?" Said as if he didn't understand the meaning of the word.

"I said go for it, idiot, you'd better get in gear before I change my mind," Kagami laughed, leaning up quickly to swipe at his lips with his own.

Aomine didn't need to be told again, and he just about flattened Kagami to the mattress with the exuberance of his grateful, invasive kiss, rubbing up against him with a sensuality that spoke of eagerness to please, and a little jolt that spoke of inexperience. It occurred to Kagami then that Aomine might actually have no idea what he was doing, this being his first time too, but he didn't let it bother him...they could take their time and feel out what they each liked.

That night, they learned each other in the deepest way possible; taking turns leading and keeping up a constant stream of physical and verbal feedback, before simply letting their bodies take over communication, caressing and grappling with hands and mouths alike amid steamy pants and breathless moans, as they both worked up to the edge. And as Aomine finally buried himself deep, his latex-covered length hitting that one, crucial place that made the initial sting and burn fade and flashed stars in front of Kagami's eyes, he couldn't find a trace of regret for anything since meeting his perfect rival.

It didn't take long for Kagami's stomach to tighten, toes curling, eyes squeezing shut, as he was pushed to the brink of something he couldn't grasp, couldn't comprehend, but it could not and would not be stopped. As Aomine thrust home once more, his back arched off the bed and orgasm crashed over him, tearing a shout from his throat as his pulsing cock released ropes of sticky cum, and his rival and lover followed right behind, groaning something that sounded like his name as a shudder ran through his whole body. And then, exhausted to the point of bonelessness, they lay intertwined, holding each other close as heavy sleep claimed them both.

.

.

When Kagami awoke, he felt as if he'd been run over by something very large, very sweaty, and judging from the ringing in his ears, very loud. Every inch of him ached, and it felt amazing. It only took him a few groggy moments to realize the strong pair of arms that had held him were now absent, and, sitting up painfully and raking a hand through his rumpled hair, he laid eyes on Aomine, shirtless on the edge of his bed, flicking the side of a slender syringe with his thumb and forefinger. It was one thing Kagami was _not_ pleased to see move into his house, but he knew already that he kept it here regardless. Aomine didn't seem to realize he was being watched, and Kagami's gaze shifted to his powerful arm, bound tightly around the bicep with what looked like a shoelace to make the veins at his elbow pop, and he quickly averted his gaze when his boyfriend started slipping the needle under his skin, hiding a wince.

Gradually, unease blended into grim curiosity, and after a moment Kagami scooted closer to him, all the things he'd wanted to say and ask that he'd never gotten out weighing on the tip of his tongue.

"Why did you start...doing this?" was what ended up coming out of his mouth. He'd heard Aomine's explanation, yes, but it had several gaping holes the other seemed very adamant about keeping to himself.

He must have sounded accusatory, because Aomine fixed him with an indigo glare as he withdrew the needle from his skin, setting it aside and untying the shoelace constraint from his arm. Kagami expected him to just avoid the question, or give a vague answer as he was prone to do; what he didn't expect was for him to sigh and lay back, folding his arms under his head before speaking quietly and seriously.

"When I was in the Zone against you, when I finally opened that door, I felt amazing, unstoppable and euphoric, like nothing in the world could go wrong. It was possibly the best I've ever felt in my life. But when the match was over...I fell pretty hard, and I didn't know if I'd ever feel okay again. The contrast was insane, and sometimes I even wanted to die...can you imagine that?"

Kagami was silent for a second, and then shook his head. No, he couldn't imagine feeling so awful after coming down from the rush the Zone brought, to the point of wanting to end his life. That seemed pretty extreme. _Then again…_ a nasty little voice muttered in the back of his mind, _When you accessed the Zone, more than once, it led to your victory. You didn't enter it and then_ lose.

Lowering his arms, Aomine studied his own hands absently before going on, "Well...this feels a lot like being in the Zone. ...It feels like sinking, like drowning, and when it kicks in everything slows down and becomes focused, in perfect clarity, but somehow blurry at the same time. All pain and unnecessary thought is shut out. ...It feels like you can do anything."

His eyes shifted to Kagami's self-consciously, and it hit Kagami suddenly how much he was laying himself bare to him. Now, and the night before, his rival had let himself be incredibly vulnerable and open. It was a side he'd never seen before, and it was surprising and intriguing...and endearing to witness.

"Heroin's my girl," he mumbled, seeming to be talking to no one in particular, "She hasn't let me down yet."

The affectionate, yet resentful tone he'd used made Kagami start to believe it was more than just a drug to him. More than just something he did, something he paid for and handled before injecting into his body to keep the twitches and the monsters at bay. He personally didn't understand, but then again, he'd never touched the stuff, so he supposed he wouldn't. There was a veil there, one he certainly wasn't willing to try to peer behind. He was already witnessing what Aomine's "girl" was doing to him, every day, and he had no way of knowing, but he hadn't seen the worst of it yet.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_One year before…_

Sweat ran down Kagami's back in rivers, his legs tense as the muscles in his back and shoulders tightened. The heat was unbearable; he could almost feel steam rising off his skin. He swallowed a low groan, _I can't take much more of this…._

He shifted and squirmed in his seat, stopping when he felt an elbow nudge him in the ribs.

"Sit still," Kuroko chided in his ear, and he sighed and slumped forward slightly in defeat. The stiff, uncomfortable clothes he was wearing were overheating him under the glaring sun, chafing his skin in the worst places; around the neck and under the arms, and he felt like he had to keep his head unnaturally straight to keep the awkward cap balanced on his unruly hair. For a while he'd amused himself tilting his head from side to side and watching the tassel swing back and forth, until Kuroko had reprimanded him for that too. Now, he had nothing to cure his boredom, as he listened - or didn't - to the person speaking at the podium in front of the great mass of sweaty, impatient teenager, waiting to be released from this torment so he could shed the ridiculous getup and relieve the adrenaline building in his veins. This was worse than enduring the droning lectures in class.

_We're graduating...aren't we supposed to be congratulated, not punished for it?_

The day before, when Aomine had dropped by in the afternoon as he always did, he had laughed at the garments Kagami was being forced to wear, announcing smugly that Touou let its students wear their school uniforms to graduation, and didn't require the square, tasseled cap either. Irritated, Kagami had muttered sulkily that he was astonished Aomine had even made it to graduation with his grades, a remark that had simply rolled right off the darker man's back, and, undeterred, he'd proceeded to tease him about how _adorable_ (read: ridiculous) he was going to look in the loose, brightly colored robes. He knew Seirin was a relatively new school, having only been formed within the last four years or so, and he wondered ruefully if it was trying to imitate more American traditions with the dress code...or it might have just been a cruel joke, like Riko threatening to make the members of the basketball team strip naked and confess their feelings to the person they had a crush on if they failed the goals they'd set at the beginning of their high school career. In any case, he was envious of his boyfriend, and could just picture him sitting like a king with his fellow Touou graduates, perfectly comfortable and probably even in the shade, out from the boiling sun; reflecting with his twisted sense of humor and equally twisted smirk on Kagami's apparently hilarious predicament.

Honestly though, it had felt good to see his smile - mocking or no - to be a reason for it, so Kagami didn't let himself get too worked up about the indignity of it all, and tried to focus on fonder memories to keep himself from going all ADHD and getting jabbed by Kuroko again. Two years. He'd been with Aomine for nearly two years...it was kind of unbelievable, and sometimes he looked back with pride in both himself and his boyfriend, that they'd stuck with each other this long, through the difficulties and arguments that tested their relationship's strength, as well as the good times that had reinforced it. It was pretty astounding that it had survived under the strain of the underlying factors like rivalry and drugs, but as he'd come to admit to himself over time, he just cared about Aomine - loved him - that much.

It had been very awkward saying so out loud, and the first few times Aomine didn't even take him seriously; laughing it off and giving him a teasing shove, telling him to stop kidding around. But he'd seen the exact moment when it finally sank in that he meant it; and Aomine had seemed confused...had actually looked over his shoulder, as if to see if Kagami was talking to someone else. That response had caused something in Kagami's heart to twist strangely; that he thought it was such an unusual, impossible thing, to be loved by someone. And he'd wondered if anyone, even his parents, had ever said that word to him before.

The moment of sincerity had passed quickly, and he'd resigned himself to the fact that Aomine had acquired brand new ammunition to taunt him with, but to his surprise, he never held that in particular over his head. As if even someone as underhanded and crude as Aomine had standards, and knew such a rare gift was something he shouldn't tarnish and make meaningless. He teased him about everything else, anything and everything he could get his hands on, but he left that one simple, yet enormous word alone.

And Kagami had never heard it from his lips. He wasn't that surprised, in fact he thought he might have had a heart attack if he did; it seemed like something Aomine simply wouldn't say, under any circumstances...love just wasn't in his vocabulary. Not that he didn't _show_ that he loved Kagami; every time he paused in his rough, demanding kisses to give slower, softer ones - or else just look at him, saying nothing, tracing his cheeks cherishingly with his hands - ...every time he put an arm around his shoulders when they lounged on the couch together, drawing him closer; hell, even his insults were affectionate, in their own way. And around the same time he'd finally realized Kagami was serious when he said he loved him, he'd started to develop a fixation with pet names. Every time he called him "babe", or even "baka", it meant "I love you", and about a thousand other things he refused to say, and didn't need to.

They still argued; with hot heads and short tempers it was inevitable that they would clash, and damn did sparks fly when they did. Their shouting matches were nearly loud enough to shake the walls, and Kagami had had to replace more than one plate or cup that he'd flung at his rival's head in a rage. Sometimes they argued over stupid, trivial things, but the one subject that sparked the vast majority of their fights was Aomine's "girl", or at least something linked to that. The bluenette's temper turned dangerously short when he'd gone a day or so without shooting up, and he became even more stubborn and irritable than usual, grousing over every little thing and scowling at Kagami even for just standing near him.

What got under Kagami's skin the worst was that Aomine always managed to invent excuses, and make himself the victim when all of it was his own damn fault…. But Aomine was also the first to apologize, every time, once he'd calmed down and put some of his veritable tranquilizer in his veins, and he made himself sincere - and pitiful - enough to earn Kagami's forgiveness. Besides, then his boyfriend would show just how sorry he was to back up his words, with heated, passionate kisses and lingering touches to every inch of Kagami's body. Almost all of their spats ended in them making up by making out, and some of their best sex followed some of their worst fights...and then the walls would be shaking for a different reason.

"What are you so happy about?" Kuroko asked under his breath, fixing Kagami with his deadpan stare and bringing him back to the present.

"Just remembering," he muttered, banishing the sappy smile from his face and hoping he wasn't blushing like an idiot; lost in thought while everyone else was entertaining themselves with whispered gossip or the shapes of the clouds, "It's kind of surreal, isn't it? We're going to be leaving high school…we won't be classmates anymore."

Kuroko gave one of his not-quite smiles and shook his head slowly, the red tassle on his cap swaying with the motion, "You were thinking about Aomine-kun," he said matter-of-factly, "Your eyes turn shiny when you're thinking of him. Something good happened?"

"Every day," Kagami replied, without missing a beat; used to his perceptiveness by now.

Kuroko's piercing blue eyes X-rayed him pensively, "You're good for him." Then his elbow planted itself in Kagami's side again, without warning, "You're also a lovestruck idiot."

"Ow," Kagami rubbed the spot, looking at his "shadow" reproachfully, "...And rude; do you have to say it so baldly?"

"Of course," Kuroko said simply, "Otherwise I wouldn't get through."

"You can be a real bully sometimes, you know that?" Kagami sighed dramatically.

"Not as bad as Aomine-kun."

He had to smirk at that, "No, I guess not."

Only a few minutes later, they were finally standing up, and as one the mass of Seirin graduates took their caps from their heads and flung them in the air, some in silence, some with joyous whoops. Kagami caught Kuroko giving him a real grin as the square black objects rained from the sky, and as he ruffled his friend's hair, using his ever-present height advantage and ignoring the shorter man's disgruntled frown, he knew they weren't really parting. In fact he would have been very surprised if his "shadow" didn't continue popping up out of nowhere for years to come, whenever he least expected it.

.

.

"Hey Bakagami, I've got a graduation present for you."

Kagami looked up from trying to find a black sock to match the one in his hand, to find his boyfriend leaning against his bedroom door frame; suit coat open, shirt unbuttoned to reveal his sculpted chest, red tie draped loosely over his shoulders.

"Kuroko's going to hit you if you show up like that," he muttered; trying to appear aloof and unimpressed by the show.

"Yeah yeah, I'm not afraid of Tetsu," Aomine smirked, sauntering over to him.

"Liar," Kagami teased, standing up straight to face him, "You flinch when he gets _that_ look in his eyes, and you know it."

"Whatever...let's not talk about him." With that, he ducked in and snatched up Kagami's lips, hands wrapping around his shoulder blades to pull him in close, fingers flying over his back through the fabric of his dress shirt. His tongue claimed his mouth, confidently subduing Kagami's own before he added a flash of teeth against his lip.

Gradually, Aomine pulled away, stealing another kiss and giving a teasing jerk to his tie - causing his breath to hitch - before standing straight with a grin, "What do you think; does it fit?"

Kagami laughed breathlessly and pushed him with one hand, "I think it'll do. ...I have a present for you too, you know."

Aomine perked with interest, his expression turning sensual, "Really? Well, we've got few minutes…"

"Not what you're thinking, pervert," he sighed exasperatedly, "One-track mind, I swear..."

"Two-track," Aomine protested.

"Fine, but it's not a basketball either. Just...wait here a second."

Aomine obeyed, and Kagami dashed out of the room for a moment, returning a moment later and pressing something into his boyfriend's hand.

"Here…" he said, "So you don't get your dumb ass locked out for the hundredth time."

"Romantic as fuck," Aomine muttered sarcastically, before opening his fist to reveal a copy of the key to Kagami's apartment. Kagami imagined he saw a pleased smile cross his face for a fleeting moment, and knew he recognized the gift as a significant gesture, even if he didn't say it.

Kagami was already leaving the room by the time he looked up, matching socks triumphantly in hand. "Fix your shirt and tie and let's go, asshole. We're late."

It was Akashi that had organized a post-graduation reunion for the members of the Generation of Miracles, but it was Kuroko who'd threatened Aomine with some obscene form of punishment that only he'd heard specified if he didn't attend. Kagami knew this because he'd seen Aomine blanch white as a sheet when the slighter man had whispered what he would do to him in his ear, and then the dark bluenette had sulkily (if shakily) declared he would go, but only because he chose to of his own free will. Satisfied, Kuroko had turned with a much friendlier tone of emotionlessness to inform Kagami that he was welcome to come as well, and - deciding someone should keep an eye on his idiot of a boyfriend, and it might be interesting to see the Miracles all together again - he'd agreed. It was pretty difficult to say no to those round, blue, literal puppy-dog eyes anyway; though Kagami sincerely hoped he wouldn't see their lookalikes in the form of Nigou at this get-together thing. The damn pomsky was probably all grown up by now, and probably still just as prone to sneaking up on Kagami as his master.

The drive was rather short. Or it seemed that way; Kagami wasn't sure if it was because he was a little reluctant to go to this thing, or if he just wanted the relatively peaceful, amiable spell between him and Aomine to last longer than it could. His boyfriend had his hand resting casually on the center console, and he felt a vague inclination to let go of the steering wheel with one of his own to hold it. He kept his gaze on the road for the most part, but he knew that Aomine knew that he was shooting him frequent glances out of the corner of his eye, because he kept smirking at him or wiggling his eyebrows when he knew he was watching.

"You're going to get us in a wreck," he muttered, after Aomine gave him a particularly sultry, seductive look, tracing his upper lip with his tongue, indigo eyes narrow and burning with exaggerated intent.

"Then keep your eyes facing front where they belong," the bluenette chuckled, leaning his seat back and crossing his ankles on the dashboard in front of him, "Or am I just that irresistible to look at?"

"Idiot. If your head gets any bigger you'll serve better as an airbag."

Aomine shrugged, "Hey, then at least I could save your ass if you did get in a wreck."

Kagami blinked, not expecting the protective statement from such an unlikely source. Sure, Aomine showed he cared a great deal about Kagami's safety, but he almost never actually said so. He felt heat rising to his face quickly, and cleared his throat, pretending to be very absorbed with setting the headlights on the right brightness, using the falling darkness as an excuse.

"What's the matter, babe?" Kagami tried to assure himself he hadn't shivered at the deeper, huskier tone of Aomine's voice, coupled with the pet name that he didn't think he'd ever get used to, "You're starting to turn into a stoplight, you know."

"Sh-shut up," Kagami stammered, mortified that the flood of heat was only increasing to his prompting. His concentration was redirected, mercifully, as he put it into parallel parking in front of Akashi's manor, looking out the back window a fair enough excuse to avoid Aomine's teasing, compelling gaze. Shifting into park and turning off the ignition, he dropped his gaze to unbuckle his seat belt, resolutely refusing to give his boyfriend the satisfaction of seeing how red his cheeks still were.

"We'd better hurry. Akashi will have our heads if we're late."

Aomine took his own sweet time, unbothered, "Fashionably late, no big deal."

"I take it he's never violently wielded office supplies at your face for being somewhere you shouldn't be."

The darker man tossed his head back and laughed; genuinely amused, rolling peals of laughter that convinced Kagami to blink and look over at him, "Bakagami. I was there, remember? You looked about ready to piss your pants when he snipped at you."

"Did not," Kagami huffed, "He just...caught me off guard is all. And _snipped_ is way too passive a word; he was going to chop my ear off."

"Whatever you say," Aomine said smoothly, sliding out of his seat and nudging the door shut with his hip, waiting for Kagami on the curb.

Just barely remembering to take his keys with him, Kagami followed hastily, adjusting his tie self-consciously and falling into step beside his idiotic, sinfully gorgeous boyfriend as they walked up to the elaborate porch.

The door creaked open before either of them had a chance to knock, and Kagami felt the usual prickle of uneasiness, convinced for the umteenth time that Akashi was a mind-reading alien sent to slowly and calmly take over the world with a silken tongue and an iron fist.

"Welcome, Daiki and Taiga," the man nodded to each of them in turn, which shouldn't have been intimidating from one of such a slighter stature, but it was. Kagami stuck his hands in his pockets, wanting to object to being called by his given name - not even his own significant other called him by it, after all, and it seemed unfair - but he wasn't quite able to summon the nerve, his courage quailing every time he tried to meet those slicing, mismatched eyes. He understood he was only a guest here, graciously allowed to stand beside Akashi's former teammates. Because of his friendship with Kuroko, not his performance on the basketball court that rivaled and more than once surpassed the Generation of Miracles...he doubted his relationship with Aomine was even a good enough reason to be invited, in Akashi's eyes.

"You are the last to arrive," Akashi went on in smooth, honeyed tones that didn't fool Kagami one bit. The displeasure underneath wasn't obvious, and thankfully wasn't severe, but it was present and understood, "You may stand by Tetsuya and the others and wait for me to speak."

Nodding hurriedly, Kagami dragged Aomine by the wrist before he could say any of the sarcastic comments he could all but sense on his tongue, ignoring his indignant protests and leading him inside. Briefly sweeping his eyes over what he assumed was the living room of Akashi's home, but what looked more like a lobby - not at all personal, just service and a regal sort of elegance - he found the other members of the Generation of Miracles standing in a loose half-circle all facing inward, as if about to perform some kind of dark ritual. _This was just supposed to be a reunion, right? Why does it seem so...ominous?_

Locating Kuroko and sidling up next to him, he let go of Aomine's wrist to appease his many grumbling complaints, completing the circle.

"What's going on?" he hissed in Kuroko's ear, and the light bluenette blinked up at him.

"Akashi-kun is going to give some sort of speech, I gather."

 _Great...listening to more people talk; as if yesterday wasn't enough._ He supposed he'd signed up for this, and he hoped some of the stiff formality would drop after Akashi said whatever he meant to.

He glanced at Aomine, but his boyfriend's eyes weren't on him, and he was in fact trying to ward off an ecstatic Kise, who was attempting to throw his arms around him with excited whispers - whispers because the aura of Akashi was inciting everyone to be more or less silent here - of "Aominechii~ I haven't seen you in foreeveer~!"

"Aomine-kun has lost some weight," Kuroko observed quietly, fixing Kagami meaningfully with his lucid, blue stare. Kagami swallowed; _Does he know? ...Probably figured at least something out._ He didn't know how often Kuroko had seen Aomine since the Winter Cup, outside of their matches following it, but he was very good at reading between the lines, and knew Aomine very well. He would probably be able to deduce if something was different. He'd never brought it up before now, though...

Unsure how he was supposed to respond to the comment, he shrugged carelessly, "A little, I guess. He's been training hard."

He hadn't anticipated this issue, but probably should have...other people noticing that Aomine looked and acted different and prying. Aomine had never asked for the matter to stay secret, but he'd never breathed a word about it either, and from what Kagami could see, it wasn't really something he wanted people to know.

He certainly didn't like to discuss it, that much he knew for sure. He seemed ashamed sometimes, other times just plain defensive, and it was in those times that he was the most tight-lipped and clammed up even around Kagami, refusing to speak to him about anything at all. Because these variances from the loud, boisterous rival he was accustomed to were so awkward and troubling, Kagami learned very quickly when to stop pushing, and what details he just shouldn't bring up under any circumstances. He didn't know how evasive he could get away with being around _others_ , though, especially Kuroko, who saw through him like a glass window.

"I'm worried about him," Kuroko murmured finally, scrutinizing Kagami closely, "And you, Kagami-kun. You both seem very tired."

 _Shit, he totally knows._ He was thankfully saved from having to come up with a response by Akashi rejoining his fellows; the two giants Murasakibara and Midorima parting like the red sea to provide a space for him in the circle.

It turned out, Akashi didn't have all that much to say, and nothing he did say was entirely unexpected. He acknowledged the end of the Miracles' collective high school careers, and thus the dividing of their paths, as the individual members forged towards their own destinies. He said that basketball had held them together through middle and reunited them in high school, and it would hold ties between them now; they would respond if he summoned them, and maintain contact however possible. Finally, he said he was sending them each off with his blessing, for whatever future they created for themselves. It was inspirational, Kagami supposed, and made him feel awkward to be standing there, an outsider not included in the group.

When the circle broke up after Akashi finished speaking, Kagami felt some of the oppressive atmosphere dissipate, and like some signal had been given, Kise was the first to return to his normal volume, managing to snag Aomine and Kagami's arms and bring them into a crushing hug...which honestly weirded Kagami out; it wasn't like they were the best of friends or anything.

"Aominechi! Kagamichi! It's been so long since I've seen you~! You've gotta tell me everything that's happened; have you played against each other again? Did Aominechi lose again? Did anybody propose yet 'cause I do _not_ want to miss that -"

"Oi, motor-mouth," Aomine scowled, extricating himself from the rib-cracking embrace, "Remember to breathe at some point, yeah?"

"And let _us_ breathe," Kagami added, shoving out of Kise's arms as well and smoothing down his wrinkled shirt.

"You guys are so mean to me," Kise sighed dramatically, shaking his bangs out of his mischievous golden eyes, "At least Kurokochi let me hug him and didn't push me."

"That's because Tetsu serves his revenge cold," Aomine sneered, "In the dead of night when you're least expecting it."

"Eep! That's not true, Aominechi…"

Aomine shrugged and locked his hands behind his head lazily, "Whatever lets you sleep at night."

"Aomine-kun," Kuroko spoke from directly behind Kagami, "You shouldn't tease Kise-kun like that. You'll give him nightmares."

"Who's teasing?" Aomine sniffed in mock-offense, "I was being very serious, Tetsu."

Kuroko's eyes turned calculating, roving over Aomine's face, and Kagami heard several alarm bells go off in his head.

"You seem very cheerful," he said, impassive as ever, "It's rather unusual."

Almost immediately, the humor vanished from Aomine's face, and he lowered his arms to cross them over his chest, his stance becoming rigid and wary; even his eyes were frowning. The rapid, drastic change of mood was something Kagami had grown accustomed to, but it must have seemed strange to his current company. Kuroko's gaze shot to Kagami's, a question in his pale eyes. _Maybe I was wrong…_ Kagami mused, _Maybe he doesn't know, but he's definitely suspicious…_

Kise glanced between Kuroko and Aomine, one slender eyebrow raised curiously.

"Kagamichi, has Aominechi been acting weird around you too?" he asked after a moment.

 _Great, now he's suspicious too,_ "I don't think so," he said carefully, keeping the phrasing of his interpretation loose. Maybe in comparison to how he was on the court and how he'd been before the Winter Cup, Aomine had been acting weird...very weird...for two years… But for how he was now, day-to-day, this was about normal.

He couldn't help but feel a prickle of unease, with how quickly Kuroko's suspicion had jumped to Kise; spreading like a germ. Before long, the others would want to know too, why Aomine seemed in some ways like an entirely different person. And Kagami didn't think it was his place to answer that barrage of questions. Aomine certainly wasn't going to answer them. Even now he could almost see him biting his tongue, withdrawing behind his wall of denial.

He remembered a time when he would have given anything to confide the situation he was in to someone - especially to Kuroko, his trusted friend - and get it off his chest, but now...that was the last thing he wanted. Somewhere along the line, he'd crossed over, firmly and loyally planting his feet on Aomine's side.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Despite how his lips were sealed for Aomine's sake, Kagami couldn't stave off a pestering Momoi, and either her extreme prowess for collecting data had led her to a critical clue, or she'd managed to glean something from Kuroko or from Aomine himself, because Kagami certainly hadn't told her anything. She and Kuroko had ganged up on him the first chance they got, which wasn't very convenient considering he was trying to get home from work at the time, but he couldn't very well just bolt and leave them hanging when they knew he had spotted them. When the two had cornered him in the parking lot, red flags had automatically shot up in Kagami's mind, but he barely had a chance to get a word in edgewise before they both started talking at once, demanding answers.

"I already told you, I don't know why Aomine is acting -" he began exasperatedly, but his efforts were futile.

"You might as well come clean, Kagami-kun," Kuroko interrupted calmly, leaning against the side of Kagami's car.

"Just talk to us," Momoi added, something between pleading and commanding that set Kagami's teeth on edge.

"Look, it's not my place to tell you about Aomine's personal life," he muttered.

"Is too," Momoi argued, "You _are_ his personal life."

"Well yes, I'm a _part_ of it, but that doesn't mean I…" he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling exhaustion from the long day creeping over him, "You won't like it, if I do tell you."

"But we still want to know!" Momoi shot back, her bright eyes like daggers, "We have a right to; something is wrong and we're his friends… I thought you were too."

Her words hit their mark, and Kagami winced; dropping his gaze as shame fell like a brick into his stomach. He swallowed and glanced up at Kuroko, whose expression remained inscrutable, but he tilted his head slightly, and Kagami thought it was safe to bet he had a pretty good idea of what he was going to hear.

"Fine." he grit out, shoving his hands in his pockets and slumping in disappointment to find them empty; he could have really used a cigarette to lessen the tension stacking up on him, "But don't...don't tell anyone, alright? People would freak out and he...we don't need that."

Momoi raised a hand and bit one of her fingernails, and Kuroko just blinked at him expectantly. Kagami could feel betrayal pricking at him, and wondered if it would even be possible to escape answering them now. No, he'd made his bed and he had to lie in it.

"Aomine is...he's an addict." It felt false, somehow, but also strangely liberating, to finally say it out loud, "He's...been shooting heroin for about two years."

Complete silence fell. So complete that Kagami started counting the seconds, and almost got to the double digits before it was broken. He didn't like the knowing look that had settled on Kuroko's face, like he'd just had a hunch confirmed; like it was in no way out of left field for him. It was not an approving look, but it definitely wasn't as shocked or appalled as it could have been.

Momoi on the other hand...was definitely taken aback.

"Two _years?!"_ she was shrieking, pink hair flying as she shook her head in denial, "No way, that's impossible! Dai-chan wouldn't -! He would've _told_ me if…" she made a wordless sound of frustration and dismay and clenched her fists, "Why hasn't he said anything? Why haven't _you?_ How has he been getting ahold of it? Do his parents know about this?"

Under the assault of questions, Kagami actually took a step back, shielding his head with his hands as if bracing for a physical blow.

"No." he managed, straightening after a moment and returning his hands to his pockets, "They reacted badly enough to finding out we were together, I can...understand why he wouldn't tell them. I don't know where _exactly_ he's been getting it, he won't say, but I don't think it's his original source from high school anymore. And I haven't...said anything...because I didn't know how to say it. I didn't want to turn on him."

"It wouldn't be _turning_ on him -" Momoi began, looking reproachful, "You just want to help him...don't you?"

Kagami opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it again. He made a helpless gesture with his hands, scrambling for words to explain, "I do. Of course I do, that's all I want. But he...he's so alone in this, if...he couldn't count on me by his side anymore...he'd have no one."

"So you defend him," Momoi crossed her arms over her chest slowly, "Even when he's in danger of ruining his life, not to mention what he's doing to _himself..._ how can you support that?"

"If I turned my back on him none of it would stop." Kagami pointed out, unable to find defiance or even loyalty to tone his voice; he just sounded tired, even to his own ears, "Nothing would change, it would only get worse. I don't support it; it makes me sick to even think about supporting what he's doing...but I'll allow it, I'll tolerate it, because I can't force him to stop. I love him...and I don't want to see him fall."

"He's falling already," Kuroko murmured, chipping in for the first time in a long time, his voice devoid of accusation or reassurance; devoid of anything at all, "You've just gotten good at looking the other way, Kagami-kun."

He might as well have kicked Kagami in the stomach, and he actually felt an inclination to double over, as if he had.

"I am not blind." he growled, hating to direct the hostility toward his close friend, perhaps his closest, but self-defense was kicking in, joining his defense for his boyfriend, "I know what he's doing, I've seen it. I know it's wrong, I know it's dangerous; hell, I know it's...k-killing him a little more every day…" he broke off, taking a deep, shaky breath to try to steady himself before going on, "...I don't know what you would have me do about it."

Kuroko fell silent again, lowering his icy gaze. He looked strangely disappointed, and it both hurt and pissed Kagami off, at the same time.

"Talk to him," Momoi suggested, "Maybe you can help him quit…"

"You think I haven't tried?" Kagami demanded, rounding on her, "You think I haven't bent over backwards trying to open his stupid, fucking nearsighted eyes to what he's putting at risk? What he's going to _lose_ before he even realizes he had it?" _His life, at the top of the list…_ he swallowed again, feeling like he was choking down nails, and looked away.

"Don't attack Momoi-san," Kuroko said shortly, without looking up.

A strained silence drew out, and Kagami acknowledged that he would have some explaining to do when Aomine asked what he was doing home so late. He wasn't used to having to explain any such thing...unused to sharing his home with someone; he hadn't had that since he lived with his dad. But Aomine had well and truly moved in with him - since confessing his relationship to his parents after graduation, and subsequently walking out their door for good; their shocked, condemning words bouncing off his back - and that came with its ups and downs.

"I know you must be frustrated," Momoi spoke after several seconds, her voice noticeably more gentle, and a little tremulous with emotion, "And you must think you don't have anywhere to turn...but just because Dai-chan cuts himself off from everyone, it doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to just stand by and watch."

Kagami raised his head to meet her soft rose eyes, "What do you mean?"

Kuroko glanced at her, and then at Kagami, and gave a very small, dry smile, "If you need to talk about it, or something happens, you can come to us."

Momoi nodded, "And if you ever need a break, you're welcome to stay with either of us, as long as you need to. Even my endurance for putting up with Dai-chan has its limits."

"I'll always be willing to put up with him." Kagami declared, with conviction, squaring his stance.

Kuroko's small shoulders lifted in a half-shrug, "The offer still stands. We are your friends….and we are Aomine-kun's too, whatever decisions he makes."

Still unsure where the dramatic shift of tone came from, wondering if the two of them had orchestrated it, Kagami inclined his head assent, "Th-thank you."

.

.

"So they know," Aomine's voice was blunt, but surprisingly calm, and he didn't look up from his plate as he picked at the food Kagami had prepared. Kagami had expected him to be furious; to accuse him of betraying his trust, or something like that, but aside from an initial tensing of his shoulders, he hadn't betrayed any real reaction to the news that his secret was out to Momoi and Kuroko.

After a moment, he heaved a sigh and pushed his plate away, mostly untouched, "The others will know shortly, then." It was a matter-of-fact statement, with no room for doubt.

"I don't think they'll tell -" Kagami began.

Aomine shook his head dismissively, cutting off his...arguments? Reassurances? He didn't know. "Akashi will figure it out first, probably. Most of what happens in our little group doesn't escape his notice. But let me illustrate what I mean. How many people did we tell about _us_?"

Kagami shrugged, "I didn't tell anyone...Kuroko figured it out himself, and -"

"Exactly." Aomine interrupted, "...Before my parents, I didn't tell anyone either."

Kagami blinked. It was common knowledge among the Generation of Miracles that Aomine and Kagami were together, even most of Kagami's former teammates knew. _How did that information get around if neither of us said anything?_

"I mean…" he said slowly, "...People could have figured it out from watching us, I guess…"

"And the people who never saw us together?" Aomine prompted, "Here's the thing. Tetsu has got a direct line to Akashi, and to that former coach of yours. Important information he thinks they need to know -" he made a swooping gesture with one hand, " - goes right to them."

"So he's a snitch?" Kagami asked, mentally cringing at all the information his "shadow" must have gleaned from him throughout three years of high school together.

Aomine huffed a laugh and shook his head again, "No, just good at spreading things around, if they're important. He doesn't really believe in being secretive, if it conflicts with his morals. If one of his friends is in trouble, for instance, he'll definitely pass the word along."

"And is one of his friends in trouble?" Kagami tried, lifting an eyebrow.

The bluenette sighed, "He seems to think so. I'll bet he's even more convinced after today." Abruptly, he stood up from the table, a look of determination on his face that immediately captured Kagami's interest.

"What are you doing?" he asked, as the the other started to walk away.

Not even sparing him a glance, Aomine threw a brief response over his shoulder, "Just wait there."

Kagami obeyed, drumming his fingers on the table as curiosity gnawed at him. Something had clicked into place in Aomine's head, he could almost sense it….some decision had been reached. He'd had the exact same look in the split-second before he'd lunged and initiated their first kiss, two years ago.

Aomine returned, a few minutes later, but now he was almost dragging his feet. He was holding something in his hands, and even with his blue gaze on the floor Kagami could see that his drive had been replaced by indecision.

"Stand up, and come here," he ordered, shifting his feet slightly.

Kagami hesitated, but did as he was told again, pushing back his chair and rising to his feet, approaching his boyfriend uncertainly.

"What's this about?" he pressed, having not received a real reply for his earlier question.

By way of answer, in a sharp, forced motion Aomine thrust what was in his hands at Kagami, and immediately took several steps back, as if retreating from a live bomb.

Kagami glanced down at his hands uneasily, and then did a double-take. In a large plastic bag, Aomine had presented him with about five thin, individually wrapped needles and a smaller bag of white powder that neither carried nor needed a label.

"Wha…?" he began incredulously, nonplussed.

"Get rid of it." Aomine's voice was a little unsteady, but that note of fervor had returned, and he had his hands firmly behind his back, as if restraining himself from reaching out to snatch the items back. He swallowed dryly before adding an urgent "Now."

"But...wh-what... _why?_ " Kagami stammered, fairly certain that his jaw had come unhinged.

Aomine's gaze was still averted resolutely, and after a moment he burst out, "Because I'm fucking sick of it! I'm giving it up, so throw that shit away before I fucking change my mind!"

Kagami took a step back, both wanting to leap at the golden opportunity and take Aomine's temperature to see if he was sick, "You do realize…?"

"I know." Aomine grit out. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Now do it. ...Do what I can't, Kagami; I'll never ask for anything again."

Recognizing that he was all but being pleaded with, though scarcely believing it, Kagami gave another jerky nod, even if Aomine couldn't see it, and made a dash for the bathroom, dumping the bag's contents into the toilet after only a moment's hesitation. It took two flushes to convince the plumbing to sweep it all away, but after that it was gone without a trace.

Breathing heavily though he wasn't sure why, Kagami returned to his boyfriend's side, and hesitantly reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. Aomine's hand was trembling just slightly, but it stopped when Kagami smoothed his thumb over his knuckles soothingly.

"Was that all of it?" he prompted quietly.

Aomine bit his lip and nodded twice shakily, "That was...that was all of it."

Kagami was silent with him for several seconds, letting the revelation sink in, that it was finally gone...and then a large smile spread across his face. Throwing his arms around Aomine's neck, he pulled his head down and brought their lips together hard, clenching a hand in his short, dark hair and giving him the deepest, sloppiest, most heartfelt kiss he could muster.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered after he withdrew, tracing Aomine's cheek as they both panted for breath, "You're free. It's over now."

For a moment, a spark of relief came into the familiar indigo eyes that Kagami loved to death, but it passed just as quickly, and Aomine set his jaw, "It's not over yet."

Kagami sighed, acknowledging that he was right. Disposing of everything was one thing, now he had to detoxify while it all left his system, and Kagami neither knew how long that would take, nor what it entailed. But at least this was a step in the right direction...a rather enormous step that had come out of nowhere and lifted a huge weight off Kagami's shoulders. He couldn't even imagine how Aomine must have been feeling.

"Still," he encouraged, nudging his boyfriend's shoulder, "That took some balls, what you did. I think you should be rewarded."

Aomine blinked, and then looked at Kagami, the beginning of a smirk edging the side of his mouth, "What did you have in mind?"

.

.

He should have known it was too good to be true. The shaking was his first real hint at the impending living nightmare he was going to pay witness to. Almost twelve hours had passed, and Aomine was curled up asleep in his arms as Kagami awoke, both of them still void of clothing and slick with sweat, exhausted from hours of lovemaking. It started as just occasional tremors, and Kagami chalked it up to the cold, wrapping himself and the blankets tighter around his shivering boyfriend, but it didn't stop no matter what he did. In contrast, now that he was closer he could feel that Aomine's skin was burning up, and some of the sweat streaking his shoulders and neck was fresh, not just lingering from the night before. In fact, he was drenched in it, and while Kagami was used to seeing a sheen of perspiration about him, it wasn't usually so profuse, and when he ran a hand through Aomine's hair he found it likewise soaking.

"Aomine?" he murmured, stroking his fingers through the damp blue strands again.

Aomine stirred with a muffled groan of protest, as reluctant to join the waking world as ever, and his eyes - hazy with fever instead of high - slitted open and wandered to Kagami.

"How do you feel?" Kagami asked tentatively.

Slowly sitting up, Aomine shook an alarming amount of sweat from his hair, and then braced a hand against his forehead as if the motion was painful, "Like I was hit by a fucking semi truck," he muttered dully, gazing at his shaking hands as if looking through them, "I think part of that was your fault, though, I'm going to be walking funny for like a week."

Kagami picked up a pillow to hit him over the head, feeling a flush climbing up his cheeks, but thought better of it and set it down, not wanting to make him feel any worse physically.

"Well now you know how I always feel," he replied instead, adding a note of teasing into his voice to try to lighten the mood.

It worked, a little, and Aomine gave a tired smirk, "Good. Then I've been doing you well."

The double entendre only increased the heat rushing to Kagami's face, but it was a nice reassurance that Aomine was more or less alright. Some of the worry faded, but it never fully disappeared, and it would only keep returning with a vengeance over the course of the following days.

.

.

Two days had passed since Aomine decided to quit, and his body was purging itself in more ways than one. While it struggled to get accustomed to being drug free, it was also sending him to the bathroom frequently to empty his stomach of what little he was putting in it. Kagami accompanied him when he could, for moral support, and the fact that Aomine didn't gripe about it or even protest at all told Kagami that this was serious...more serious than he'd originally imagined. Aomine was unnaturally quiet, trembling violently and sweating copious amounts as he tried to go through his everyday life with one major exception….now he was sober. But he looked worse than ever; his skin was yellow-ish and unhealthy, his eyes appeared sunken and hollow, and they darted with...what almost looked like _fear._ That in particular he didn't understand, but he didn't ask for fear of adding insult to injury, and Aomine didn't volunteer any information. He didn't even answer when Kagami asked how he was feeling anymore.

As the sun was setting, Kagami was attempting to start dinner, mindlessly chopping vegetables just to give his hands something to do, when he heard Aomine's footsteps enter the dining room, and he looked up as a force of habit, painful as it was to see him like this. It was strange, because the twisting of his stomach - a mix of sympathy and sorrow - was meshed with incongruous surges of pride in his boyfriend, for going through with the withdrawal, for not backing out just because it was difficult. He'd always admired his refusal and bordering inability to give up, though it was somewhat rare to see it in action.

He returned his attention to his celery, bringing the stainless steel of the knife down in quick succession, and almost cut his fingers off as he jolted at a sudden thud behind him. Whipping around, he saw Aomine gripping the edge of the dining room table with white knuckles and panicked eyes, arms and legs trembling as if they would give out at any moment. Kagami was at his side in an instant, dread coursing through him with painful, icy claws.

"What happened?" he asked frantically, hooking an arm around Aomine's back and guiding him to sit down.

"T-tripped," the bluenette muttered hoarsely, gratefully sinking into the chair.

"Over what?"

Aomine didn't answer for a moment, something like shame joining the unease in his eyes, "...Nothing."

Kagami's imagination summoned an immediate, vivid mental image of Aomine's shaking legs unable to support him, of him staggering, and grabbing the edge of the table to keep from collapsing like a cut marionette. He felt something twist at his heart, and knelt in front of his boyfriend, trying to read his downcast gaze. Aomine's lips were moving, but Kagami couldn't make out what he was saying, so he leaned closer.

"Sorry...I'm sorry…" He was taken aback by what he heard; Aomine never apologized for anything, even when he was truly in the wrong, and his voice was feeble, dry as a desert, and shaking with some nameless terror. Kagami didn't know what to say, but staring into those haunted deep blue eyes, that ever-present flicker of fear finally registered. It was the senseless, primal dread an animal experiences when it knows it's going to die.

And he came to a slow, aching realization, which caused him to slump forward, eyes pricking with tears. Momoi and Kuroko hadn't understood, when they told him to "help" Aomine quit...he himself hadn't understood until a moment ago. But he couldn't look a human being who was honestly scared to death in the face and keep holding what his body was telling him would save him out of his reach. He just couldn't...let alone a person he had come to love with such a fire, whom he shared so much of his life with. Making Aomine keep doing this would not be "helping" him.

.

.

So he gave in. He certainly wasn't proud, but he came to the final decision the next day, when Aomine had been so weakened he couldn't even get out of bed. He'd been getting up unsteadily to vomit, more than once, during the night, but now he looked like he could barely even move. He looked fragile, and fragile was something Aomine Daiki simply shouldn't be.

With the last remnants of his fierce determination, Aomine dragged himself up and tried to stand, only managing a few seconds before his legs failed him, and he braced himself against the bed, shaking his head stiffly and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Lie down, Aomine," Kagami pleaded, helping him back into bed, "Just rest...please…"

Aomine put up a weak protest, but then complied; collapsing bonelessly on the mattress and curling into a ball, as if that would ease the shivers wracking his body. He was repeating a mantra again, but where yesterday it had been a frantic "I'm sorry", now his slurred, mumbling voice repeated something else...a measurement. No, a dosage, and a location of where he must have kept a stash, despite his assurance that everything had been disposed of. He had lied...again. Kagami didn't know if he felt guiltily relieved or just plain betrayed, but he followed the wavering, muffled instructions nonetheless.

He got more up close and personal with Aomine's "girl" than he ever wanted to, but he'd seen it done a million times, and he had to know how to give his lover what he needed. ….What he thought he needed. Had to know how to prepare the needle; had to memorize the dosage so he wouldn't kill Aomine with the only thing that would make him feel okay again. And he had never been more disgusted with himself than when he slipped the syringe into an abused vein and pressed the stopper down to flood Aomine's bloodstream with the drug he'd managed to deprive himself of for three whole days, through sweat and tears and humiliation. All for nothing. He wanted to fling the horrid thing away from him, or throw it in the toilet with the rest of its brethren, but he forced himself to complete the task, and then joined Aomine, lying down with him in their bed.

For hours there was no noticeable change, and he felt more wretched with every passing minute, but he still held his incapacitated boyfriend protectively to his chest and stroked a hand again and again through his sweat-soaked hair, speaking to him softly, murmuring soothing things, though he didn't expect or receive a response.

"It's okay Aomine...you'll be okay… You're so strong, so brave... I love you…"

In the middle of the night, the trembling finally stopping was enough to wake him up, and he held Aomine tighter...though he acknowledged this step back towards "normal" with a sense of failure instead of success. But he wouldn't ever call the mess Aomine was in his own fault again, because whether he'd started on his own or not, he almost killed himself trying to stop, and faced a horror Kagami was fairly certain would revisit him in his dreams, stamped in his memory as a reminder of what happened when he double-crossed his "girl".

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Two weeks before…_

It was supposed to be a Christmas party, but whatever one immediately started picturing upon hearing those words could just be discarded; there were no chubby Santas or snowflakes or ribbons here, in fact the only really festive decoration seemed to be the neon red and green lights flashing from above, and Kagami heard a rumor about an elusive sprig of mistletoe hidden somewhere in the room. Apparently, when young adults and Christmas combined, a masterpiece did not the odd mixture make, and they simply turned it into another typical teenage party, complete with blaring music that sounded only vaguely like the familiar jingle and jangle, except more likely to light a fire in one's eardrums than their heart; and scattered red (and green, for good measure) plastic cups full of beer. Kagami hadn't gone to many American Christmas parties, but he got the feeling there wasn't much difference, and he was weirdly exasperated to find out that no matter how many oceans one crossed, no matter where one went in the world, teenagers were still teenagers.

Why Riko and half the former Seirin team was dragging him to this, he had no idea, but at the moment he would have given a fair few things for Kuroko's super powers so he could simply vanish and not have to face it. He supposed they were due for a reunion; the team members hadn't really met up since leaving high school behind, but holidays weren't really his thing; clusters of people and deafening excuses for music even less so.

He was immediately startled when the first person to bounce up to him was Kise; he'd been under the impression that only former Seirin graduates would be attending this party.

"Kise?" he stammered, taking a step back to escape the blond's smothering hug, "What are you doing here?"

Kise beamed and flipped one end of the bright red-and-green scarf around his neck over his shoulder, "Everyone from the Generation of Miracles is here! Aida-chan must have invited them for the special occasion; she said we could bring anyone we want!"

"Anyone?" No wonder it was crowded. His eyes scanned over the various dancing or chatting people, and he did in fact recognize a few that had attended Kaijou or Shutoku, even one or two from Touou, which should have meant…

He caught the dazzling smirk Kise shot his way, "I know who _you're_ looking for, Kagamichi...You two aren't attached at the hip for once, but Aominechi's here. Check the back; maybe you can get him to loosen up a bit, he was being all….." He trailed off, and a spark in those tawny eyes told Kagami everything he needed to know. Aomine was stoned - which came as no shock - and Kise was bothered.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll handle him," he muttered. He didn't know how Aomine had slipped out of the apartment without his notice, but that did explain how quiet it had been this afternoon. Though they had lived together for a year, the two of them didn't constantly share the same space, and sometimes one or the other flitted off for a few hours, whether to go to work in the case of Kagami, out back to shoot some hoops for old time's sake, or on some other errand of sorts. It was a little surprising Aomine was _here,_ though _;_ of all people to not have a thing for parties, he probably took the cake….or at least got close enough to scrape off some frosting.

Squeezing through the mass of young, athletic bodies, he caught sight of several familiar faces; some former opponents, some former classmates, and once or twice he was stopped by someone for a greeting and either a handshake or a high five, depending. He ran into Izuki and Koganei at some point, both of whom kind of osmosised him into their group and started chatting it up cheerfully, oblivious to his attempts to end the conversation and politely keep walking the other way.

"You still doing that thing with that Aomine guy we played against back in the day?" Koganei asked, looking curious and maybe a little bit buzzed.

Kagami rolled his eyes slightly, "You mean that thing where we live in the same house and eat the same meals and sleep in the same bed? Yes. He's my boyfriend, we've been over this…"

"I still don't understand what you see in him," Izuki chipped in, with a tiny smile, "But you're still seein' him..."

Koganei and Kagami simultaneously groaned; Izuki's puns were as awful as ever, it seemed. Some things never changed.

Finally, Kagami managed to slip past his company, and hovered around the back of the group of people, leaning against the table there casually survey the scene. He wasn't surprised to see Murasakibara hanging around the table, munching on the array of refreshments and sticking out like a sore thumb. Releasing a low sigh, Kagami reached a hand in his pocket and extracted a cigarette from its pack, fishing in his other pockets for a lighter.

Without warning, a strong arm looped around his shoulders, and a familiar, husky voice spoke close to his ear, "Looking for this?"

He started in surprise and turned to see Aomine right beside him, holding the sleek metal object in question in the hand braced against his shoulder. He raised an eyebrow, "Trying to cut me off again?" he asked around the cigarette between his teeth.

Aomine laughed and shook his head, "Nope, I have my own uses for it, remember? I should get one of my own, but I'm flat broke."

Kagami shifted at the reference to what he needed the heat the flame gave off for, "You're always broke," he muttered, snatching the lighter from his hand and igniting the end of his cigarette, taking a slow drag and letting it out through his nose. He didn't used to be; in fact there had been a time when Kagami was the poorer of the two by far, but since he'd gotten an actual paying job - waiting tables at a restaurant that couldn't exactly be called esteemed, but that was besides the point - and heroin ate a hole through Aomine's wallet at a ridiculous rate, their roles had reversed, "So why are you here? You didn't have to show."

"Are you complaining?" Aomine smirked lazily, "It looked interesting; besides, an opportunity to get out of the house and get a look at some decent, real live boobs -"

Kagami let out a warning growl around the slender object in his mouth.

His boyfriend held up his hands in a placating way, still smirking, "Babe, chill; you've got the hottest ass this side of anywhere, I don't want or need anything else...but one can still look, and appreciate…"

He snorted a puff of smoke dismissively, "If I didn't already know you treated breasts like artwork, I might be more ticked off."

"So I'm forgiven?"

"Whatever."

Aomine was really only ever this relaxed and carefree - only ever able to be - when he was fresh off the needle and riding the almost immediate and long-lasting high that loosened his tongue and his posture and made him seem….weirdly healthier, and more alive. Of course, his suppressed, shallow breathing, the glitter of sweat on his forehead and neck and the glazed look of his dilated, dark eyes told a different tale, but for now Kagami disregarded that. It was a party after all, and he dampened the mood between them enough on a daily basis with his fretting.

They had drifted away from where Murasakibara was tenaciously chowing down, so they could keep talking in relative privacy, and had settled near the corner of the room, Aomine leaning against the wall, Kagami standing idly across from him. He had opened his mouth to speak, taking the cigarette out of it to do so, when a sudden, high-pitched squeal that was much too girly to have come out of Riko's mouth - yet somehow had… - was heard, ringing across the room. All eyes turned to the former coach who had released the sound, and then turned to Kagami and Aomine when it became clear what she was pointing at.

"Look who's under the mistletoe!" she sang happily, clapping her hands together with an excitement Kagami thought the situation didn't quite merit. He felt like someone had just put an enormous spotlight on him, and they might as well have, but damn if he didn't look up to see that treacherous cluster of white berries hanging down from the ceiling, right over his own and Aomine's heads. He felt heat crawl up his face, and tried to ignore the immature chants of "kiss! kiss!" some of the people gathered around were starting up.

Aomine grinned, not appearing to be terribly bothered. "Might as well," he said, wrapping a hand around the back of Kagami's neck and dragging him into a deep, messy, _invasive_ kiss, shamelessly taking his lower lip between his teeth and pulling it when they broke away. There was some applause that was most likely teasing, and Kagami wondered how many of those people knew they were together and how many thought Aomine was just that unwilling to back down from a dare.

"What is it with you?" Kagami mumbled, returning the smoldering cancer stick to his mouth and sure his face was red as a beacon, only then registering that Aomine's familiar taste had been overlapped with something bitter, which he took a moment to analyze "Did you…? Were you drinking?"

"Not a party without a little booze," Aomine shrugged carelessly, "Everyone else is; why single me out?"

Never was Kagami so glad he was the perfect height to conk his boyfriend over the head, "Don't play stupid. First of all because I care about your dumb ass for some reason, and second, because none of _them_ already have another, stronger downer in their system. It's dangerous for those to mix - hell, they're dangerous enough on their own - and you know it. You're not usually so reckless."

"Reckless?" Aomine echoed, "It's just a little -"

"Don't even start with me," Kagami growled shortly, "You won't win this one. ….And anyway, you're lucky you're still on your feet." Actually, he was lucky to still be breathing….Kagami himself wasn't really sure what the combination of heroin and alcohol would do, but two wrongs didn't make a right, and two depressants certainly wouldn't make anything pleasant.

Aomine fell silent, shifting his weight and looking at the floor, "Sorry…" he said after a moment, and Kagami nearly choked on his cigarette, coughing on a mouthful of ash. That was the second time he'd ever heard that word from him...it seemed he only used it when it hit him that he'd really messed up and his life was at risk, which in his mind didn't happen often. He seemed to have just now grasped the severity of what would otherwise be seen as an inconsequential, casual decision. "It was only a little, honest. I won't do it again…"

 _I just don't want to see you hurt yourself...or worse._ He kept the thought silent as he caught his breath, meeting the apologetic pair of blue eyes briefly, "Just forget about it...what's done is done." But he was definitely going to keep an eye on Aomine, both to make sure he stayed standing and that he didn't do anything worse to his body tonight.

.

.

Aomine did make up for scaring him, when he asked suddenly if Kagami wanted to dance. Not particularly, if he was to be honest, but his curiosity was automatically piqued by the fact that he'd proposed it at all, so he accepted, snuffing out his cigarette under his shoe and letting himself be led to the edge of the dance floor; not caught up in the mass of roiling bodies, but close enough to be considered part of it. If given the choice, he would have thought Aomine was too lazy to want to dance, anywhere, ever, but boy did he prove him wrong, immediately bringing their bodies close together and moving to the throbbing music, swaying and grinding his hips, hooking his thumbs in his pockets to emphasize their motion. Kagami just followed his lead, and he got the feeling from his confidence that Aomine had either done this before, or was born with an unbelievable amount of natural talent, even outside the basketball court.

Eventually he found himself pressed against his lover, hands around his waist while Aomine's tangled in the back of his hair, lips occasionally meeting and wrestling as they moved with each other. It shouldn't have been so intimate and sexual, especially not to the tune of some _Santa Claus Is Coming To Town_ remix, but it was, and Kagami could feel the heat building between them as hips undulated and feet shifted to some rhythm that was more felt than heard. And somewhere between _Santa Baby_ and _Jingle Bell Rock_ , the dance simply melted into a heated make out session, so they stepped aside, back to their corner, and let people believe it was just the mistletoe overhead that kept their lips glued together.

.

.

When most of the party guests had dwindled away to their own homes, Aomine slid down from where he was standing against the wall, slouching against it and mumbling that he was going to take a nap until it was time to go. Shaking his head with a blend of fond exasperation and the worry that never fully went away, Kagami joined him there, sitting beside him and offering a shoulder to lie against, which Aomine promptly accepted, only nuzzling against it for a moment because no one else was watching.

"How do you feel?" Kagami asked, as he typically did when Aomine seemed to be crashing, lightly rubbing his back. He didn't know how he planned to nap with the loud music and people surrounding him, but Aomine had surprised him before, and he'd found him curled up asleep in the weirdest places. Once he even fell asleep sitting at the dinner table, but had hit his head on the flat wooden surface as he slumped, which woke him up quickly enough.

"Tired," Aomine replied, "But otherwise pretty good still; I don't hurt or anything."

Kagami closed his eyes briefly, with the magnitude of the seemingly-simple statement that meant a lot more. He kept forgetting, even now, how screwed up Aomine's scale of feeling was….that his definition of bliss had become merely the absence of pain. The drug was no longer something that made him feel euphoria on its own; now it was just an extra-strength pain killer and normal life was the high...when it faded it hurt just to exist.

"Do you want to go home?" he prompted softly, but Aomine was already asleep, and he didn't have the heart to wake him. He always seemed the most peaceful when he was sleeping, and almost looked younger...it was easier to believe he was only nineteen, anyway.

"Well that's a sight I never thought I'd see," Kagami blinked and looked up to see Riko peering down at him, something like a wistful smile on her face.

"It's been awhile, Coach," he murmured, shaking her hand with his free one. The gesture felt weird, too formal, and judging from Riko's slight frown, she agreed. She wasn't his coach anymore, but Kagami thought it would be strange to call her anything else, and he would always respect her as such.

"It has...and it seems awfully quiet without all you boys stirring up trouble." she squinted at the bluenette nestled against his shoulder, fast asleep, and propped one hand on her hip, "Hey, what's your secret? You tamed the vicious panther or something…"

Kagami laughed softly and kept his voice in an undertone, so he didn't disturb his sleeping boyfriend, "Nah, he was like this when I got him...I might have just declawed him a little." He smiled to himself, "He can be really sweet when he wants to be."

Riko snorted, "Huh, right. I'll believe that when I see it. ...So how have things been for you?"

Kagami made a vague gesture with one hand, "It's had ups and downs; living with this guy has definitely been an adventure."

"I'll bet...it's amazing your house is still standing and you're both in one piece."

"For now," Kagami sighed, slightly teasingly, "What about you? Someone special in your life?"

She shook her head, short hair - though longer than he'd ever seen it - bouncing against her cheeks, "Not right now, I think I need a break from guys being idiots."

Kagami didn't hear a "no offense", but he supposed he hadn't expected to, and gave the "none taken" shrug anyway. Against his shoulder, Aomine started snoring softly, to an amused glance from both members of the company he was unaware of.

"I should get this idiot to bed," he muttered, "It was nice...talking to you again, even if it was short. Feels like old times."

Riko just nodded mutely, and after a second, Kagami shook Aomine's shoulder gently to wake him. It took a few tries, but narrow, hazier-than-normal eyes flitted open after a moment and looked at him blearily.

"Wha…?"

"It's time to get going, you big baby. Can you walk on your own, or do I have to carry you to the car?"

"Carryin' would be nice," Aomine slurred, a hint of sarcasm somehow still finding its way into the half-awake statement, and he leaned his cheek against his shoulder again, as though not in a great hurry to move.

Kagami snickered, "Piggyback or bridal style?"

"'Could jus' put me over your shoulders like a dead deer." he mumbled sleepily against Kagami's shirt.

Kagami heard Riko stifle a giggle against the back of her hand, and Aomine seemed to realize he had an audience besides his boyfriend, because he stopped leaning against him and sat up, though he still slouched slightly and his eyes still looked a little unfocused.

"Do you still play?" Riko asked, as Kagami started to get to his feet, motioning for Aomine to do the same.

"Of course," they both chorused immediately, as if stopping playing basketball was simply out of the question….which it was. Obviously, it wasn't all day every day anymore, but they did play often, both individually and against each other.

"Should've known," the former Seirin coach grinned, "Once a basketball idiot, always a basketball idiot."

"Maybe we could get the old team together and play a game," Kagami suggested, putting an arm around Aomine's shoulders despite his disgruntled scowl.

The bluenette snorted derisively, "Your weakling friends? I could crush them all with one hand."

"Down boy," Kagami teased, nudging him with his elbow, "I'm sure you'd have fun; you'd be playing against me too. Or you could call up your Touou buddies and we could make it a real match...like old times."

"I guess," Aomine said shortly, lifting his shoulders slightly in a shrug, "...Weren't we leaving?"

"I don't mean to hold you up," Riko chipped in, "It does sound like a good time to get the gang back together; I'll give you a call. ...Oh, and Merry Christmas to both of you, by the way."

"Right back at you. See you soon," Kagami nodded, steering Aomine in the direction of the exit before he could give a cheeky remark.

The air outside the building was brisk, icier and more biting than it had been the past week, and their breath clouded before them as they trudged to where Kagami had parked the car. Aomine wrapped his jacket tighter around himself and gave a dramatic shiver, and it occurred to Kagami that the sweat that was ever-present on his brow must have been making him even colder, and he drew his boyfriend closer to his side, hoping his body heat would help.

Once in the car, he cranked up the heat, and had paused to take out a cigarette to warm himself up on the inside, when he noticed Aomine's disapproving frown.

"Not in here; you'll either set the steering wheel on fire or make me want one," he muttered.

"I'll take my chances," Kagami sighed, lighting up and taking a slow breath of the relaxing nicotine. "Here," he added, tossing another cigarette to the passenger seat, which Aomine attempted to catch in midair and missed. _His reflexes are sluggish; not like he doesn't have enough drugs in his system...he shouldn't add any more, but I can't control what he does._ Placing the object between his lips, Aomine held out his hand for the lighter and followed suit, inhaling deeply and tipping his head back to blow whorls of smoke at the ceiling of the car, watching them dissipate with almost childlike interest.

Kagami shook his head slowly to himself, "Why do you still glare at me for smoking, and then turn around and do it yourself?"

Aomine made a sound that could have been a grunt or a laugh, not looking at him, "I have a lot of values and I live by none of them. ...Buckle your seatbelt."

"Huh. Case in point," Kagami said bluntly, doing what he said, though Aomine neglected to do the same, slowly pulling out of the parking space and onto the road.

Aomine was silent for a moment, dropping his gaze, and then spoke again, "Besides...I don't really care where I end up, but I care where you do. Just...whatever you do, don't be an idiot and follow my example."

Kagami took a moment to deduce that Aomine had essentially called himself an idiot, which, considering his ego, was pretty surprising, "Hmm, if I didn't know you were some bizarre mix of drunk and very very high right now, I'd say you've gone soft, Ahomine."

Aomine held up his forefinger and thumb about a centimeter apart, "Only a tiny bit drunk; I don't feel any different."

"Well if we get stopped by a cop, we could have him check your blood-alcohol concentration, and then I'll know if you're lying."

Blue eyes turned to his, and he spared a glance at them before turning back to the road, "Come on, don't you trust me?"

It was a loaded question, and it took Kagami several seconds to think of an answer, rolling down the window despite the cold air whipping past to let out some of the smoke that was fogging up the windshield. Part of him wanted to say no. Hell no, even. Aomine had lied blatantly, on multiple occasions, sometimes even directly to his face, had been sneaky and dishonest, and had given Kagami very little reason to place his trust in him for anything.

But...he remembered Aomine admitting he'd had something to drink tonight, and almost immediately swallowing his pride and apologizing when he saw how badly it scared Kagami, he remembered him acknowledging a moment ago that the path he'd taken was wrong and stupid, and he knew in his heart that he would leave it if he wasn't in so deep.

He sighed, "Yeah...yeah, I trust you."

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The rest of the car ride home was mostly silent, and Aomine had leaned his elbow against the window beside him, resting his forehead against his hand and taking occasional drags from his gradually shrinking cigarette, the bright orange ember at the tip contrasting strangely with his twilight eyes. Where Kagami typically smoked about half of his before smothering it out, Aomine sucked it down to the very last centimeters, until there was nothing left but the butt and he had ash all over his knuckles. It took him longer, and he smoked much less frequently; Kagami could go through an entire pack in a day if left unsupervised, and sometimes did. And Aomine would scold him like a child for his lack of self-control, which Kagami still found at least a little ironic to hear coming from him. He knew his boyfriend was just being protective, and he appreciated the concern for his health, but really...he of all people had no room to talk.

"I'm surprised Tetsu wasn't at the party," he said after a moment, glancing at Kagami briefly, "The rest of Seirin's old team was, and that…" he made a vague gesture in front of his chest as if to try to convey his dissatisfaction with Riko's breast size, "...little coach of theirs was hosting it, right?"

Kagami shrugged, dismissively, flicking on his turn signal, "Maybe he was and none of us saw him. The guy is kind of invisible, remember?" Thinking back, he couldn't remember even glimpsing Kuroko, but he wouldn't have been that surprised if he'd just decided not to go; his former "shadow" liked his peace and quiet.

"Passing up the chance to see all of us at once isn't like him," Aomine muttered. Kagami recognized Aomine's use of the word "us" referred to the members of the Generation of Miracles, and for some reason the idea unsettled him a little. He thought Kuroko wouldn't have come for his high school team, just his middle school one? He couldn't think why he'd put emphasis on not seeing him above everyone else.

Then it occurred to him that Aomine hadn't seen Kuroko in almost a year; hadn't played against him - in a loose sense of the word - or even talked to him alone in much longer. He wondered if it was possible he just missed his old friend, and was disappointed to not see him again. Frowning to himself with an unexpected tug of sympathy, he slowed as he neared their apartment and pulled into the parking lot, rolling into the assigned space and turning off the ignition.

"I could give him a call, if you want," he proposed tentatively, "The night's still young, we could at least see what he's up to."

Aomine blinked, surprise and possibly gratitude glinting in his eyes for only a moment before he suppressed it. But he shook his head with a noncommittal "Tomorrow, maybe."

Kagami noticed him wince with the motion, and wondered if he was feeling dizzy or nauseous at all from the alcohol he'd taken in. It was strangely cute, and as that thought registered, he reflected ruefully that he should probably have his head examined for finding anything about the crass, arrogant, 192 centimeter man cute in the slightest, especially his discomfort.

He looked over at his boyfriend, asking with his eyes if he was doing okay, and got the expected petulant glare in return. In no rush to leave the warm, now inactive vehicle, he slowly studied Aomine's profile; from the smoldering eyes that had captured him from the first time they battled on the court, to the rugged strands of raven blue hair, to the strong, masculine angle of his prominent chin.

His gaze saddened as he tracked over the exhausted, heavy shadows that circled his eyes - eyes that, looking again, were glassy and a little bloodshot - the thin layer of sweat on his sallow skin, the almost imperceptible lines prematurely aging his handsome, once youthful face. All this damage...and Kagami still maintained adamantly that he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Because his love transformed the flaws; the marred, unhealthy parts of him that he'd allowed to waste away, and made even the sickly fever and the scars beautiful, because they were part of him.

Aomine scowled, putting out what was left of his cigarette shamelessly against the car door, "What're you looking at me like that for? You got mush for brains?"

"Hn, probably." Kagami sighed. After all everyone else kept saying his judgment was impaired, or he was downright insane, for his choice in a partner...especially those who knew the full extent of their relationship, "Just thinking."

The bluenette snorted with dry amusement, "Don't hurt yourself."

Not listening to the remark, Kagami leaned across the center console between them, and his lips came to a soft rest on Aomine's, one hand reaching up and combing through his short, coarse sable hair. He could taste a muddle of the burnt spice of tobacco and the sourness of alcohol as Aomine leaned up and pressed their mouths together more fully, but his unique, alluring taste was there just the same; smooth and rich and blunt, like very dark chocolate. Drawn in, he eased his tongue into his mouth to get a stronger taste, welcomed by a soft moan and a caress from Aomine's own tongue.

Lapping and probing the familiar territory, one of Kagami's hands dropped and undid his seatbelt so he could lean closer, his other hand sliding down Aomine's chest to his stomach once he did. Not willing to be outdone, Aomine ground their mouths together harder, arching into the light touch a moment before his fingers attacked the untidy hair at Kagami's nape, pulling him still closer by the neck, jostling Kagami's legs uncomfortably against the confinement of the steering wheel. The twinge of pain as one of his knees rammed into the hard surface brought him back to reality - that he was making out with his boyfriend in the front seat of the car and they should probably head inside before resuming - and he started to draw away and sit back, only for Aomine to shoot after him and latch onto his lips again hungrily. Sharp teeth worried his lower lip, nibbling and pricking alternately, sometimes replaced by strokes from a hot, talented tongue, and he promptly surrendered any attempts to get out of the car and into the house, murmuring a wordless sound of contentment. He could feel Aomine panting against his mouth, sweeping his lips over his own, then over his chin and jaw, traveling lower to his throat and the hollow of his collarbone.

"Dammit," Aomine breathed, the word almost inaudible heat on his neck, and sizzling indigo eyes looked up at him for a moment. Leaning in, he grazed Kagami's lips with his teeth before giving a sharp bite, "You really know how to rile me up…"

Kagami managed a shaky chuckle and roved his eyes over the windows that had already started to steam up with the heat between them. He met Aomine's gaze and leered, "What are you going to do about it?"

Aomine tsked, "Baiting a hungry panther; irresponsible decision-making on your part, Baka."

Kagami snickered as Aomine invoked both his own teasing label and one of Kagami's many variations in one sentence, gradually transforming the sound of amusement into one of seduction, pinning Aomine with the most heated, suggestive look he could muster. "Well, have I caught you?"

Aomine just about smashed him against the window with the ferocity of his answering kiss, hands braced against the glass as he rose completely out of his seat to get closer, kneeling on the center console. "Hopelessly," he replied between starved assaults of lips and teeth, voice rough and deep with desire.

Kagami's chest felt tight at yet another indirect, veiled reminder of Aomine's love, but that wasn't the only part of his body that responded to that dark, sensual voice, washing over him like a caress. Shifting uncomfortably as aching pressure constrained his lower region, he reached down to try to ease some of it, but Aomine was quick to stop him. Large, warm, impossibly strong hands clamped down on his wrists, pinning his arms against the window behind his head, and when he met his boyfriend's dusky blue eyes he found them alight with excitement, a smirk edging that sinful mouth.

Kagami resisted briefly just to prove he could, but it was half-hearted and unserious; he was much more curious about what Aomine was going to do. He seemed assertive and even cocky tonight, which he hadn't been in a long time...he either hadn't felt up to taking full control, or hadn't felt worthy of it, since he came back from the hell of withdrawal, months ago. Every time he had started to ravish Kagami in earnest, he would just break off and back down, almost seeming apologetic; it was very unlike him, and Kagami had wondered often if it would be a lasting shift. He'd accepted a lot of change in Aomine over the last three years - as long as he didn't undermine the entirety of his being, and with it everything Kagami loved about him - and he supposed he'd been willing to accept a little more. Maybe he wouldn't have to.

Aomine trailed his lips from Kagami's down to his chest, finding a nipple through his shirt and pinching it between his teeth, eliciting a near-violent squirm, as Kagami's hips bucked and a rather high-pitched sound of mixed pleasure and pain escaped him. His attention firmly snared, he was caught for a moment by the intensity of Aomine's typically lusterless eyes, now blazing with life and intent, and he couldn't help staring, awed by the difference that little bit of light made. It seemed to transform Aomine's whole face; made his expression fiercer, his smirk hotter, even his skin seemed brighter. It was startling, and certainly didn't help Kagami's discomfort that was receiving no assistance at the moment.

Almost unbearably turned on, and having difficulty breathing, he leaned up to ask for those grinning lips to return to his own, frustrated that he couldn't reach out and touch, but Aomine withheld contact tauntingly, scanning over him as though trying to eat him alive with his eyes.

"How'd I get so fucking lucky?" Kagami nearly missed the murmured question, and when it registered he barely believed it, eyebrows furrowing in a frown as he searched his boyfriend's face. He actually seemed sincere; the usual teasing absent from his expression and his voice...that was odd.

"...You really are drunk, aren't you?"

"Shut up, I'm serious," Aomine insisted, leaning in and brushing his lips against Kagami's jaw.

 _Seriously wasted…_ Kagami kept the thought to himself, not wanting to trouble Aomine and make the light fade from his eyes again. He'd always had a thing for his eyes; almost since they met, but it had been a long time since he'd seen them this alert and vibrant. He'd almost forgotten what he was missing.

Hands still restraining Kagami's wrists, Aomine traveled down his chest gradually; Kagami could feel the ministrations of his teeth and tongue through the fabric of his shirt, leaving areas damp with saliva in his wake where he'd sucked and licked. When he came to his waist he paused, gaze climbing back up to Kagami's face, which was probably starting to match the color of his hair, his breath coming in uneven gasps.

"I'm going to devour you, Kagami…" he said softly, in little more than a low growl, leaning up again, little by little, until his kiss-swollen lips were centimeters from Kagami's own, "I'm going to make a mess of you, and suck you so good you won't be able to walk when I'm through with you."

Kagami had to bite back a moan as the words breathed possessively over his skin just about set his pants on fire; he was fairly sure said pants were starting to cut off circulation somewhere, and his legs were trembling against the steering wheel they were cramped uncomfortably against. Aomine noticed, and released his wrists, hands sliding down his chest ethereally before withdrawing as he sat back slightly. Kagami watched breathlessly, and saw him jerk his chin in the direction of the back seat; a crude, wordless command.

Kagami didn't need to be told twice, and clambered into the back as quick as he could manage when his legs felt like jelly, never mind the tortuous, aching pressure between them. He heard one of the car doors close, and then Aomine rejoined him, pouncing on his legs and immediately attacking his lips to make up for his brief absence. Pressed together in this way, Kagami could feel Aomine was as hard as he was, and when the bluenette made use of the newfound space and rolled his hips, grinding their erections together, he had to break the deep kiss to gulp a breath, releasing a strained moan when the action was repeated.

"F-fuck, Aomine…" he stammered, all the air in his lungs leaving him in a shaky rush. Aomine's fingers roved over his body; one hand slipping under his shirt as the other worked at the zipper of his pants, pushing it down with his thumb and deftly undoing the button. Dipping his head down, Aomine grazed his lips against Kagami's waist, swirling his tongue over the sensitive skin as he slowly lowered his pants down to his thighs. Kagami's head fell back against the seat as searing fingers wrapped around his cock through the thin barrier of his underwear, squeezing lightly before slipping underneath, caressing the hardened flesh skin-to-skin. Hips lifting into his touch, Kagami hissed a breath, hands clenching in the upholstery of the seats.

He felt the tip of a broad tongue slide down the head of his erection before it was enveloped in the wet heat of Aomine's mouth, and a ragged moan escaped him, one hand reaching down and fisting a handful of short, damp hair. Aomine's hands pressed down on his hips, and gradually he slid more of Kagami into his mouth, pulling back up with a light scrape of teeth that had Kagami shaking, emitting grit-out, breathless sounds of pleasure.

Attending to the head once again, licking and slurping, Aomine watched Kagami raptly, never taking his burning cobalt eyes off of him. There was a flare of satisfaction in them, along with the pure carnal desire that Kagami was sure was reflected in his own. He wanted to keep gazing into their depths, but when Aomine slowly took him to the root and sucked, his eyes squeezed shut and a long groan was pulled from him, his mouth dropping open as his chest heaved for air he couldn't seem to take in properly.

"Aomine… A - _ah!-_ Aomine…" the name was all he could manage; tumbling from his lips again and again as he shook and panted helplessly beneath his lover, gulping breaths that never brought enough oxygen and lifting his hips counterpoint to the leisurely bobbing of Aomine's head, driving him deeper in his mouth. Aomine took it all; sucking and pulling and swirling his tongue around the cock bumping the back of his throat, humming around his mouthful.

"Aomin - oh _God,_ " Arching up off the seat to his prompting, Kagami threw his head back with a strangled shout. He heard a smack, and felt pain blossom across the back of his skull, but disregarded it, fingers knotting in blue hair as every muscle locked, tense and trembling, at the peak of release. Aomine's lips formed a seal around his twitching erection, and as Kagami spilled into his mouth, he felt the muscles of his throat convulse as he swallowed once, and then twice, as the last wave of orgasm wrung through Kagami's body.

Kagami collapsed, gasping for breath, and finally registered the splitting ache from the back of his head, throbbing to life as stars gradually stopped careening behind his eyelids. Sitting up with a wince, he gingerly felt the area, glancing ruefully at the car door behind him that he must have hit his head against when he came.

Aomine sat up as well, releasing Kagami's cock with an almost obscene wet sound. He seemed to be a little short of breath, eyes glittering, a tiny trail of sticky fluid leading from the corner of his mouth down to his chin, which he promptly licked away; the erotic action capturing Kagami's gaze.

Breathing still uneven and labored, head still pounding from colliding with the door, he couldn't help but lean in and connect their lips, fingers that had previously gripped and pulled at his hair lightly smoothing through it instead. Aomine returned the kiss, pressing their mouths together before drawing back to allow them both a moment to grab some air.

He took a deep breath, and released it on a shaky chuckle, "Damn; your head feeling alright, Bakagami? I heard the crack, that sounded fucking painful."

Averting his gaze, Kagami rubbed the spot again, resigning himself to the lump that was probably going to form there, "I'm fine."

"Just be careful not to lose what little brains you have left," Aomine smirked, "That'd be a shame."

Kagami quickly cast about the surrounding area for something to hit him with, but came up empty, and settled for slapping his shoulder instead, "Shut up, asshole. ...Anyway, what about you? You were already tired even before your...activities…" Flustered, he tried to think of a casual way he could hide the flush rising to his cheeks; even after being together for three years, and sleeping side by side - in the nude more often than not - he still reacted this way when bringing up the details of their intimacy.

Aomine shrugged carelessly, "Don't worry about me," He stretched his arms behind his head, letting out his breath a little at a time, as if the task was as strenuous as lifting weights.

 _How can I_ not _worry about you?_ Kagami thought to himself, dropping his gaze and pulling his pants back up, "Let's head inside and get you to bed; it's pretty late."

Aomine rolled his eyes, "Yes mom,"

"Hey, Aho," Kagami snapped, halfway out of his seat in preparation to leave the car.

"Hm," Aomine grunted, in the childish, stubborn tone he took when he knew he was about to be chewed out.

Kagami's eyes swept over him briefly, taking in the smooth curve of his cheek, slick with sweat that dripped down from his ruffled hair; his tired eyes that still retained a trace of the luster they had sported before...and he melted with a defeated sigh, unable to stay cross with him, "Love you."

Aomine started in surprise and looked up at him, and then lowered his head again and started to exit the vehicle as well, but Kagami saw the tiny, pleased grin he couldn't quite wipe from his face, "I know." He got up out of his seat stiffly, and just before he closed the door, Kagami heard him add, "Ditto, Baka."

He blinked. That was as close to returning the statement as he'd ever heard from him, and it made him freeze in his tracks for a moment, hand still on the door handle. Usually he would just say "I know" and leave it at that. And that was more than enough; acknowledgement, acceptance of the huge promise he never really reciprocated verbally. And he would always show he felt the same, even if he didn't say it...so why now…?

"Yo, Kagami!" he heard Aomine call impatiently from across the parking lot, "We going in or what? You've got the keys."

Shutting the car door and jogging to catch up with him, Kagami gave an exasperated sigh, "Don't tell me you lost yours again,"

"Lost? Of course not; I just haven't found them yet."

Laughing despite himself, Kagami gave his boyfriend a teasing shove as he fell in step beside him, "You're hopeless."

"Maybe," Aomine muttered, staggering dramatically at the light push, though he couldn't have known how that teasing action made Kagami's stomach briefly clench with worry, "But you still put up with me."

Looking at his shoes, Kagami fit the key into the door and turned it, ushering the bluenette inside, "Of course I do, dumbass," he growled unseriously, "...No one else is going to." The last part he added in an undertone to himself as he stood in the doorway, watching Aomine tackle the stairs; something that seemed to become a little more of a challenge for him every time he had to face it.

.

.

Aomine lingered at Kagami's side as he inhaled half the kitchen, even if he himself didn't partake, claiming he wasn't hungry; and he stayed, leaning casually against the counter, even after Kagami suggested he go on ahead of him to lie down and rest. It seemed he would just rather go through his nightly routine with him, and he supposed he couldn't fault that. Little shows of loyalty like these were the ones that never failed to utterly melt his heart, and though significant gestures were rather few and far between, Aomine was careful to always subtly remind Kagami how much he meant to him.

As a force of habit, they undressed each other once in the bedroom, and Kagami stilled as his warm hands caressed over his skin, smoothing down his shoulders and encircling around his waist, drawing him close.

"What's your deal?" Kagami murmured against his collarbone, as Aomine placed soft kisses on his forehead, inhaling deeply; breathing in his scent.

"Just enjoying you," Aomine said simply. Then he let him go as if nothing had happened, turning and flopping down on the bed in nothing but his boxers; finding the spot he liked on the mattress and curling up.

Kagami scratched a hand through his hair, honestly unsure how to respond to that. No doubt Aomine's thinking was a little slow and fuzzy right now with exhaustion and the alcohol he'd taken in, but it was still kind of a shock how dead-serious he seemed to be, appearing to know exactly what he was saying and mean it. _He'll be back to normal by tomorrow,_ he thought to himself, joining him on the bed and wrapping his arms around him with a quiet sigh.

Aomine was taller - by a couple of centimeters, but still - and yet somehow he usually ended up as the little spoon when the two of them lay together. It hadn't always been the case, but since Kagami had held him through those nights that he suffered the awful shaking and pain and vomiting a few months ago, he seemed to just prefer it that way. Kagami had no complaints; he admitted he could be rather protective of the big idiot, and he certainly got himself into enough messes to need that protection, though obviously he would never say so. Still, he only let himself be so vulnerable around Kagami alone, showing him a side of him that he assumed the rest of the world had never seen.

Leaning up, he brushed his lips against the curve of one tan ear, "I love you," he breathed over the sensitive skin, following a path down the side of his jaw, "I love you, I love you…"

Aomine shifted slightly, and Kagami felt his back vibrate against his chest as he tried to contain his laughter, "Idiot...what are you doing?" he mumbled, voice slurred with intoxication and half-sleep.

 _Trying to get you to return it again…_ That motive hadn't occurred to him until Aomine had asked, and he kept it silent, lips hovering over his ear. Eventually, he just huffed a breath and snuggled up to his boyfriend's warmth, a faint smile crossing his face; he wondered if Aomine could feel it against his shoulder blade.

"Just enjoying you," he whispered, though he suspected from how Aomine's breathing had deepened that he had already fallen asleep.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Three days before…_

Kagami made good on his word and called up Kuroko as soon as he was able, though it was about a week later that he finally said he was free and could come over to spend some time with his two former "lights". And of course, the first thing Aomine did was pounce on the chance to play basketball with him, inviting Kagami to join so they could alternate who had Kuroko on their team and "see which light/shadow duo was really the best". How could Kagami have refused when he seemed so eager, tugging him by the arm and honest-to-God beaming with excitement? Of course, part of him knew that some of that exuberance was because he'd recently been drugged up and was flying high as a kite; and judging from the sidelong, almost concerned glance Kuroko shot the bluenette when he stepped outside - dragging Kagami by the wrist like a child - he knew it too.

At first, all went well. Not for Kagami, who was promptly trampled under the wicked combo of Aomine and Kuroko working together; but Aomine seemed to be enjoying himself, and despite how none of them had practiced diligently - or even played seriously at all - in some time, it only took a few moments and the familiar sensation of a basketball at their fingertips for neglected muscles and reflexes to remember their purpose and snap into action. Even though he started out a little stiff, eventually Kagami loosened up as his body became accustomed once again to all the running and stopping and pivoting, though it did little to help him hold his opponents at bay; and outnumbered - possibly outclassed - he knew immediately he was going to lose. But even with that knowledge, he didn't hold back, blocking Aomine for all he was worth and stealing the ball whenever he could manage it, jamming it repeatedly into the single, battered hoop that stood on a concrete makeshift court behind the apartment building.

It had been only twenty minutes and he was already worn out; panting for breath and dripping sweat, and _God_ , he'd missed this. The rough, dimpled surface of the basketball leaping to his hands, the thrill as his feet left the ground, legs propelling him like coiled springs until he wondered if he could just sprout wings and fly, the satisfying swish of the net as he drove the ball home, surrendering to gravity and slamming back to Earth like a meteor a moment before the round, orange projectile joined him there. Even when the ball was snatched out of his hand by the apparition of Kuroko, coming out of nowhere like the phantom he was so often named, he was grinning ear to ear.

It wasn't hard to see that Aomine felt the same. He seemed lighter, happier than he'd been in a long time; as he streaked gleefully back and forth across the pavement, intercepting Kuroko's blazing passes and tossing them in one by one, he almost looked...relieved. It had been years, Kagami knew, since he'd played on the same team as Kuroko, and he could see that the grin his boyfriend couldn't seem to fight off his face was partially nostalgia, racing along the court beside his old friend; running on the same path, aiming for the same goal.

He'd heard Aomine say once that a good game of basketball was better than sex, and since as far as he knew the only sex Aomine had ever had was with _him_ , he might have taken offense if he didn't actually agree with him. There was nothing that quite compared, and even as he accepted his defeat with a resigned smile, watching Aomine clap Kuroko on the shoulder victoriously, laughing out loud, he couldn't believe he'd deprived himself - deprived _Aomine_ \- of such a simple joy for so long.

When it came time to switch teams, Kagami was both eager to teach Aomine a lesson and redeem himself, and a little bit reluctant to push his tiring body further, knowing it would be difficult to get up for work tomorrow morning if he gave everything he had. Impending soreness aside, he sized up his opponent, and immediately, he could see that his own weariness paled in comparison to Aomine's. The first game had ended several minutes ago, but he was still breathing hard, eyes dull, drenched in sweat, and if Kagami had looked close he would have seen his hands and knees trembling slightly. It had been a long time since he'd exercised so intensely; his body was unused to it, and Kagami wouldn't have been surprised if his stamina had been greatly depleted by years of deliberately damaging himself. He knew his own had been cut down a bit with his excessive smoking habit, making it more difficult to catch his breath, and he'd admittedly hunched over and coughed his throat raw after that first match was over, aware of two sets of blue eyes watching him, perhaps just a little judgmentally.

It was a relief to be able to rely on Kuroko, when the second round started, and though he was scarcely able to see his passes coming, he was grateful for them, his gratitude gradually giving to euphoria when he noticed it was much easier to score this way, and Aomine - arrogant, the-only-one-who-can-beat-me-is-me Aomine - was starting to fall behind. He was so wrapped up in the rhythm, drumming the ball against the ground and leaping to plunge it into the net, coordinating with the "shadow" he hadn't played alongside since leaving high school behind, that for a moment he didn't notice the warning bells that should have been going off in his head; as Aomine fumbled the ball when he tried to catch it, allowing it to be stolen by Kuroko, as he slowed to let Kagami take another basket, not even trying to stop him, or go for the rebound. He could hear how labored his breath had gotten, sawing in his chest; could see the sweat pouring down his forehead, flicking from his hair like rain when he tried to shake it out of his face; but, he was ashamed to admit, the alarm didn't fully register until his boyfriend tried to set up a screen to block him, and his shaking legs crumpled.

"Aomine!" he gasped, fear lancing through him, as the bluenette fell to his hands and knees, shoulders heaving, seeming to be unable to get enough air.

Letting the basketball fall from his hands and bounce away, Kagami knelt in front of him. He couldn't see his face as his head was bowed, but he could hear him gulping desperate, wrenching breaths.

"Aomine, can you hear me?" he thought it might have been a little too much to ask for him to say anything back, but he at least wanted to get him to look up. _How could I let it get this bad? I knew he was exhausted, but...I made him play anyway…_

Glancing up, he saw Kuroko approaching at a run, and the slighter man crouched beside him, icy blue eyes questioning, "What happened?"

"I don't know, he just fell…" Kagami said numbly, wiping sweat from his own forehead, watching Aomine's dripping on the ground, "...He's so wiped out."

Kuroko's face seemed to harden, and he stood again, walking over to Aomine's other side, "Help me get him to his feet, Kagami-kun; we'll take him inside."

Aomine raised his head a fraction, as if in response to the calm voice; Kagami only got a moment to look in his blurred, dizzy eyes before he ducked his head again, and a shudder ran violently through his body, followed by the sound of vomit splattering on the ground. He winced in sympathy as Aomine managed a protesting, wavering groan; the sound was barely out before his shoulders heaved again, and he emptied his stomach of everything he'd eaten recently.

Impulsively, he reached out a hand, smoothing it comfortingly down his boyfriend's back as he panted raggedly for breath, spitting in disgust on the growing puddle of vomit.

"Fucking gross…" he heard him mumble, his voice uncharacteristically tiny and miserable.

"Shh," Kagami murmured, the hand stroking his back moving up to his soaking hair, brushing it away from his forehead, "It's okay; we're going to get you inside and cleaned up in just a minute. Just hang in there for me..."

With that, he hooked an arm under Aomine's, supporting his back while Kuroko took the other side, and together they hoisted him to stand. He could feel Kuroko's gaze on him; boring into him, compelling him to look up, but he was too focused on trying to read Aomine's condition. He was half-stumbling, half letting himself be dragged inside, and seemed like he could barely keep his eyes open, his breathing that had been so rough a moment ago suppressed and shallow, and his head kept falling forward, to the point that he almost bumped his chin on his chest more than once.

The stairs were torture, and even with the combined efforts of Kagami and Kuroko hauling Aomine's more or less deadweight form up them, it still took ages to reach the landing, and both he and his "shadow" were out of breath by the time they stumbled into Kagami's apartment. Kuroko let Kagami take it from there, stretching his small back and saying dully that he was going to go fill a glass of water for Aomine to wash the sour taste out of his mouth.

"Do you want to change clothes?" Kagami asked his boyfriend in an undertone, eyeing the stains of sweat and sick all down his shirt.

Aomine lifted his head just slightly and then let it drop again, which he supposed counted as a nod, "Yeah," He almost didn't hear the affirming reply, it was so quiet.

It wasn't normal for Aomine to be quiet. Bad things happened when Aomine was quiet.

Swallowing uneasily, he supported the bluenette all the way to their bedroom and helped him sit down on the bed, peeling his soiled shirt off of him and tossing it into the hamper across the room without even looking. He then located a fresh one and pulled it down carefully over Aomine's head, guiding his arms through the sleeves and watching the winces of discomfort crossing his face. Kagami's hands lingered on his long, tan arms slick with sweat, sliding slowly down toward his wrists and pausing at the scars on his left inner elbow. He felt his own breath catch in his chest, and, quickly stifling tears before they could form, he let go, rising to his feet.

"Kagami?" Aomine prompted softly, looking up at him with bleary, listless eyes.

Kagami made a noise in the back of his throat that could have passed for a response.

"...Did I win?"

He felt something yank on his heart, and sighed deeply, plastering a small, fabricated smile on his face, "Yeah...yeah, you beat me good." His voice and his mask cracked mid-sentence, and he shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants, looking away because it was painful to see Aomine in this state.

There was a drawn out moment of silence, broken eventually by Kuroko appearing, holding out the glass of water in his hand towards Aomine.

"Can you hold this without dropping it?" his voice was impassive, as always, but there was a note of rigidity in it, edging towards distaste.

"I think so," Aomine muttered, accepting the glass with shaky hands and taking a tentative sip from it, then a longer swallow, tipping his head back slightly to let the liquid rinse out his throat that was probably sore and bitter-tasting.

"You should rest," Kagami said, "I'll let you know when dinner's ready; you can decide if you want to eat or not then." He acknowledged that Aomine probably should replenish what his body had just purged him of, but he wasn't going to force food down his throat, especially if he was feeling unwell.

"Is it alright if I stay, Kagami-kun?" Kuroko asked from beside him, shifting his weight slightly.

"Of course," Kagami nodded, without looking at him, "We should both give Aomine some peace and quiet, though, so he can sleep."

Kuroko gave a sound of agreement, and when Kagami looked away from Aomine's face to turn his attention to his friend, he was already gone, as if he'd vanished into thin air.

Shaking his head slowly to himself, he gently laid Aomine down on the bed, placing a light kiss on his forehead; it felt raging hot against his lips.

"Call me if you need anything, Aho," he murmured against the damp, feverish skin, "I'll check up on you in about an hour."

"Okay," Aomine whispered, half-lidded eyes already fluttering closed.

Dragging himself away, Kagami hesitated in the doorway for a moment, before leaving the room and searching for Kuroko. Even just standing there, he'd felt tense...something in the back of his mind kept worrying nonsensically that if Aomine fell asleep, he wouldn't wake up again.

.

.

"Dinner's on the table!" Kagami called, not as loudly as he could have, in case Aomine was still sleeping, hanging his apron on its hook and clearing the counters off in the kitchen before heading into the dining room to see if anyone had answered his summons.

He'd checked in on Aomine as he'd said he would, about half an hour ago, and found him sound asleep, snoring quietly into his pillow. He'd scrunched up the blankets behind him, forming a sort of soft wall that hugged his back, and it had taken Kagami a moment to figure out what for. The way he'd positioned the comforter to line up with his body was very similar to the way Kagami would lie against him, and once it clicked that he'd created a sort of imitation-Kagami to compensate for the absence of the real one, he'd had to leave the room to keep from joining his sleeping boyfriend in bed, taking his rightful place beside him and holding him to his chest protectively. He'd considered it, but he didn't think it was worth letting dinner burn if Aomine was already asleep anyway.

The dining room was empty of both Kuroko and Aomine, and Kagami hadn't heard footsteps from either of them, or so much as glimpsed Kuroko since he'd left the bedroom after gaining his consent to stay. Frowning, he peered into the living room, but the light bluenette wasn't there either. He started to head toward the bedroom to see if Aomine had likewise disappeared, and froze as he heard lowered voices coming from the hallway. Leaning against the wall, around the corner from the speakers, he strained his ears to pick up what they were saying.

 _Eavesdropping...if Kuroko finds out, he's going to tear you a new one,_ He pushed the thoughts aside as Aomine's familiar, if slightly-scratchy voice registered. He must have gotten up, and felt well enough to move around and speak.

The immediate surge of relief he felt evaporated when the words registered.

"You have no goddamn right to judge me, Tetsu….you don't know what you're talking about."

"I have eyes," Kuroko retorted coldly, "I can see what this is doing to you, and Kagami-kun, even if he has willingly blinded himself to it."

"Kagami isn't blind," Aomine argued, sounding almost reproachful, "He knows, he...he gets it."

Kuroko made a sound that could have been a sigh or a grim laugh, "You take his side because he's taken yours. The point, Aomine-kun, is Kagami-kun is too in love with you to put up a fight and tell you when enough is enough. I, however, have no such inhibitions. You need help."

"So what are you going to do?" Aomine sneered, "What can you possibly do?"

"To you? Nothing." Kuroko said calmly, "You have done enough to yourself as it is. You are a lost cause; too far gone in your stubbornness and self-pity to be reasoned with. But Kagami-kun…"

"You'd turn him against me?" Kagami blinked; Aomine actually sounded uneasy. Not quite scared, but there was definitely stress in his voice. He was surprised how brutal Kuroko's words were, however mild they were in tone...he was hitting the places he knew would hurt, and really, he was more capable of that than most; he knew Aomine like the back of his hand.

"I would not," Kuroko responded serenely, "But I will talk sense into him, and open his eyes, if I have to."

"Are you threatening me?" Aomine's voice had dropped several octaves, and it sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth, "You can't do that. You can't take Kagami from me; he's all I have left, he's...everything…." The last word was little more than a whisper, but Kagami still caught it, and felt his heart just about stop in his chest.

"He listens to you," Now Aomine's voice was brittle and strained, as if each word were painful to get out, "...And you, Tetsu, you can be so fucking manipulative. You can twist words around and make me into the bad guy…"

"Aren't you?" Kagami lifted his head in surprise at Kuroko's short response. Completely deadpan, and therefore crueller even than if it had been laced with anger or disgust.

Aomine sighed heavily, "You're right. ...This is my fault," Kagami could barely believe his ears, and he had in fact pressed one ear against the wall, as if that would help him understand this conversation - argument? - he was overhearing, "But I did try to stop it; really, I did. You don't...you don't know what it was like."

Kagami heard fabric rustling and feet shifting on the hardwood floor, and he wished he could see what was happening, because it sounded an awful lot like one of them had pushed the other, or grabbed their shirt, or something.

"You will not receive my pity," Kuroko hissed, and Kagami could feel his own heart pounding against his ribs. He'd heard Kuroko angry, but he'd never heard him like this, and it was almost terrifying. Still matter-of-fact and prosaic as ever, but now his words were like icy barbs, "I respected you. Even before the day we met, you had my admiration, and I believed in you even when everyone else turned away. No longer. You've gone too far, Aomine-kun, I have nothing left for you now. Only disappointment."

Aomine was silent for a long moment, and Kagami wondered if he was reeling under the freezing hail of Kuroko's temper. He felt like _he_ was, and those stinging words weren't even directed at him.

He almost heard Aomine swallow, "Tetsu…"

"You don't deserve any of what you have," Kuroko interrupted, enunciating each word as if speaking to someone deaf or particularly slow, "Kagami-kun's love is a gift; he does not owe it to you. It's unbelievable that it has lasted this long, and withstood so much; that kind of faith is rare and precious, and yet you shamelessly squander it. But that is not the only gift you are wasting."

Aomine said nothing, and Kagami couldn't even picture his expression. His own eyes had slipped closed, and he wanted desperately to round the corner and reassure his lover, but he couldn't let himself be found out, especially with Kuroko acting so unpredictable and unforgiving.

"You don't deserve Kagami-kun," Kuroko concluded, "You've already ruined yourself, but you are ruining him as well, and he deserves better than to be dragged down with you. It's time you stopped being so selfish and saw that."

Kagami thought he heard a sound from Aomine, like a hiccup or a suppressed sob. _Is he crying?_ Shocked, mouth dropping open, he took a step back from the wall, unable to bear it.

"I know, I-I know…" Aomine stammered thickly, "You...you're right, you're a-a hundred percent right. You can...t-tell him what you want."

Kuroko's voice contained no sympathy, no bitterness; nothing at all, "That will not be necessary."

"Why?" Aomine choked out.

"I think you understand what you should do. What is best for Kagami-kun. Besides…." his tone changed the barest bit as he went on, and Kagami's heart leapt into his throat, "He has heard this entire conversation."

With that, Kuroko walked away, and passed right by Kagami, pausing mid-step and glancing at him with unreadable eyes, "I don't believe I'll be joining you for dinner after all," he said politely, "Thank you for the game earlier, and your hospitality, but I sense I'm no longer welcome." He tilted his head in the direction of the hall, where he'd left Aomine, and without another word, he turned and headed for the door.

Kagami wished he could direct his anger at Kuroko. He wished he could blame him for the shaking, shell-shocked and even _tearful_ mess he found slumped against the wall when he worked up the nerve to enter that hallway and face Aomine, but...a lot of what he'd said - while harsh, harmful, and unfair - was true. Aomine was in too deep, he needed help, and he was damaging Kagami even as he damaged himself. It was probably an unbearably difficult pill to swallow, but it was reality. A reality Kagami had been unwilling to bring crashing down on him, especially not in such a manner. And Kuroko was right about that too; that he loved Aomine too much to raise a hand against him, in a manner of speaking, even for his own good.

Aomine said almost nothing the entire rest of the night. He ate in silence, forcing down bites that seemed torturous to swallow, no doubt because he knew Kagami would want him to have something in his stomach; he took a shower at his prompting, alone, and then joined him in bed. He wouldn't talk about Kuroko's confrontation with him, no matter how many times Kagami tried to broach the subject, no matter how many times he tried to soothe him with empty promises that it was okay, that he wasn't going to turn away from him, and that everything would work out in the end. Two of the three were probably bald lies.

He dully returned Kagami's eventual murmur of "goodnight", when all attempts at starting a dialogue with him seemed futile, and then just rolled over, giving Kagami his back. While that was about normal, right now it seemed a lot less like a gesture of trust, and a lot more like a cold shoulder.

.

.

Kagami awoke to Aomine's scent - sweat, masculinity, and a hint of the body scrub he used - so at first, he wasn't worried, and just let himself relax in half-sleep a while longer, not quite ready to face the waking world yet. But gradually, he registered the lack of warmth; the lack of the solid, steady form that should be curled up against him, and his eyes flew open. He was alone in his bed, lying in the indentation that was usually Aomine's spot, his face resting against Aomine's pillow. Sitting bolt upright, he looked around the room, as if it would reveal some sign of him, and then got quickly and unsteadily to his feet, almost tripping over them.

"Aomine?" he called, raising his voice so that it would hopefully carry throughout the house. When he received no reply, he broke into a run, trying to smother the panic that wanted to consume him, clawing up from his stomach. He checked each room at least twice, his repeated calls sharpening with more urgency the longer they went unanswered.

"Aomine, answer me!" he shouted, but in the back of his mind he knew he was just kidding himself...just wasting his time. Only ringing, ominous silence greeted his desperate pleas for a response. Aomine was gone, and he had no idea where to even start looking for him.

He returned to the bedroom, taking deep, measured breaths to try to keep from melting down, and fumbled frantically for his phone on the bedside table, almost dropping it; his hands were trembling so badly. Flipping it open, he found a single, short text message from Aomine Daiki, sent to him at 11:32 at night:

_ >>I love you, Kagami._

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Present day…_

Aomine had been found on a bus stop, almost forty-eight hours before Kagami had been contacted. He'd already been unconscious long before then, and the bus patron who'd found him had immediately brought him to the hospital. A nurse searching his pockets had turned up only his wallet, his cell phone, and an empty syringe that, upon further examination, had been found to contain traces of diacetylmorphine. He'd been on life support since then, for almost two days, and finally the receptionist had taken it upon herself to charge the battery of the phone they'd discovered and call Kagami to let him know an Aomine Daiki - relationship to him unknown - had been checked in anonymously to San-Ikukai General Hospital for a heroin overdose.

Kagami didn't know what Aomine had been thinking the night he disappeared, nor could he have even begun to guess where he had been trying to go. For two days he'd heard nothing about his whereabouts, and he'd agonized over the brief, confusing text he'd been left with, trying over and over to call his boyfriend - all morning, all night, and whenever he had a spare moment at work - but he never picked up. Forty-six unanswered calls in total. Trying to get to sleep alone; knowing Aomine was out there somewhere, he had no idea where, almost certainly out of his mind with misery, had been impossible. Kagami hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, and hadn't been able to properly function, since he'd gone missing.

He'd repeatedly called Kuroko, Momoi, and even Akashi as a last resort, but none of them had had any idea where Aomine could be either. He'd spent hours just sitting and staring at his phone on the table, willing it to ring. Willing Aomine to answer if it did. When it had started vibrating on the second day since his boyfriend's disappearance, he'd picked up before even checking the caller I.D., and when he'd realized it was the hospital calling him, everything had seemed to stop, like the whole world had just grinded to a halt on its axis. Because even before he'd run out the door without stopping to throw on a jacket and rushed to the address he'd been given, heart hammering like he was being pursued by the dogs of hell; even before he'd been guided by a chattering nurse whom he dwarfed with his height through the doors of the spotless ward and saw Aomine's still, lifeless form surrounded by wires and tubes and beeping things with his own eyes...some part of him had already known.

So here he was.

 _Well, at least if my heart gives out, I'm already in a hospital…_ he thought ruefully, sinking into the straight-backed chair that had been dragged out for him by the nurse, unable to take his eyes off of Aomine's gaunt, reposed face; over the last two days, part of him had wondered if he would never see him again, and the rest of him had feared he would see something like this when he did. He almost didn't know which would have been worse, at the moment; it was a small comfort knowing he was at least alive...he had no idea how long he would remain that way.

The nurse was speaking to him again, and it took several minutes for her words to stop sounding like garbled white noise and actually register as attempts to communicate.

"Mr. Kagami? Can you hear me?"

Shaking himself out of his thoughts and tearing his eyes away from the patient on the bed, he glanced at her, feeling air rush into his lungs as he did, as if he'd been suffocating since he'd laid eyes on Aomine. He tried to speak, but his voice failed him, his tongue feeling too thick and heavy to produce coherent speech, so he just nodded shakily, trying to keep his breathing steady.

"He's been receiving Narcan through his intravenous line over the last thirty-six hours or so; it should be reversing the effects of the drug, but we don't know when he'll regain consciousness."

"H-he will, though?" Kagami stammered, and even he could hear how desperate his own voice sounded.

The nurse adjusted her glasses, hesitating, "He should. Heroin in excess is a fast killer, so if his heart hasn't stopped so far, I don't think it's going to just yet."

Kagami wrapped his arms around himself, distantly glad he was sitting because he doubted he could have remained standing with the way his legs were shaking. He dropped his gaze to the linoleum tiles under his feet, vision blurring in and out of focus as tears kept gathering before he blinked them away. _Aomine...why would you do this? You've never slipped up before, what were you thinking?_

Slowly, and with great effort, as if he had to pull the thought out of solidifying concrete, it occurred to him that it might not have been a slip-up. It might have been deliberate. _Heroin in excess is a fast killer…_ Was it possible Aomine had been...trying to die? That it hadn't been an accidental overdose, but an attempted suicide?

 _No. He wouldn't do that; he's not that cowardly…_ The niggling thought wouldn't quite leave, no matter how he assured himself it was impossible, and he drew his knees up to his chest on the chair he was sitting in, hiding his face against them, a purple afterimage of the bright fluorescent lights above lingering behind his closed eyelids. His throat felt tight, his eyes stinging mercilessly, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he broke down and started crying. He didn't want to do it here, under the scrutiny of the nurse he didn't know, but he realized he might not get a choice in the matter.

"It's always hard for the loved ones of addicts to cope with things like this; whatever shock or grief you're feeling is completely normal…" the nurse commented, a little awkwardly, breaking the relative silence. If she was trying to cheer Kagami up, she was failing miserably. "You both seem a little young to be dealing with something like this on your own; should I try to get ahold your parents?"

"No!" Kagami said frantically, head snapping up. She must have assumed he and Aomine were brothers, or something to that extent, if she thought they both had the same parents, but that wasn't why he responded so vehemently to the suggestion, "Please don't. They...it's complicated."

"I see…" the nurse replied, in a tone that told Kagami no, no she didn't see, but he wasn't about to explain further. Absently, he wondered if Aomine's parents would even care that their son was in the hospital, that he'd nearly died...they had just about disowned him when they were told of his relationship with Kagami, but surely family still mattered more than their bigoted opinions of him? More than their disapproval of his choice of who he loved and wanted to be with? He didn't even know how his own dad would react, if he found out about the mess Kagami was in...better that he didn't know.

"You're welcome to stay, in case he wakes up," the nurse went on, changing the subject "But at this point, it's really just a waiting game...there's not much else we can do. It'll probably be a long time, and it'll be boring...you can check back in tomorrow morning if you'd prefer."

"I'll stay," Kagami muttered, resting his folded arms on his knees and returning his attention to Aomine's unconscious face, as it seemed the woman was trying to take her leave, "As long as it takes; I'll sleep here if I have to."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged, and turned on her heel, leaving the room without another word.

Kagami didn't know if he felt better or worse with her gone; it was difficult to discern how he was feeling at all. Mostly just numb, like someone had reached in and pulled out his nervous system by the roots. Yet he was still able to feel phantom pain; distant, as if not connected to him, the hurt he knew he should be feeling. He should have been in agony over this, but no; he'd agonized for hours and hours, and now there was just...nothing remaining. He was emotionally exhausted, from stressing and panicking without rest, and he suspected experiencing one shocker right after another for two days straight was starting to give him whiplash. For a moment he was glad for the peace and quiet, so he could actually hear himself think; but gradually, he started to hate the silence, broken only by the beeping of the heart monitor and the muffled rush of air as it was guided in and out of Aomine's lungs, when he realized he had absolutely nothing pleasant to think about.

Shifting, he scooted his chair forward, the legs scraping against the floor, until he was right beside the bed in which Aomine lay, and he leaned his elbows against it, resting his chin in his hands and letting his eyes drift over his boyfriend's face. He looked peaceful, relaxed; he could have been sleeping, but for the clear, slender tubes beneath his nose, hooking around his ears. His skin, usually strikingly dark, was pale, almost grey, the very definition of ashen; his navy hair and eyebrows contrasting starkly. He had kind of always had a generally unwell aura about him, since he'd started shooting up three years ago, and it had only gotten worse with time, but now...he looked so frail and colorless. Like a corpse.

That did it, and before Kagami could hold it back, the dam broke open, tears falling down his cheeks uncontrollably, his breath leaving him in a wrenching sob, shoulders trembling, as he clenched his hands in the pristine white sheets.

"God, Aomine, I-I'm sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry…" He didn't know what he was apologizing for; maybe for not stopping him from leaving two days ago, when he knew he was upset and unstable; maybe for bringing him right back into this hell, dragging it out, unable to bear watching the shorter, harsher suffering of withdrawal when he tried to quit on his own; or for pushing him into the Zone three years ago, triggering his subsequent fall, for defeating him and starting this whole mess.

The tears kept coming in waves; he didn't even think to wipe them away, crying himself out amid shaky, painful sobs, until it seemed he had no more left to shed, and his throat and ribs were aching. He sniffled to try to get ahold of himself, wiping his nose and his puffy, wet eyes on the sheets, and then rested his cheek against the bed, because it felt cool and seemed to soothe his throbbing temples a little. Reaching over, he cautiously laced his fingers with Aomine's; his hand was warm and smooth as always, but clammy, and disturbingly limp. Disregarding this, Kagami brought it close to his face and lightly kissed his knuckles, his eyelids drooping closed as exhaustion caught up with him, gradually pressing over him like a steamroller.

He didn't move from there - slumped against the bed, hand intertwined with his comatose lover's - for the rest of the night.

.

.

When he awoke groggily, his back ached something awful, and he couldn't remember where he was at first. Sitting up slowly and stretching to try to ease his stiffness, he nearly fell out of his chair as his eyes flitted open, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, the wires and machinery, and the haunting, unconscious form of Aomine in the bed he'd just been lying against. Then, everything came rushing back, and he sighed deeply, hanging his head low, almost between his knees.

He drifted in and out of sleep after that, just watching Aomine's face, refusing to look away for even a moment, as daylight started to brighten the room, fatigue pulling him under for short periods of time before he jolted awake again. His determined vigil seemed to be in vain; Aomine showed no visible change from the state he'd been in yesterday, and absolutely no sign that he might wake up soon, but still Kagami didn't waver, remaining by his side and trying stalwartly to keep himself awake, so he wouldn't miss any shift in the status quo, however small.

He found himself whispering to him, in those slim hours just after dawn, clasping his lifeless hand between his own and speaking in an undertone, as if his voice would bring out some response if it reached his lover's deaf ears. It may have been a futile effort, but he felt like he would start crying again if he didn't anchor himself somehow, and the one-sided conversation helped somewhat.

"You're going to be fine...you'll pull through this, I know you will. …Shit, it's only been a couple of days, but I miss you, Aho…I miss you so fucking bad… So make sure and come back to me soon, okay?"

He could just as well have spoken to the table beside Aomine's bed, for all the response he was getting, but that didn't deter him from trying, "You've always been a slow riser, dumbass, but this waiting is killing me, you know….I need you here. I need to see you open your eyes again….please just open your eyes and look at me, I love you s-so much…"

And that was when he would get dangerously close to losing it and breaking down, so he would stop talking and sit back to take deep, slow breaths, trying to keep his head on straight. The cycle repeated for several hours, and eventually it was broken by the doors to the room creaking open as the nurse from the day before bustled in, clipboard in hand.

"Ah, you're still here after all," she greeted Kagami, giving him a small smile, "Doesn't seem like there's been much change, unfortunately; I'm just going to check his vitals and such, and then I'll get out of your hair."

Kagami nodded listlessly to show he understood, and pushed his chair back to give her room, reluctantly letting go of Aomine's hand. The nurse seemed to notice, and as she hovered around Aomine squinting at monitors and scribbling with her pen, she shot fleeting looks over her shoulder at Kagami now and then, as if trying to decode him.

"You care about this man a great deal, don't you?" she asked as she stepped away, moving her glasses up further on her nose.

Kagami nodded again, holding his tongue because he didn't know what would decide to come out of his mouth if he opened it.

The nurse was quiet a moment, and seemed to figure out that Kagami didn't feel much like chatting.

"...He's lucky he's got someone like you watching out for him," she added, trying again to give a comforting smile.

Kagami bit back a retort he hadn't expected to leap onto his tongue; something along the lines of how would _she_ like to be "lucky" like Aomine for awhile...which of course was completely inappropriate to say out loud.

Her words had actually hit a nerve, though, because of the reminder that he _hadn't_ been "watching out" for Aomine...not as well as he should have been, and right under his nose, this had happened. When he'd watched his lover succumb once again to the influence of his "girl", after the torture withdrawal had unleashed on his body, he'd made a promise to himself that he wouldn't ever let him suffer like that again, and that while he was allowing him to continue playing with a very dangerous fire, he would protect him at all costs and make sure it didn't burn him too badly. In one fell swoop, in a single night, he'd broken both parts of his promise. He'd failed Aomine, and - for now, at least, while it was still raw - he didn't think he could forgive himself.

The nurse left as unceremoniously as she'd come, heels clacking against the floor, apparently seeing that he didn't intend to reply, and he was once again alone with Aomine...so close beside him and yet so far away. He moved nearer to him again, standing up so he could lean down and brush his lips against his brow, gently moving his hair away from his face. Then, he lightly, lovingly, framed his still face with his hands, just below the thin lines of tubing, and touched their foreheads together.

"Forgive me, Aho..." he whispered, eyes flitting closed. He didn't move for a long moment, his shallow inhalations synching with the artificial ones being breathed into Aomine's lungs, his own heartbeat much louder and faster in his ears than the faint, impossibly slow pulse he could barely feel against his fingers. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes squeezing shut tighter as his breaths grew tremulous, and a single tear dropped onto Aomine's nose, followed by another. Withdrawing and wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, he numbly sat down in the uncomfortable chair once again, moving his hand to link his fingers with Aomine's on the bed.

After sitting that way for some time, just gazing at his insensate boyfriend, he gradually started to nod off again, leaning an arm against the bed and laying his cheek on it as the room fuzzed in and out of blackness. He half-dreamed; more than once he peeled his eyes open wide in shock, sure he'd seen Aomine's eyes blink, looking at him sometimes with compassion, sometimes with accusation, and sometimes with plain dismayed sorrow in their fathomless indigo depths….only to realize almost immediately that it had been an illusion, and those eyes remained ever closed. So he studied them, in the time he was awake, memorizing the lazy, gentle curve of their lids and the sweep of dark blue lashes that appeared black against his skin. His heart ached, and that was a pain that stayed with him even after he drifted off.

In one of these states of half-sleep, he was sure he'd felt one of Aomine's fingers tick against his palm, and while it certainly jolted him from sleep, seconds later he assured himself sternly it had just been another hallucination...but then, even as he lay there awake, watching Aomine's unresponsive as ever face, he felt it again. Just a tiny twitch, the most imperceptible of reflexes, but it hit him like a punch, and he took that hand reverently between his own, squeezing gently to try to coax another movement from it.

"Aomine…?" he breathed, staring with bated breath, silently pleading, making deals with whatever God would listen, to not be dreaming. Aomine's index finger flinched slightly again, and then, very slowly, his whole hand moved, wrapping around Kagami's with the barest amount of pressure, and Kagami swore he saw his eyelid shift, lips parting just slightly before pressing closed again as Aomine swallowed. Kagami followed every motion, hardly daring to believe it, and he could feel his eyes filling with tears again, which he impatiently blinked away.

But Aomine returned to stillness after that, and he didn't move again for a tormentingly long time. It might have been Kagami's imagination, but he thought he might have seen a little bit of color returning to his face; not enough to be called healthy by any stretch, especially considering it was Aomine, but enough to be called _living_ , and that was enough to keep him from falling back asleep; perched on the edge of his seat, watching desperately for another sign that his lover was coming to.

Breathlessly, Kagami tried again, "Aomine, can you hear me?" He squeezed his hand tighter between his own, swallowing painfully, "I'm here...I'm right here… If you can hear me, please…" He trailed off, because, for a moment, he was sure he'd felt Aomine's fingers curling around his own again, just slightly, so subtly he shouldn't have been able to notice, but he was hard-wired to every little sign he could glean from him. He didn't know if Aomine had responded to his voice, but it was a possibility, so he tried to keep speaking, to see if he could get him to do it again, though his voice grew shakier and more unsteady the longer he tried, the words tumbling over each other until he didn't even know what he was saying anymore.

"I'm right beside you...I've always been right by your side, I'm not going to leave it. And you just wait, Aomine, you….you just wait. You're going to get better, and...then we're going to go home, and we're going to work on getting you clean so this never happens again...a-and then we...we can play basketball and kiss and sleep together every day, and m-maybe one day we can get married and move into a big house together and we...we'll both go to college and get signed to the NBA like we said we would back in school...a-and you'll get to have a future, and I'll be r-right by your side through every step of it." He broke off, realizing he was rambling, but even so, his eyes were burning and felt dangerously wet as he edged toward tears again, "But the first step is...o-opening your eyes…. Please, Aomine...just open your eyes, just look at me…"

Aomine shifted, his head tilting back slightly, like a very low-ki, stiff stretch, and his lips were moving again, just meeting and parting very slightly without sound, as if he was trying to speak but Kagami had suddenly gone deaf to whatever he was trying to say. His eyes flitted to the heart monitor, and while he was certainly no doctor, he thought he might have seen a difference in the jagged, wavering peaks and dips keeping track of Aomine's pulse and breathing.

"Ka…" His attention snapped back to Aomine, as the single soft, almost inaudible syllable reached him, distorted and feeble, but it had definitely fallen from Aomine's lips, "Kaga…"

Kagami could hear his own pulse drumming in his ears, deafeningly loud, and he leaned closer, mouth going dry as it became clear to him that Aomine was trying to articulate his name. An almost excruciating wave of love and gratitude took hold of him, and he actually shuddered with it, eyes trained unwaveringly on Aomine's face.

It was more of a loosening of his eyelids, but he caught a glimpse of brighter blue, as Aomine's eyes opened a crack, shifting and rolling back slightly before they closed again.

"Aomine….baby…" he almost bit his own tongue off in mortification, heat rising to his face; he'd never called Aomine that before, never dared to take a leaf out of his book and try a pet name on him for size, but the pleading, protective word had slipped out...and he was rewarded with Aomine's eyes slitting open again, drifting, unfocused and probably unseeing at the moment, but he inched closer to him just the same, some part of him wanting to be the first thing he laid eyes on when he opened them fully.

It took some time, and Kagami's patience that had already been frayed continued to stretch to the breaking point; sometimes he wanted to collapse against the foot of the bed in exhaustion and give it up for the day, other times he wanted to shout some of Aomine's favorite obscenities and throw something across the room, beyond frustrated that he was getting nowhere, despite his best efforts.

He'd pressed his face tiredly against the bed, close enough to feel the warmth Aomine exuded; not quite as intense as it normally was, but still present, taking a break from attempting to pull Aomine back into the world of the living... absently counting back in his head, trying to remember the last time he'd eaten something. Desires like hunger and thirst had long since abandoned him, it seemed. When he looked back up, he felt a thrill of shock run down his spine, because Aomine's half-lidded, achingly familiar dark eyes were fixed directly on him, and he could have sworn there was a vague hint of recognition in them, as if he knew he was looking at someone - maybe not _who_ he was looking at; his slightly furrowed eyebrows looked confused and a little concerned - but he seemed a lot more awake than he'd been a moment ago.

"Aomine?" Kagami asked again, in the same wavering, desperately hoping tone he'd used over the past hour or so, his voice cracking in the middle of the word.

Aomine blinked slowly, the awareness in his gaze sharpening as his eyes focused, and his hand gradually lifted from the cot, resting unsteadily on Kagami's head and sifting through his hair.

"K-Kagami…" there was a note of surprise in his gravelly voice that Kagami hadn't expected, but though it was weak, shaky, and almost inaudible, at that moment it was the most wonderful sound he had ever heard.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Kagami had a thousand questions, all clamoring to mind at once as he gazed like one starved into Aomine's beautiful eyes, but he didn't think now was the right time to ask them. Aomine seemed disoriented, delirious, and absolutely exhausted; what little energy he retained seemed like it was being channeled solely into holding Kagami's gaze, and even then it wavered frequently, and Aomine's eyelids seemed to keep trying to close, sinking down heavily before he forced them open again. Kagami didn't know how long he could keep himself awake, but he assumed it would only be a matter of time before they just stayed shut, and then he would be left waiting on the edge of his seat again for him to regain consciousness.

Slowly, he reached up and traced Aomine's cheek, a half-smile finding his face when he leaned into the touch, "I love you," he murmured softly.

He saw a blip, a change in rhythm, register on the monitor beside the bed, and his smile persisted to see proof that the words had made Aomine's heart skip, "D-dumbass," Aomine mumbled, voice still dry and thin, wobbling slightly, and he added after some hesitation, "...You too."

Kagami leaned up, bracing his free hand against the bed, and dipped his head down. Aomine's eyes closed, and Kagami's followed suit as he held his breath; his lips were an inch from his lover's when the sound of the doors squeaking open incited him to break away, interrupting the kiss before it could really happen. Aomine's eyes flitted back open in confusion, and shifted from Kagami to the nurse shuffling into the room, tired, abstract wariness crossing his face briefly.

The nurse blinked, looking from one man to the other, but whatever she thought of how close they were to each other, and Aomine's hand still resting in Kagami's hair, she didn't comment about it.

"Seems you're finally awake," she said instead, turning her attention to Aomine with an expression Kagami couldn't read, "That's good, I understand you gave Mr. Kagami quite the scare."

Aomine's eyebrows drew together slightly, and Kagami could almost hear the gears turning in his scrambled and exhausted mind, trying to put the pieces of what had happened to him together. He wondered if he hadn't even realized that he was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an I.V and everything, until now. After a few seconds, he glanced at Kagami with a dazed, unspoken question, not replying to the nurse's comments.

"You've been out cold for almost three days," Kagami explained, enunciating each word to be sure Aomine understood him in his slow, bleary state, "I was called by the hospital yesterday afternoon, and I've been here ever since, waiting for you to wake up."

Again, a myriad of questions sprang to the tip of his tongue, as he thought of the huge and numerous holes in the explanation he'd gotten of what had happened; holes only Aomine could fill…but he swallowed them down, not wanting to confuse him further. He probably couldn't remember much about the night he disappeared anyway, at least not right now.

"Wh-why did…?" Aomine began weakly, but then he stopped, and Kagami almost saw something click into place in his head, and his unsteady gaze lowered, "...Oh."

Kagami sighed. He wanted to tear his hair out in frustration at that response that only deepened his confusion; Aomine seemed to understand now what he'd done to himself, but that didn't get Kagami any closer to figuring out if it had been an accident or not. It could easily have gone either way. And he still had no idea why Aomine had left that night in the first place, or why he'd been collapsed on a bus stop halfway across Tokyo when he'd been found.

"Anyway," the nurse who'd approached the side of the bed cut in uncertainly, "I'm just going to take your numbers again, to see how you're doing. You seem much better than this morning…"

"When...c-can I leave?" Aomine mumbled, shifting as if trying to sit up, but he didn't get far, and just slumped back again.

"Not until all your vitals are stable and you're well enough to handle your first dose of methadone. We want to make sure you're on the road to recovery before we send you away."

"Methadone...?" Aomine asked blankly, following her with his eyes as she flitted about, scrawling things on her clipboard rapidly.

She glanced at him, glasses flashing, "Synthetic opioid, basically a high-strength pain reliever; it should help with the withdrawal symptoms while you detoxify."

"Withdrawal?" Kagami saw the flash of dizzy fear in Aomine's eyes as they widened slightly, and where his body had been limp and unresponsive before, now it was tense, the spikes on the heart monitor coming faster as his pulse sped up.

"Yes," the nurse said matter-of-factly, "You've been putting your life at risk, and recently you had a very close call; we don't want this to happen again, do we?"

"It'll be okay, Aomine," Kagami soothed, brushing his thumb along his boyfriend's knuckles, "You're going to be okay."

"I can't -" Aomine began hoarsely, breaking off and falling silent with a ragged sigh, closing his eyes, while the nurse finished what she was doing and bustled away without another word, leaving the two of them alone once again.

"You can," Kagami murmured, squeezing his hand, "You're strong enough to beat this...and this time we'll have help."

He knew this was one mess that wouldn't be solved just by him believing that it would, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to hope for the best, and he'd seen the strength of Aomine's determination, once it was piqued. He didn't think he would fail, as long as they didn't repeat the same mistakes that had set him back before. He did acknowledge that Aomine might never return to full health, even when he was in the clear, and all the wonderful things he'd promised the day before might never come to pass, but his recovery alone was enough of a goal, so he focused on that.

.

.

Over the course of the day, Aomine drifted in and out of consciousness, and Kagami was dragged away from him only by the protesting of his own stomach, angrily demanding he provide it with sustenance after days of running on empty. He texted Kuroko before going to sate his hunger, letting him know his whereabouts and a brief overview of what had happened to Aomine, and after a moment's hesitation did the same for Momoi. Then, he took the opportunity to stretch his legs, swinging by the closest Maji to eat his fill, and after he'd gulped down as many burgers as he could hold, he fell into the automatic habit of loitering beside the establishment, bringing a smoldering cigarette to his lips and releasing the smoke into the crisp evening air. Absently, in the lull of the subsequent relaxation, he studied the object between his fingers, dropping flecks of ash on the pavement, and a tentative idea formed in his mind.

When he returned to the hospital, Aomine had come back to awareness again, and was gazing out the window from his bed, looking very bored and a little irritated, which was actually a relief. If he was able to feel boredom, it meant there were things he would rather be doing; things he felt up to doing. An energetic spirit like him wasn't used to being confined, much less forced to lie still for so long; by his own body no less, something that had rarely failed him….although it tended to more frequently as of late.

Kagami set his offering - a Maji vanilla milkshake - on the table beside the bed. He wasn't sure if Aomine was allowed to eat or drink anything, but he couldn't think why not, if he felt like he could keep it down.

"You took your time," Aomine muttered, turning his gaze to him.

Kagami didn't reply, just tossing something from the plastic bag he held onto the bed beside him. Aomine blinked, and craned his neck down to try to see the little box.

"What's this?" he asked, running his fingers over it as if there were braille on the sides that would tell him what it contained.

Kagami sat down on the edge of the bed, and, leaning closer so his boyfriend could see, he rolled up his sleeve and bared his upper arm, "I'm going to start using the patch," he explained, "I threw out my lighter and all the packs in my car on the way here, and stopped by a convenience store to get these." He picked up the box from the bed and opened it, extracting one of the clear nicotine squares and peeling away the plastic. Taking Aomine's hand in his, he placed the patch face-up in his palm, and brought it close to his arm, "Here...this way it's you who's stopping it. We'll do it together...you help me quit, and I'll help you."

Aomine looked at him for a long moment, and Kagami noticed his gaze seemed steadier than it had been earlier, roiling with a thousand emotions, gratitude and relief seeming to win out after a while. A small smirk snuck onto his face, and he smoothed the patch - like a band-aid to fix the damage that had been dealt over months and years - onto Kagami's skin, just below his shoulder, his touch lingering like a pleasant aroma. Kagami took the hand in his own again and leaned down to kiss it, before releasing it and pulling his sleeve back down. He knew that, however long he'd had to get accustomed and become numb to it, Aomine still disapproved and was troubled by Kagami smoking, just as Kagami disapproved and was troubled by his continued flirtation with his "girl"... and if Aomine was going to be commanded and coerced to stop his dangerous bad habits, he supposed he could follow suit, as a show of support, if nothing else.

There was a minute or two of companionable silence, and then Aomine looked over at the vanilla milkshake that had been placed next to him, something like regretful distress in the furrow that appeared between his slender eyebrows. For a moment, Kagami couldn't figure out where that response had come from, but then it hit him, and he wondered how he could have missed it. Aomine only proved him right with what he asked.

"Does Tetsu know what happened? Does...he know where I am?"

"Yeah. I texted him and Momoi while you were still out of it….they were both worried about you, and said they'll be visiting soon." He hesitated, messing with the corner of the sheet under him, and gathered his resolve; he had to know, "What exactly...happened that night? Do you remember? You vanished, and the nurse said someone found you on a bus stop…"

Aomine sighed deeply, averting his gaze from Kagami, "Yeah, I remember… It's...I mean, you aren't going to like it."

"You think I like being in the dark about it any better?" Kagami replied without heat, "Tell me...please. What was going through your head then?"

Seeming very reluctant, Aomine swallowed, closing his eyes resignedly, "Fine. But only because it's you asking, and you'd better keep it the hell to yourself."

"Okay," Kagami agreed, looking at him expectantly.

For several seconds, Aomine remained silent, eyes still closed, and just when Kagami started to think he'd fallen back unconscious, he spoke, slowly and quietly, "I felt...God, I can't even tell you how shitty I felt. What Tetsu said to me...I couldn't get it out of my head, I couldn't stop thinking that he was right, about all of it."

"So you -" Kagami began, only to be cut off as Aomine's eyes snapped open.

"If you interrupt, I'll stop talking." Kagami nodded hurriedly and pantomimed zipping his lips, and after taking a deep breath, Aomine went on, "He'd given up on me. I know you heard everything, but...try to understand. This was Tetsu, who didn't stop practicing even when he was on his hands and knees puking blood, who didn't quit in a game even when the odds were against him a hundred to one…. And he fucking looked me straight in the eye and called me a lost cause; said I'd lost every last bit of his respect. The look of disgust in his eyes, I just…" he trailed off momentarily, reaching up and rubbing his temples with one hand, before setting it down carefully so he didn't pull on the tubing leading from it.

"I felt like utter crap...lower than I think I've ever felt, even coming down from the Zone way back when. I wanted to hit you or shout at you or something when you kept touching me and saying it was okay, because it was fucking _not_ okay, and I couldn't stand that you were still treating me like…" he grit his teeth, "...Like I was even worth jack shit. There you were being so amazing and understanding...and I hated it. I hated every fucking minute because I felt so wrong and g- _guilty_ taking it." He sighed again, and Kagami thought he heard him whisper something that sounded like "all I do is take", but he couldn't have been sure. He was surprised Aomine was admitting as much as he was, diligently picking through his feelings on the matter when typically he rarely even touched his emotions with a meter stick when he spoke.

"I couldn't stand it, and I felt like I was going to explode, so I left. Tetsu said he thought I knew what I should do that would be best for you, but all that came to mind was to get the hell out of your life so I could stop screwing it up."

Forgetting his promise not to interrupt, Kagami protested, "You haven't screwed up my life,"

Aomine gave him a withering glare, "Really, Bakagami? You want to go there? Remember all the _plans_ you had, when you got out of high school? You were going to go to a university on a scholarship and work your way up to the NBA, or if that didn't work out, you were going to work for the fire department. And where exactly are you now? Waiting tables at some sushi joint, college applications and basketball shoes gathering dust in your closet while you struggle on your own to hold up an apartment and pay the bills with your lazy-ass, unemployed _addict_ boyfriend dragging you down. Almost two years after graduation and you're heading fucking nowhere fast - "

Aomine's voice broke, strained from such harsh usage after the neglect it had taken, and he fell silent, glaring daggers at Kagami as if daring him to refute any of this onslaught. He couldn't….not because he thought it was all entirely true, at least not as he saw it, but because he was shocked, and couldn't speak for a moment, taking in everything Aomine had said. That was the first time, he was fairly certain, that he'd used the word addict to describe himself, the first time he'd faced facts, even if it was in a crude, unfairly phrased way.

After a moment, he untied his tongue enough to answer, "It could still happen. I'm not sure they'd let me into the NBA since I've slacked off training so much and kind of wrecked my lungs, but I think I could still play basketball professionally if I tried hard enough. That's besides the point, though. I don't care if I never stand on a real court again, I don't care if I never get accepted by a college, I don't care if I end up stuck in our two-bedroom apartment, waiting tables for the rest of my goddamn life….as long as you're still in it. My life couldn't possibly be screwed up as long as it's got you in it."

Aomine looked at him, agape, for several seconds, and then shut his mouth and snorted, "Touching. But I don't want to be the deadweight that ruins all your hard-earned potential. You have a future, and whatever you might say, it still seems a lot brighter if I'm not in your way."

He paused, and then seemed ready to resume his story, voice a little more ragged now, "...It seemed that way then; I realized I was just holding you back, and I couldn't bear it. So I took off. I didn't really know where I planned to go, so I just kept walking 'til I came to a bus terminal. Thought I'd figure it out if I looked at an actual map, but once I sat down and tried to think, all my mind kept...circling back to was you. And it hurt….it really fucking hurt," he rubbed a hand against his chest absently, as if able to recall that past pain, and didn't say anything for a few moments.

He bit his lip, looking up at the ceiling; seeming to hesitate before continuing, "I knew it was too soon. I knew it hadn't been enough time yet, and my system was still full of smack, but for a minute there I didn't really care. I just...couldn't take that hurt, I felt like I was going to come apart, so I got out the rig I'd brought with me and loaded up, trying to make it stop. I realized in about a second that I'd messed up, big time, but of course I couldn't take it back, and….I thought if I was about to bite the big one ahead of schedule, if I was never going to see you again, I should at least...tell you what I meant to a long time ago."

Kagami lowered his gaze, feeling his throat close up and his eyes sting, but refusing to cry yet _again_ over this whole mess. So...he was half right and half wrong, whichever way he went. Aomine had known what he was doing and went ahead anyway, but he hadn't been trying to kill himself, and had realized his mistake a little too late. He was just out of his mind with pain, trying to find relief, and only after he'd put more of the killer drug in his body than it could handle did it hit him that his life was probably going to end up being the price for his respite.

Aomine's eyes closed again, and after a long stretch of silence, he pressed on, "I was scared," Kagami tilted his head, surprised; he didn't have to say that...he could have just let Kagami infer… He found himself grudgingly impressed, despite himself, that the bluenette had the guts and maturity to admit it. _Desperate times, maybe...he did almost die._ "But there wasn't a whole lot I could do, so I just sat and waited, wondering if it would be fast, if it would hurt, if there was a God; all the shit people think about when they know they're about to kick the bucket. I kind of wished I could see you one last time, so I could say to your face what I'd only managed to send you via text...and so I could say I was sorry. It was weird, it was kind of like I was underwater, but not like the Zone where everything gets clearer the further down you sink...everything was just getting darker and blurrier, the street lights were dimmer, I couldn't even see the stars, and I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my lungs just didn't work. Then, everything just cut out. Next thing I knew I was looking at your face…I couldn't believe it. I was surrounded by white and staring into your eyes, for a minute I thought I'd cheated the system and gone to heaven -" he cut himself off quickly, looking mortified as if realizing he'd said way too much, and Kagami saw spots of color on his cheeks as he jerkily looked away. His heart melted, and he resisted the temptation to tease, knowing it would probably earn him the silent treatment, and that was the last thing he wanted when he'd finally been reunited with his lover after two days without him, not knowing if he was alive or dead.

"...The first thing Kuroko said when I told him you'd gone missing was that he was sorry," he said after a moment, seeking out Aomine's gaze, "Said it hadn't been his place to interfere and if anything happened to you it would be his fault."

"Tetsu said that?" Aomine blinked, looking over at him.

Kagami nodded, "I know it doesn't excuse what he said to you, but when I let him know you were in the hospital he seemed like he wanted to make up for what he did….he wants to make it up to you somehow."

"There's nothing to make up for," Aomine sighed, shifting uncomfortably against the pillows behind his head, "He was right, I was wrong. End of story."

"He attacked you and made you feel like a worthless piece of trash," Kagami argued, trying to defend his boyfriend against...himself. _He made you cry,_ he wanted to add, but he didn't think that reminder would go over well with Aomine.

"And he was right," Aomine said bluntly, "What he said was the truth; I'm done making excuses."

"Don't say that," Kagami pleaded, rising to his feet as if the height advantage would help him make his point, "You're worth so much more than that...to me. I love you."

Aomine's eyebrow twitched. He looked uncomfortable; pained, like he was swallowing nails...and unlike earlier, he didn't reciprocate the promise.

"I'm tired," he muttered after a moment, not looking Kagami in the eye, "Everything hurts, and that's only going to get worse. I know you mean well, but you're not helping, Kagami. ...Now do me a fucking favor and leave me alone."

Kagami took a step back, recoiling as if Aomine had swung a punch at him, trying not to let the hurt show on his face. He recognized the dramatic swing in his mood as a telltale sign that the severe, almost fatal high he'd put himself under had long since worn off, and his temper was shortening. Something Kagami had said had triggered the sudden spurt of aggression, that he knew for certain, and, giving ground to the volatile bluenette, he sat down in the chair beside the bed, pushing it back slightly to give Aomine his personal space.

He couldn't feel too wounded. Aomine had divulged a lot more than he'd bargained for, and was still worn out and unstable from the whole ordeal; he understood if his head or throat were starting to hurt from talking so much, and with his last dose of pain-killing heroin long absent from his veins, he was probably just starting to ache in general, and that tended to make him irritable. Besides that, Kagami had some information to stew in, and it would be easier to break down and figure out if he did so on his own, without interruption.

He wondered if it was ever going to get better for them. The best-case scenario right now was Aomine getting himself clean, and never again touching or even going near his "girl"; the two of them living happily together without ever having to deal with _that_ mess again was enough to hope for. Almost too much, actually, because he figured Aomine's years as an addict would definitely leave their mark on him...whether physically or otherwise, and even without taking that into account, things certainly wouldn't be perfect.

Besides that, Aomine had had a point...with both of their indulgences harming their bodies and their lack of maintained practice, they'd both just about thrown their chances as professional athletes out the window...Aomine in particular. Playing at a professional level - or even the level he'd been at during high school - in his current physical state would probably destroy his body...what was left intact to begin with, anyway. He wouldn't last a single season.

Saddened by the thought of Aomine letting the chance to play the sport he loved for a living slip irretrievably through his fingers, and with it the chance to maybe reach his full potential at last, he glanced over at the bed, observing his sleeping boyfriend quietly. He'd already gone through so much pain; he'd more than paid for his past choices, and it seemed like his brush with death at the hands of his "girl" was enough to sway him to try again to give it up. And then he would get a second chance at a future. Maybe not the one he'd had in mind, but...he'd live to see it, at least. That was a start, and more than Kagami had been able to say for certain two days ago.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Aomine was released from the hospital the following afternoon, but he was still unsteady and listless, and all he seemed to want to do was sleep. The nurse who'd been checking in often gave Kagami a notecard with an address and phone number scrawled across it, claiming that was the best clinic to get Aomine started on the path to recovery, and then said he was free to go.

Kuroko had visited earlier that morning, bearing words of sympathy - for Kagami, not so much Aomine - and an apology for letting this happen. He didn't attempt to take any of what he'd said back, but his disgust and hostility towards Aomine seemed to have dulled, and the atmosphere between them was certainly awkward. What did one say to the person they'd emotionally shattered and then indirectly put in the hospital? He'd also mentioned that Akashi had been notified of Aomine's whereabouts, and sent his concern - which Kagami had taken with a grain of salt; Akashi and concern were two ideas that didn't really belong on the same emotional plane, and even if he did send that sentiment on Aomine's behalf, it was most likely not genuine. Just whatever obligation he felt he owed a former teammate and opponent. Apparently, he'd also said that Aomine had better recover from this "setback", or he would have hell to pay when Akashi got ahold of him. The veiled threat did more to get Kagami's attention than anything else, because he'd known Akashi to be exactly as merciless and psychotic as his words and appearance suggested, on occasion.

Aomine, for his part, had said very little overall; he didn't seem to resent or blame Kuroko for what had happened, and actually didn't seem to bear him any ill will at all. He'd just seemed upset with himself, and had barely made eye contact with his old friend over the course of his stay. All he said in response to Kuroko's apology for pushing him so far was a morose "It's fine" - as if their argument hadn't brought about such drastic, devastating consequences - and then he'd looked away, preventing any further conversation.

Kagami had taken the opportunity to explain the new circumstances to his former "shadow", and what had been going on the past few days. He gave him a very abridged version of Aomine's story concerning the night he disappeared; saying only that he'd tried to leave, ended up on a bus stop, and accidentally overdosed because he was hurt over the prospect of parting with Kagami. For some reason, when he was finished, and went on to say that Aomine was going to try again to quit using as soon as he was out of the hospital, a lot of the stiff formality left Kuroko's face, and when he glanced at Aomine out of the corner of his eye, the concern didn't seem as forced.

"Aomine-kun is never going to go back to the way he was," the light bluenette had murmured levelly, but there was a sorrow in his gaze that didn't match up with the impartial words. That had been Kuroko's goal for a long time, after all...to restore Aomine to the carefree, exuberant spirit he'd known in middle school. It was a mission that had seemed to succeed, for the most fleeting spell of time after the Winter Cup, but really...perhaps it had been doomed to fail from the start.

Kagami had grunted an agreement to his comment, but the truth was he'd already resigned himself to that fact long ago. There was no going back to the old Aomine, and even if he did recover, he would never be the same. Part of him would always be damaged; eaten away by the drug that had visited his veins for three years. They had yet to see how large that part of him would end up being.

Kagami could see that Aomine just wanted to rest; didn't even want to eat anything, and as soon as he was in the car ready to leave, he started to fall asleep in his seat. Hesitating indecisively as he started the car and exited the hospital parking garage, Kagami's mind turned to the notecard in his pocket. Would it be better to stop by the clinic he'd been directed to first, before heading home? He didn't know how long that would take, or what it would entail, and Aomine was already exhausted, from just staying awake to see Kuroko earlier. _He should get a good night's sleep in his own bed first…_ he decided, _He probably couldn't hold a coherent conversation with anyone right now. Let him sleep off the trauma and the hospital's painkillers, and we'll go first thing in the morning._

He couldn't explain the unease that stayed with him as he turned at the intersection to take them home, glancing at Aomine slouching, fast asleep, against the window, and he tried to tell himself there wasn't really anything that could happen now that hadn't already happened. Surely the worst was behind them now.

.

.

In the middle of the night, Kagami was awakened by a strangled scream. Flailing in panicked surprise and almost falling out of bed, he managed to regain his balance before he tumbled to the floor, gripping the headboard behind him and trying to catch his breath. He wondered for a moment, as he panted and attempted to slow his racing heart, if he'd imagined the sound, but then his eyes fell on Aomine, who had his hands clenched tightly in the sheets, knuckles showing white in the sparse moonlight filtering through the window. Pressing his face that Kagami managed to glimpse was contorted with agony against the pillow, Aomine grit out a low, muffled moan of pain, and after a moment's uncertainty, Kagami reached out and shook his shoulder to wake him.

"Aomine? Hey, are you okay?" _Stupid question,_ he berated himself, _But I've never...heard him scream like that before._ His heart twisted as he replayed the sound in his mind - he'd sounded like he was being stabbed or something… - and he watched Aomine shift and his eyes squint open, before immediately squeezing shut again.

"Fuck..." he groaned, voice strained and a little slurred with sleep, arms wrapping around his midsection as he curled up in a ball.

Kagami scooted closer to him, hand lowering to awkwardly rub his back - soaked with sweat even through his shirt - but he stopped immediately when Aomine tensed, hissing a breath as if even the gentle touch were painful.

"What hurts?" he asked softly, keeping his voice as soothing as he could manage.

"God, everything hurts…" Aomine muttered against the mattress, taking short, harsh breaths at uneven intervals, "My stomach...ugh...feels like it's being ripped out…"

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He remembered Aomine complaining of severe stomach pain on only one occasion, and it had led to him dashing to the bathroom to throw up as his body battled the symptoms of withdrawal, months ago. It seemed worse now...maybe because it was the second time around, maybe because his body was already weakened from the ordeal that had him hospitalized, or maybe because he'd been using for a longer period of time, and taking away something that had become fundamental to him feeling normal had more drastic consequences.

Aomine grit his teeth, and Kagami saw a fresh wave of sweat break out across his forehead, "Shit, a-anything..." he choked, "Talk to me, sing, I don't care, just keep my mind away from…" he trailed off, but he didn't need to finish his sentence for Kagami to understand.

"Okay, uh…" Kagami began, but his mind had gone blank of any topics he could bring up to take Aomine's mind off the pain and dangerous need assaulting him. After a moment, one of Aomine's eyes - appearing silver in the darkness - opened, and looked at him with a mixture of prompting and discomfort, "Sh-shut up," he stammered self-consciously, though the bluenette hadn't said anything, "I'm thinking."

"Is it really that hard...to just distract me?" Aomine huffed.

 _Distract you?_ Shaking off his floundering attempts to make conversation, Kagami hesitantly leaned down, one hand cupping Aomine's chin, and brought their lips together. Aomine's were dry and chapped, and he started in surprise at the contact, but didn't protest, letting Kagami kiss him; lapping at the corner of his mouth, nibbling gently, changing the angle frequently. After a moment, he broke away, confusion and maybe a little spark of interest joining the misery etched onto his face.

"What the hell...are you doing?" he asked dryly, as Kagami leaned in again and pressed his lips to the side of his neck, tasting the salt of his sweat.

"Mh...distracting you," Kagami replied simply, kissing the hollow of his throat, "Tell me if I'm hurting you, I'll stop."

Aomine exhaled slowly, and Kagami glanced up to see his eyes flutter closed, a tiny bit of tension leaving him, "No," he muttered quietly, shaking fingers reaching up and combing through Kagami's hair, "Don't stop…"

Kagami decided to take that as permission. Part of him wanted to think he could replace Aomine's pain with pleasure, and make him feel good, but he knew even his best efforts would barely amount to a drop in the bucket right now. Aomine's pleasure receptors were rather stunted and frayed to begin with, ravaged by the extreme effects of the drug that had overstimulated them and then left them in ruin. He couldn't process the simple joy of a sunny day or a well-cooked meal anymore; heroin, basketball, and even sex no longer brought him true euphoria. Nothing did. He could still register happiness and bliss if conditions were right, but he was incapable of feeling ecstatic, or just...content in his everyday life.

It was a piece of himself that he would never get back, something his "girl" had sucked away...and for awhile Kagami thought it was one of the saddest things he'd ever seen. Now, he was pretty used to it; he still mourned the loss, but he understood there was nothing he could do to reverse it, and commanded himself to just be grateful for what he had. Because he was one of the few people who could coax a smile from Aomine, or provoke him to put up an effort. He was one of the only remaining lights in his life, and even if Aomine had never told him that, it was something he knew they were both very aware of.

So Kagami set his bar lower, to accommodate for Aomine's shortcomings and the physical torment he was already experiencing, and decided if he could get him calm enough to conceivably fall back asleep, he would be satisfied. He regretted waking him up in the first place; he hadn't known he would drag him into this agony by doing so...at least when he was asleep he was mostly unaware of it.

Touching his lips to Aomine's jaw, he trailed soft, lingering kisses along his neck, nuzzling and cherishing the smooth, tan skin damp with sweat, occasionally grazing with his teeth, but never biting. He didn't want to add more discomfort, however slight.

"Just relax, baby…" he crooned, watching Aomine's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and placing a light kiss on it.

The bluenette made a short sound that might have been an attempt at a laugh, but came out more like a gasp of pain, "Th-that's a new one,"

Kagami felt heat crawl up his face, and ducked his head away, "Asshole,"

"Hm, s-somehow I...prefer that one," Aomine remarked shakily, trying to smirk and only managing a grimace, "...Sounds more like you."

Kagami sighed exasperatedly and touched their lips together for a split-second, "You mean because it's more like what I would say, or because it describes me?"

"Both…"

Sighing again, but this time with affection, Kagami captured his mouth, moving slowly and tentatively, not rushing the gentle kiss. It occurred to him that there had been a time - just a day or so ago, actually - that he'd wondered if he'd never have this again, never again get to experience the teasing banter that lead right into kissing, and while it was tamer right now, it wouldn't always have to be. Because there would be many more faux arguments and heartfelt liplocks in their future, when this whole mess was finally sorted out….he would make sure of it.

He kept up the procession of kisses, never moving lower than Aomine's collarbone for fear of hurting him, and Aomine gradually relaxed; giving to his touch and uncoiling from his rigid position, sometimes holding his breath in between brushes of Kagami's lips. Finally, his eyes drifted shut and stayed that way. His body seemed to loosen up slightly, though it still trembled now and then, his breathing coming slower and deeper as he fell asleep at last. He'd always been a heavy sleeper, and nodded off quickly, but while he'd been in the hospital, and after leaving it, it was like sleep was his default, and he only got brief spells of wakefulness in between long, comatose dozes.

Kagami moved over, claiming his spot beside his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him protectively, as lightly as he could, so as not to aggravate his aching, currently sensitive skin. And he hoped, as his thoughts started to blur with weariness settling over him, that this would be both the first and the last night that Aomine jolted him from sleep by screaming in pain.

.

.

Kagami didn't know what he'd expected the clinic to be like. Probably like the mental institutions he saw in movies, and as such, he wasn't that surprised by what he was greeted with upon entering the place early the next morning - clean off-white floors and walls and very little to catch one's eye...rather like the hospital had been. After a moment, Aomine shuffled in behind him, hands in the pockets of his jacket; oozing reluctance. He knew very little made his boyfriend really uncomfortable, but not being in control of a situation, not being able to predict what was going to happen, was one thing that did. At least he seemed a little better than he had the night before, but he was still shaking, and Kagami could tell by the occasional winces that crossed his face that he was still in a lot of pain….just good at concealing and downplaying it. A skill he'd picked up not only in the time that he'd used heroin, but before then, when he couldn't afford to let his soreness from practicing basketball to exhaustion show. Kagami had learned over the years not to always go by what he said or did, when trying to figure out if he was feeling okay.

When he sat down beside Kagami in what he supposed counted as a waiting room, he blanched with the nausea the quick motion must have brought, and then turned a delicate shade of green, fixing his dull blue eyes on the floor.

Kagami nudged him, very lightly, "Hey, this'll be over before you know it...and then you'll feel better."

Aomine swallowed, with difficulty, "Fuck, I hope so."

Kagami tried to laugh, "I'd watch that mouth around these clinic people, or they might not feel like helping you...besides, you're making me look bad."

"Shut up, dumbass," Aomine muttered hoarsely, "You swear just as much as me, don't...don't flatter yourself."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kagami raised an eyebrow, "You could scrub your mouth out with soap every day and it still wouldn't be clean; no way in hell mine's that filthy."

His attempt at teasing seemed to work, because a tired half-smirk lifted the side of Aomine's mouth, "Huh, maybe I sh-should taste it to be sure."

Kagami shrugged, "Put this methadone stuff down your throat first, then my tongue can follow it."

He didn't realize what he'd said until Aomine blinked, and then gave a low whistle of surprise, though it quavered about halfway through, diminishing the sass considerably, "Damn, Kagami….was that a quip I just heard? You're turning into a shameless flirt."

Flushing to the roots of his hair, Kagami ducked his head away, "I'm p-plenty ashamed."

He felt lips lightly touch one of his flaming cheeks, and almost flinched, looking up perplexedly.

"And plenty adorable…" Aomine murmured, drawing away, his tone changing as he went on, "Well, let's get this over with...so my little tiger can make good on his promise."

"Don't call me that," Kagami muttered; halfheartedly, because none of his protests had ever stopped Aomine from calling him whatever he pleased. He supposed he should have counted himself lucky he hadn't picked anything too demeaning...yet.

"...So what are we supposed to do now?" Aomine grumbled after a moment, bracing his elbows against his knees and letting his hands dangle loosely between them.

"Just wait for someone to come for us, I guess. We do have an appointment; I called ahead of time so it shouldn't be long."

It must have been a busy day, because it was a longer wait than he might have liked. Almost twenty minutes went by, during which they lapsed into quiet chatting about nothing in particular, before someone finally emerged from the hallway and asked for an Aomine Daiki. Kagami immediately shot to his feet, offering a hand to help Aomine stand up, and he wasn't surprised when it was pushed away. However shaky and awful Aomine might have been feeling, it seemed he still retained pride enough to want to do things on his own...he wasn't far gone enough yet in his torment to accept help for such simple tasks. Pushing off the rigid seat of the chair, Aomine stood and immediately wobbled before catching his balance, shooting Kagami a glare as if daring him to offer patronizing support or ask if he was okay. Kagami just smiled with minimal exasperation and shook his head, turning back to their company - a calm-looking, grey-haired man he assumed was a doctor or something...he wasn't sure - and motioning for him to lead on.

"I'm very glad you decided to visit," the man said in a slow, mellow voice that Kagami wondered if he'd been trained to use, as he lead them down a wide hallway to a room that looked strangely cozier than he'd expected...better than the rigid, spotless wards at the hospital, "It takes real courage to ask for help; admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovering."

Aomine opened his mouth to speak, but Kagami nudged him in the ribs - less gently than before - as a nonverbal request for him to not speak unless it was required; ignoring the scowl of offense that was shot at him. He gave his boyfriend a chastising look, wondering if he got the message. _We're here because of your mess; my money and this man's time is being put into cleaning it up. The least you can do is keep your head down and be respectful._

The man made a gesture inviting the two of them to sit down, and Kagami took it after a moment of hesitation. Aomine, however, remained standing, the glint of sweat on his skin and slight furrowing of his eyebrows the only indications of the pain he was still feeling.

"You're Aomine Daiki, right?" the man asked in his smooth-as-honey voice, looking Aomine up and down. He didn't wait for a response before going on, smiling pleasantly, "I'm Doctor Sugawara, it's a pleasure to meet you. I understand you're here on account of an addiction to heroin?"

Aomine visibly flinched, as if the word itself had pierced his skin like the needles associated with it.

"Yes," he said stiffly, shifting his weight.

"I see," Sugawara nodded, still smiling his gentle smile, "Would you mind telling me how long this has been going on?"

Aomine was silent, arms slowly crossing, as if in defense. Sighing, Kagami stood up, resigning himself to Aomine's stubbornness causing this to take forever.

"About three years," he clarified, looking at Aomine with an unspoken question.

A rapid, silent exchange of communication took place, all in expressions.

Kagami frowned, as if to say, _Why didn't you answer him?_

Aomine's lip curling just slightly said, _I don't have to answer to anyone._

Kagami gave him a reproachful look; _This'll be over faster if you cooperate._

 _You were the one who told me not to speak,_ Aomine's raised eyebrows retorted.

Rolling his eyes, Kagami returned his attention to the doctor, expecting him to ask more questions that he would have to answer in Aomine's place. Instead, Sugawara walked over to the other side of the room, opened a filing cabinet, and extracted a few sheets of paper. These he handed to Aomine along with a pen, which the bluenette accepted after a moment's perplexed refusal.

The doctor gave his relaxed smile again and stepped back, "Alright. Just fill out those forms regarding your patient history, and you can go. Then, in about two days, we'll call you in for your first methadone dose."

Aomine blinked, and then glanced at Kagami, mouthing " _Two days_?" silently.

Kagami felt the same thrill of unease as he assumed Aomine had just felt. It had only taken three for both of them to break under the strain of withdrawal before; he'd assumed treatment would start right away, once they explained why it was needed. _There are going to be_ more _nightmarish experiences like last night before this is over?_

"Why can't he get it today?" he asked, keeping the frantic note carefully out of his voice.

"He has to be approved first," Sugawara explained calmly, "We'll look over his physical and mental records, then if it's safe and necessary, I'll be happy to give it to him. You'll both just have to be patient until then; two days won't kill you."

The suppressed spark of fear in Aomine's eyes before he dropped them to the ground told Kagami he wasn't so sure, and he could see his shaking had started up again, more noticeably than before. After a moment, he sat down heavily in one of the padded chairs, and Kagami joined him hesitantly.

"Aomine?" he prompted, dipping his head to try to meet the bluenette's downcast eyes.

Aomine seemed to be frozen, his hand clenching the pen hovering over the paperwork in his lap, "Kagami, I can't..." he said after a moment, voice cracking, and he finally looked up, fixing Kagami with a gaze so full of panic and dread that he could only withstand looking at it for a few seconds before he had to break eye contact, "...I can't do this. No way am I going through that again."

Kagami was silent a moment. He couldn't promise it would be okay, because he knew it wouldn't be. He knew he was asking Aomine to keep himself cut off cold turkey for two more days, knowing the kind of torture that was in store for him if he did, and having nothing to ease it. He was already hurting terribly, sweating and shaking, and it was only going to get worse...so much worse...from here. How could he ask that of him?

Summoning his resolve, he returned his gaze to his boyfriend's steadily, "Try," he urged, "You have to at least try, please...for me."

Taking a deep breath, Aomine turned to the sheets of paper resting against his legs, "Okay. You're right, I won't let it beat me. The only one who can beat me is me….and sometimes you."

Kagami gave a wry smile at the return of Aomine's old credo, and it turned into a genuine one at the three words he'd added at the end of it.

"That's the spirit, Aho," he encouraged softly, not bothering to hide the swell of pride in his voice. He lightly rested an arm against Aomine's shoulder, a silent show of support, as he bent down and started to write, "...Let's end this thing once and for all."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Knowing what to expect helped a little, Kagami admitted. Of course, there wasn't a whole lot he could do when the horrible symptoms of withdrawal started cropping up in earnest in the days that followed that first visit to the clinic, but that didn't stop him from trying his damnedest to ease Aomine's difficulty; providing him with aspirin, hot water bottles, cool towels, and whatever else he could think of. He knew he was barely even making a dent in the pain his lover was experiencing, let alone what was to come, but he kept telling himself resolutely that this had to happen. Aomine was suffering, but he was also healing slowly. And Kagami hoped he wouldn't have to bear the full brunt of it unarmed, when it decided to hit...he hoped his request for methadone therapy would go through before then.

When they'd gotten back from the clinic, Kagami had all but turned the apartment upside down, cleaning out every trace of Aomine's "girl" that he could find; raiding the usual stashes and interrogating Aomine relentlessly about the rest. When the bluenette finally snapped that he wanted it gone too and would throw it all out himself if he could bend down without feeling like he was going to puke, Kagami knew for sure that he wasn't lying, and all of it was really disposed of this time. Which meant no temptation, but it also meant no safety net to fall back on, if things got really bad. Kagami supposed that was for the best. Personally he'd gone through enough self-loathing to last him a lifetime, and he really didn't want to start this vicious cycle all over again...for Aomine's sake.

Something else was different this time as well; the two of them weren't on their own, battling this mess. Momoi showed up on the second day, basically inviting herself over to Kagami's apartment, but he certainly wasn't going to complain. Especially because she'd brought movies and soup ("I didn't make it, don't worry," she'd reassured Kagami when she caught the wary look he had shot her; all too familiar with the atrocity of her cooking). She said it was what she normally brought to Aomine when he was sick, and Kagami had welcomed not only the experience she had dealing with him, but the possibility of her getting him to eat something...he hadn't since the night he vanished, and whatever nutrients had been given to him via I.V in the hospital probably weren't satisfactory for a person of his size and metabolism.

She'd hesitated in the doorway to the apartment, one foot rubbing over the other self-consciously, something almost like guilt in her eyes, "Would it be okay...I mean...can I see Dai-chan?"

"Of course," Kagami shrugged, leading her to the bedroom, "But you might have to watch your step around him; he'll probably be pissy if we wake him up." Aomine had been bed-ridden since he got back from the clinic - on Kagami's orders - and though he'd protested and complained often that he was bored out of his skull, Kagami's mind was more at ease knowing he wasn't going to lose his unstable footing and collapse, and he'd said the exhausted bluenette could feel free to sleep as much as he wanted, if he was able. He was at his boyfriend's side whenever he had a spare minute, and he had a lot more of those since he'd called his boss and asked for some time off his job to handle a family emergency….even if Aomine wasn't technically family, he was as good as, and Kagami hadn't wanted to specify the details. He'd gotten his break from work, and that was that.

Knocking on the door with his knuckles, Kagami eased it open and glimpsed Aomine sprawled in a tangle of blankets on the bed, eyes closed, a magazine lying open on his chest, though Kagami doubted his attempts to read it had been fruitful. His dark eyes squinted open, and then roved over to the door with a mix of irritation and discomfort.

"What?" he grumbled.

"Rise and shine; you have a visitor," Kagami said cryptically, ushering Momoi in before following behind, taking his place at the foot of the bed, observing Aomine and taking stock of his current physical state. The bowl beside the bed was empty, but he looked nauseous nonetheless, and the slight twitching of his eyebrow indicated either a headache or a stomachache, or both. He was haggard, dripping with sweat despite the towel draped across his forehead, his eyes tired and listless as they roved over Momoi with a dull kind of curiosity.

"Wonderful…" he rasped, with a shaky attempt at sarcasm.

Kagami glanced at their company as well; Momoi looked appalled, concerned...and Kagami thought he saw an unnatural shine to her bright eyes that suggested gathering tears. He remembered she hadn't seen Aomine in quite some time...and certainly hadn't seen the frail, pitiful state he'd sunk to in the last few days.

"Dai-chan…" she swallowed and took a step closer to the bed, putting on a watery smile, "How are you feeling?"

Aomine expelled a short, harsh breath, "Like shit, Satsuki. ...Like c-complete, utter shit." He tried to sit up, Kagami could see it in the way he bent his legs and the muscles of his stomach clenched, but with a strained noise disturbingly close to a whimper of pain, he stopped and lay still again, taking slow, uneven gasps of air as if fighting back tears or vomit, Kagami wasn't sure which.

"Can't you do anything?" Momoi asked Kagami, voice wobbling a little, "He's in so much pain, he should be in the hospital…"

"He was just _in_ the hospital," Kagami pointed out, "They sent him home."

"But he's sick -"

"There's no medicine for this," he interrupted before she could finish, "Or rather...they won't give it to him yet. There's nothing we can do but wait until he's approved, and suck it up until then."

Aomine gave a gravelly laugh, "Th-that's easy for you to say, Bakagami..."

"Shut up. You brought this on yourself, you know." Kagami retorted, refusing to be guilted by the jabs Aomine felt the need to keep throwing at him. He was learning to harden his heart, and it was just as well because while Aomine whined consistently about how awful he was feeling, Kagami knew he still didn't want or need his pity.

Momoi couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Aomine, swallowing again, "I had no idea it was this bad, Dai-chan, it...it looks like you're dying…"

"Fuckin' feels like it..." Aomine muttered.

"Don't say that! Please don't -!" Momoi protested frantically, setting down the Tupperware container of soup and the DVDs she'd brought on the bedside table, and only when she'd sat next to him did Kagami realize it was because her hands were shaking too badly to keep holding the items steady.

Aomine's eyes lighted on the objects that had been placed beside him, and he reached over unsteadily, picking up one of the movies and flipping it over as if to read the back, "What's this?"

Clenching her delicate fingers on her knees, Momoi didn't look at him, but at the carpet as she responded, "I just brought some stuff, like when you had the flu when we were kids."

Chewing idly on his lower lip, Aomine looked up from the DVD box, and behind the hazy exhaustion and ache there was a hint of interest in his eyes, "This's a National Geographic special...I haven't watched that since I was like ten…"

"Well, I thought it might be more relaxing than whatever Kagamin's got." Momoi remarked.

Kagami frowned, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well considering you eat, sleep, and breathe basketball, I figured your only movies would be NBA recordings or something," she replied coolly, like the data analyst she was.

Kagami flushed and dropped his gaze, unwilling to admit the accuracy of her statement. Aomine, however, wasn't listening, returning his attention to scanning the backs of the DVDs, giving occasional, slurred mumbles to himself of "This is a newer one," or "I wonder if it's got the episode with the tide pools…"

Kagami's eyebrows lifted almost to his hairline upon witnessing his pacified boyfriend poring over the nature documentaries, nausea and bodily torment apparently - temporarily - forgotten, and he looked at Momoi incredulously, "How the hell did you do that?" he asked in a shocked whisper, "I haven't gotten him to calm down or take interest in _anything_ since..." he trailed off, making a vague, demanding gesture.

"Easy," Momoi shrugged, "Dai-chan likes his nature. Or...he did when he was a kid; he used to drag me outside for hours to dig up crayfish and other things." Her nose wrinkled slightly in distaste, but there were fond memories sparkling in her eyes, of a younger, happier Aomine fearlessly venturing into the Japanese wilderness, hunting down cicadas and stag beetles and lizards. Kagami's chest felt tight with detached affection, picturing it, but he also felt a prickle of envy crawl over his skin. Momoi had grown up alongside a side of Aomine that he hadn't been so privileged to see; had known a time when he was cheerful, spirited, and carefree more often than not.

"H-hey, Kagami..." Aomine snapped him out of his thoughts when he spoke hoarsely, and he immediately turned to him, expectantly, "Can we watch these later...when Satsuki leaves? I haven't seen them in forever; th-there's this one with hammerhead sharks...and then there's the...there's the Amazon one with snakes and piranhas and this huge crocodile that -"

Kagami held up a hand to hold off the diligent if pathetically wavering list of animals, the corner of his mouth kicking up with amusement, "Sure, dumbass, but save your voice, alright? You're going to wear yourself out if you keep talking so much." Honestly it was rare to see him even a little enthusiastic about anything, especially now….Momoi must have had some kind of magic touch. Whatever it was, it was encouraging...especially since it had steered Aomine's thoughts - however briefly - away from dangerous waters. He hadn't mentioned his "girl", or anything directly leading to that subject, to Kagami in days, but it was plain to see that he still desperately wanted it...still warred with his craving for it that had thrown him into a world of miserable agony as of late. Any distraction from _that_ was more than welcome.

Fidgeting, Momoi shot periodic, indecisive looks in Aomine's direction as he set down the DVD in his hand and shifted as if to try in vain to get comfortable. Pulling her lower lip between her teeth, she scooted a little closer to him, pink hair drooping to form curtains around her face as she dipped her head closer to his.

"Dai-chan…?" she asked tentatively. Aomine grunted a response, and after a moment's hesitation she went on, "Are you...going to be okay? Be honest."

Summoning a look of aloof assurance, Aomine shrugged stiffly, "Yeah. ...Come on, you know me better than that…" he trailed off, and his deep blue gaze dropped uncertainly, "Actually...uh…" he shoved a hand through his sweat-drenched hair and sighed, "...I dunno. Shit, it feels like I'm sh-shutting down...falling apart...but I mean...I guess it's got to get worse before it gets better."

Momoi blinked. Then she reached out and snatched the hand that had reached into his hair, turning his arm over and squinting at the inflamed scars on the inside of his elbow.

"What…?" she began.

"Needle marks," Kagami explained, in perfect monotone, before Aomine could give her the same bald-faced lie he'd given Kagami three years ago, "I'm guessing you hadn't noticed those before."

Aomine's mouth hardened to a thin line, and he fixed Kagami with a reproachful glare, but didn't say anything.

Momoi was also silent for a long moment, and Kagami saw her shoulders shake before she fell forward and buried her face against Aomine's chest, emitting quiet, hiccuping sobs and gripping his shirt in her hands. Kagami lifted a hand to stop her, but couldn't bring himself to drag her away, letting it fall back to the bed helplessly.

"Satsuki, uh -" Aomine began, voice tight with intense discomfort, but he was cut off by Momoi's anguished shouting.

"Why? Why why _why_ , Dai-chan, w-why would you…?" she broke off when a fresh wave of tears surfaced, and then her tone switched from despair to anger, as she sat up slightly, hands still clutched in Aomine's sweat and tear-stained shirt, "Tell me why. What reason c-could possibly justify…?"

Aomine's mouth opened to speak, but he closed it again just as quickly, averting his gaze from her.

"You _idiot!"_ she pounded a hand against his chest, tears still streaming as she followed the blow with another, ignoring Aomine's recoiling flinch and weak grunt of pain, trying and failing to escape her wrath, "If you really think you -!"

Snapping into action, Kagami interrupted, taking her wrists in his hands and pulling her away, though she fought violently against his restraining grip, "Sorry Momoi, but I can't let you add more damage. ...You don't really want to hurt Aomine; beating him up won't fix anything."

"S-stop _defending_ him, Kagamin, this is not okay!" Momoi protested shrilly, scratching his forearms with her nails in an attempt to get free, "This is so far beyond _okay_ , it's killing him!"

Kagami sat her back down, still gripping her wrists forcefully and looking into her eyes. He was distantly aware of Aomine behind her, half-sitting up and fighting for wheezing breaths after having the burden of her weight removed from his chest.

"And we're trying to stop it," he said steadily, "What happened happened, I saw all of it...but right now Aomine needs as little additional pain as possible while his body tries to heal. He's going to be okay. I'll make sure he is."

Momoi looked at him for a moment, and then hung her head, sniffling, "Sorry…" In the background, Kagami caught the sound of vomit hitting the bottom of the bowl he'd placed beside Aomine, and he winced. Aomine didn't have much in his stomach to bring back up, at this point it was probably just bile.

"I'm sorry, Dai-chan," now Momoi's voice was tiny, ashamed, and she didn't look up to properly deliver the apology to Aomine.

Letting go of her hands, Kagami stood up straight and moved over to his boyfriend, laying a hand on his shoulder blade and lightly rubbing his back, feeling the muscles tremble as he expelled his stomach's meager contents into the bowl. He couldn't be of use to Aomine until the vomiting stopped, when he would help cool him down and wash the taste out of his mouth...at times like these, he felt a little useless, but there was never a time that he couldn't be providing support, whether with words or just his presence. That would have to suffice for now.

"Easy, Aho…" he murmured, stroking up and down his back slowly, "I know it sucks, but it feels at least a little better when it's over, doesn't it?"

Aomine gulped a breath and sat back after a moment, panting and trying to grimace in revulsion at the same time, "You think….that's s-something….that methadone stuff w-will help?"

 _I have no clue what it'll do, but I hope so…_ "Yeah, I think so. Don't worry, we're going to get you on that stuff before you know it, we're just waiting on a call from the clinic."

"Wh-what if...they never call?" Kagami heard the question underneath; what he meant to ask: _What if they call too late? What if it kills me first?_

"They will." he didn't know where he got the comforting assurance in his voice, but he sure as hell used it to his advantage, "Just trust me. We didn't fill out all that paperwork for nothing... Now, let's get you some water and a cool towel, and then we'll see about putting on one of your nature specials, okay?" He got up to do just that, but stopped when Aomine spoke shakily, voice feeble and saturated.

"Kagami?"

He turned back around to see the bluenette looking at him with some mix of emotions he couldn't read.

"...Love you,"

It was said so quietly that he almost missed it, and almost fell off the bed when it hit him, heart pounding. Certain that he was flushing all the way down to his toes, he mumbled a reply, "I love you too."

Aomine leaned forward, lips slightly parted, but Kagami prevented the grateful kiss by stepping back, sticking his hands in his pockets sheepishly, "Brush your teeth before you kiss me, dumbass, you smell like a sewer. And I mean that in the nicest possible way."

Aomine snorted, but nodded and started to lie back down, clearly experiencing difficulty doing so with aching muscles and stiff joints.

Leaning down, Kagami gently touched his lips to his forehead, "Be right back."

He started to leave the room, and noticed Momoi had gotten up, lingering in the doorway. It took him a second to figure out that she wanted to talk to him alone, and he let her follow him to the kitchen, glancing at her over his shoulder expectantly.

"You really do love him, don't you?" she said slowly. Kagami said nothing, just fixing her with a look he hoped encompassed at least a portion of his feelings for Aomine. After a moment, she shifted and added, "Dai-chan's...lucky he's got you."

It was much the same statement the nurse had given him back at the hospital, but somehow it sounded different. The nurse had seemed to be saying Aomine was lucky to have someone like Kagami watching over him, because Kagami was apparently so great to stick by him faithfully and come to his aid, and Aomine should be thankful and count himself fortunate. He was a luxury, in that nurse's eyes, not a necessity….because she didn't know he was essentially the only thing Aomine had left.

Momoi, however, seemed to be saying something else; that Aomine was lucky he had anyone there at all, considering his actions...as if any sane person would have turned tail and fled long ago, leaving him all alone. And honestly, anyone else probably would have; Aomine had given Kagami more than enough reason to justify backing out, but he couldn't bring himself to...couldn't even bear the thought.

"He'll always have me," he muttered, almost to himself, as he got a glass down from the cabinet and held it under the faucet to fill it, "I'm not going anywhere."

.

.

The long-awaited call from the clinic finally came the following day, and not a moment too soon. Aomine's shaking had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hold the glasses of water Kagami tried to get him to drink from, and after the first one had shattered on the floor, Kagami started putting straws in them and holding them to his lips. He'd gotten him to drink the broth from the soup Momoi had brought in this manner, but Aomine had promptly thrown it back up in the middle of the night...Kagami hoped at least some of the nutrition had gotten into his system first. He didn't wake Kagami up with agonized screaming anymore, but that was because his voice had given out, and even when he tried to speak it was only in a raspy whisper.

He'd offered to carry him when it seemed like his legs wouldn't bear his weight - though he didn't look forward to the awkward prospect - but Aomine had managed to muster a scowl and shook his head, so Kagami supported him around the shoulders, and let him lean his weight on him, as he guided him through the revolving doors and into the clean white building. Hopefully, this time, they would get what they came for and leave successful.

"Ah, welcome back," the mellow voice of Doctor Sugawara greeted them, "I'm so glad you stopped by, come with me to my office and let's chat."

Kagami didn't waste breath replying, just got to his feet, and helped Aomine to his, wrapping an arm around his back and under his arms to hold him up. Glimpsing their sluggish, hampered progression down the hall, Sugawara slowed his own brisk pace and turned around, falling into step beside them instead.

"So tell me," the doctor prompted amiably, attempting to meet Aomine's downcast gaze, which was primarily keeping him from tripping over his own feet, "Have you used at all, the last two days?"

From directly beside him, Kagami saw Aomine's eyes blaze with anger, where they were typically listless and flat these days, "No." he said brittly, but Kagami heard the intended " _fuck you"_ in his tone, and purposely stepped on his toes, trying subtly to remind him to check his temper in this place.

"Splendid," Sugawara remarked, oblivious to the nonverbal communication between them, "We'll just verify with a quick urine test, and if you're right, we'll see about your first dosage; sound good?"

Kagami almost heard Aomine bite his tongue to hold back a stinging retort, or possibly a full-scale tirade, depending on his level of frustration. He understood his boyfriend's impatience and irritation, and that the majority of it stemmed from his suffering, but he wouldn't condone it here, and gave Aomine another reproachful nudge with his foot.

"Fine." Aomine grit out, still not looking up from the floor. Kagami understood that too; he felt humiliated, being seen this way, unable to even stand on his own two feet without help, and on top of that he must have felt like he was being mocked and toyed with by Sugawara's unfazed, pleasant attitude. And obviously, the doctor was not just going to take Aomine's word for it, when he said he hadn't been using, but Kagami could almost sense how that distrust made Aomine's hackles bristle all the more; like it didn't even matter what he said in response, the answer would be the same. One thing the great Aomine Daiki hated was being disregarded.

 _He's not in such great shape now, though…_ Kagami thought ruefully, guiding Aomine into the comfortable room that he supposed was Sugawara's office, _He won't hold out much longer on his own; we need this man's help to do this...otherwise I wouldn't feel much like cooperating either._

Sugawara followed and reached behind his desk, placing a small cup on top of it, "If I could just get a small urine sample…? The restroom is down the hall and to the left."

Kagami glanced at Aomine, feeling embarrassed heat rise to his cheeks, because he seriously doubted the bluenette could walk that distance on his own.

"Grow up, moron…" Aomine grumbled. He probably didn't sound as miffed as he wanted to with his voice at such a low, croaking volume, "H-he's not asking _you_ to piss in a cup, now let's...let's get this over with…"

An awkward silence fell on them as they hobbled to the bathroom together, like participants in some poorly organized three-legged race, and Aomine only broke it once they were safely in the men's room, rolling the plastic cup between his hands absently.

"I can um...try to brace my weight against the wall, so you don't…h-have to stand next to me."

Kagami sighed, "Look, we've both seen each other naked all the time, I'm not embarrassed anym -"

"I'm not worried about that," Aomine interrupted quietly, and Kagami swore he saw a flush riding on his sweat-streaked cheeks, but he kept his head turned away, so it was difficult to be certain.

"Then what are you worried about?" he asked.

Clearly flustered - which was rare to see - Aomine shifted and bit his lower lip, and he made a vague gesture with his free hand, "I haven't… Fuck, I haven't had...the best... _aim_ , since…" he trailed off, and the last two words were almost inaudible, the red staining his cheeks and the bridge of his nose very obvious now.

The admission was almost humorous, but Kagami didn't laugh at him, and as the color in his boyfriend's cheeks increased, he could feel the color in his own draining.

"So you're worried about splashing me, huh?"

Aomine shut his mouth so fast that Kagami heard his teeth click together, "...Something like that."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kagami gave a shaky chuckle, "Ah, hell with it. If that happens, I'll come up with something. Better than you ending up on your ass because you overestimated yourself. Fire away."

He felt Aomine's fist graze his cheek, but the collision didn't hurt, either because Aomine pulled the punch, or because his strength was so depleted that he couldn't put enough force behind it to sting.

"Asshole." the bluenette muttered, "Don't say it like that…"

Kagami did end up with a few spots on his jeans for his efforts keeping Aomine standing while he performed the task, but he figured he could explain it away as sweat or spilled coffee if he got any strange looks. Besides, once the sample was tested and came back clean of any traces of heroin, Doctor Sugawara pressed a square white pill into Aomine's hand.

"Cheers," he said brightly, giving him a new cup full of water to wash this first dose of methadone down.

Managing to keep hold of the two items with shaky hands, Aomine glanced at Kagami, then at the doctor, and shrugged grimly.

"...Cheers," he echoed, placing the pill between his lips and chasing it down with the water.

It wasn't as if he'd finally managed to get his hands on a miracle cure or anything, but Kagami couldn't help but feel heartened; encouraged by this step of progress. Maybe now days and nights wouldn't be so torturous, and he could start to really heal. Maybe now they could battle Aomine's addiction in earnest, and make it disappear. Maybe now they could set their sights on a new, bigger goal than just getting him through the day in one piece. After all, he was technically already clean, even if he didn't look or feel like it; the largest hurdle had been cleared...the next step was getting him to the point where he could live his life and function normally again...and beyond that, who knew? Maybe a happily ever after together was within their sights.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_One week after..._

It was very rare, almost unheard of, for Aomine to wake up before him. Kagami looked up in surprise as he felt his solid weight lift from the mattress, and watched him throw a shirt over his head; wincing at how his ribs pressed starkly against his frame, a reminder of the neglect and abuse his body had taken. Once he’d been an athlete, but now Kagami didn’t think he could be even if he wanted to.

“What’s the hurry?” he asked, sitting up, the blankets falling into his lap. He was relieved to see Aomine was at least able to stand on his own, and though his eyes were still dull as they glanced at him, some of the exhaustion and tension carved into the lines of his face seemed to have lifted in the night. It had been a slow, almost imperceptible process, watching him heal over the last week or so, but it seemed like he was finally getting better.

“Last visit to the clinic,” Aomine muttered over his shoulder, “You coming?”

Kagami blinked; had they reached the final visit already? Moving his bangs out of his eyes, he yawned and nodded, “Yeah, I’ll drive.”

Aomine huffed a breath, as he fished in the drawers for some jeans, “You never let me do anything.”

 _That’s ‘cause you weren’t_ able _to do anything for over a week back there…_ He just smiled and got to his feet, stretching thoroughly, “Fine, you can drive on the way back then.”

It felt like a miracle, to hear him voicing a desire to do something, trusting that he would be able to pull it off. The last few days hadn’t exactly been pleasant, and Aomine had just slept through most of them, eating very little, and saying less. He had still been in terrible pain, Kagami knew, even with the new drug in his system fighting it, and even as it helped, the methadone had also taken its own toll on him. The disturbing amount of sweat persisted; he seemed to experience spells of dizziness when he stood up or sat down, and for awhile his appetite had remained dismal or nonexistent. Kagami supposed the first real step of progress had been the night before, when the bluenette had actually finished what was on his plate.

What he had as yet been unaware of was the return of a different kind of appetite, but as he finished liberally bending his legs to loosen them up, he saw Aomine’s eyes glued on him, a tiny smirk edging the side of his mouth. His boyfriend tsked dismissively when he caught him looking, “Fucking tease...if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to delay me from finishing this damn treatment and putting it behind me. Seducing the handicapped...such a bad tiger.”

Hitting him over the head with the shirt he had balled up in his hand, Kagami ducked his own head away to hide the flush exploding across his cheeks, “Shut up, pervert. And you’re not handicapped; don’t be so melodramatic.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he glimpsed a flash of relief, tinged with a little bit of awe, in Aomine’s gaze, “Hmm, I guess I’m not anymore.” It seemed to have just hit him for the first time, and without warning, a grin burst across his face, effectively knocking the breath out of Kagami, “I’m clean...for real this time.”

Forcing his voice to sound at least remotely unfazed, though his heart was squeezing irregularly in his chest with fierce, almost painful love, Kagami returned the smile, showing lots of teeth, “How do you feel?”

Aomine shrugged, “Eh...still pretty crappy, honestly, but I think it’s going to get better soon.”

“Yeah?” Kagami asked hopefully.

Aomine seemed to consider it, and then nodded, with a certainty and determination Kagami felt like he hadn’t seen in ages, “Yeah.”

.

 

.

The visit to the clinic went relatively well; Aomine was given his final dose of methadone, an encouraging smile from Doctor Sugawara, and a button with “ _to your future_ ” printed on it above the name of the clinic. Kagami supposed that counted as a congratulations, and he’d smiled even as Aomine scoffed that it was cheesy. In any case, he knew both of them were very glad to leave the rigid white hallways and deceptively comfortable rooms of the clinic behind, hopefully for good.

The drive home was silent at first, but it was a contented kind of quiet; the motivational button from the clinic rattling on the center console as Aomine calmly navigated the roads. It had been forever since Kagami had let him take the wheel - in a figurative or literal sense - but he’d adjusted quickly enough, though in the past he’d played the radio whenever he was in the driver’s seat. Kagami supposed he had a lot on his mind.

He was in the same boat, honestly. First and foremost, it was an enormous relief to see Aomine looking so much better, now that he was officially free from the influence of his treacherous “girl”, and he couldn’t wait to tell Kuroko and Momoi - who had both been anxiously standing by for the past week - the good news. Second...something had occurred to him, sometime this morning, when his heart had nearly stopped at the genuine smile Aomine had given him. He’d been with him through the best and the worst of times, these past three years; through heaven and hell on Earth...and though he already knew he was dangerously, hopelessly in love with him, he was starting to really understand that it was permanent. He couldn’t imagine his life without Aomine in it; a future without him seemed like an unbearable, bleak void he didn’t want to face.

He had been mulling that over the past few hours, at the clinic and on the road, and now he was gradually coming to terms with the idea of forever, beside his arrogant, reckless, beautiful idiot of a boyfriend. Absently picking at the corner of the nicotine patch on his collarbone, he looked over at Aomine, lowering his hand when blue eyes briefly flitted to him before returning to the road.

“Hey, Aho...will you marry me?” Just like when he’d accidentally asked the bluenette out, a lifetime ago, the quiet question simply spilled out, unplanned and unbidden; but this time he didn’t immediately take it back.

The car swerved sharply, and Aomine swore under his breath before guiding it back to its lane, “Jesus, Kagami, do you want to give me a fucking heart attack?” Letting out a deep, slow breath, he fell silent for a long moment, and upon glancing at them Kagami saw his fingers were clenched tightly, trembling against the steering wheel, “What kind of proposal is that, anyway? You know you’re supposed to get down on one knee and -”

“I know,” Kagami interrupted hastily, bracing his hands against his knees, “I didn’t really mean it like an official proposal, just...what if?”

“What if what?”

“You know what, dumbass; what if we got married?”

Aomine shrugged, “We already live together and stuff…I guess it wouldn’t be that different.”

Kagami sighed, “It’d be different.” He hesitated, gathering his nerve, and then returned his gaze to the man beside him, “..If I _had_ gotten on one knee with a ring and all that crap, what...would you have said?”

Aomine thought about it, biting his lip adorably, but then his expression morphed into a teasing smirk, “Well first I would have swooned at the romantic gesture from my little Baka -”

“Asshole, I’m serious!” Kagami scowled indignantly, lightly shoving his shoulder.

“Calm your tits, I was only joking,” Aomine snickered. But when Kagami’s hard glare didn’t waver, he sobered, turning into the apartment parking lot without another word. He didn’t say anything until he’d parked the car and removed the key from the ignition, and Kagami waited for him to exit the vehicle, trying to meet the gaze he had focused on his lap.

When Aomine did speak, it was in little but a gravelly whisper, “...You saved my life, you know. I don’t...think I’d be here if it weren’t for you; I definitely wouldn’t be able to say that I’m clean, like I can now.” He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, seeming to revel in that fact once again, “I don’t have much to give you in return for all of that, but…” he looked up to meet Kagami’s eyes, and Kagami was surprised to see them bright and sincere, and full of love, “If you wanted it, I’d gladly give my life for you. So I guess...wh-what I’m trying to say is...I’d love to be married to you, if you’ll have me.”

Kagami’s hand lifted sharply, as if to hit him, but in the end it just lightly, affectionately bumped against his head, “Idiot, of course I will. You didn’t need the sappy speech…” Though he had been pretty sure he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen to his brain as he’d listened to Aomine speak like that, hanging on every word with bated breath.

Aomine grinned, and opened the car door beside him quickly, starting to get out of his seat, “Great, then let’s have celebratory sex.”

Taken aback, Kagami almost choked himself with his seatbelt as he tried to take it off, “I beg your pardon?”

Holding up the button he’d been given - “ _to your future_ ” flashing in front of Kagami’s eyes - Aomine got out of the car, but not before his grin slid into a wolfish smirk, “I’m feeling pretty good today, and I still need to pay you back for this morning.”

“For what?”  
“For accidentally seducing me,” Aomine replied matter-of-factly, and shut the door before Kagami could think of a response. His head kind of felt like it was spinning, trying to figure the last few seconds out, but eventually he just shrugged to himself and followed his boyfriend inside.

.

 

.

Aomine’s mouth latched onto Kagami’s as soon as they were through the apartment door, and his hands were already wrestling with his shirt, trying to take if off.

“Dumbass, we’re still in the entryway!” Kagami protested, once he managed to escape those ravenous lips to draw breath.

“So what?” Aomine panted, reaching for him again.

Kagami slapped his hands away, a flush creeping across the bridge of his nose, “ _So_ , it’s indecent; can’t you wait until we get to the bedroom at least?”

Aomine thought about it for a second, and then shook his head, “Nope, it’s been too long…” His eyes turned heated as they bored into Kagami’s own, the fire and hunger in them making Kagami’s knees feel weak, “I need you _now_.”

And that was how Kagami ended up pinned against the wall right next to the door, devouring Aomine’s mouth as he determinedly divested them of clothing, grinding their hips and growing erections together, making both of them moan. Then those hot, swollen lips moved away, freeing up his own to gasp for breath, and traveled down the side of his neck, sucking long and hard at the skin intermittently, no doubt leaving vivid purple marks in his wake. He lingered at the square of plastic stuck with adhesive to Kagami’s collarbone, the symbol that he was recovering right alongside him; placing a light kiss directly over it before moving on.

Kagami gave as good as he got, snaring his fingers in Aomine’s hair and rolling his hips against the ones pressed against him, gritting his teeth around a groan at the delicious friction. Aomine’s hand lowered between them, wrapping around both of their cocks and stroking them, grunting out a sound of pleasure against Kagami’s shoulder, before lifting his head to crash their lips together again. His tongue dipped into Kagami’s mouth, his own meeting it like an old lover, and they breathed into each other, lips melding, noses bumping and rubbing together lightly.

Then Aomine broke away, surveying Kagami with smug, lusty eyes, and his thumb rubbed against the heads of their arousals pressed together, smearing the sticky pre-cum welling up.

“Aomine…” Kagami hissed, head falling back against the wall as he pushed his hips into his lover’s hand. Shifting, Aomine made a low sound just this side of desperation and covered Kagami’s mouth with his own, licking at his lips and prying between them, his free hand coming up to stroke through Kagami’s hair.

And yet...strangely, Kagami could feel the erection jutting against his own starting to flag, and Aomine abruptly stopped jerking and lavishing them both and moved back a step, breaking the kiss with a ragged whisper of “Shit.”

Nonplussed, Kagami looked at him in confusion, his breath still coming in short, breathless bursts, his own cock still aching for the warm touch it was now bereft of.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, searching the familiar blue eyes that seemed determined not to look at him.

Aomine raked a hand through his own hair, looking flustered, “Shit, Kagami, I’m sorry…” he looked pointedly down at his own groin, where he had grown completely flaccid and lifeless, and made a helpless gesture with his hands, “That...happens sometimes.”

Kagami raised an eyebrow, “Since when.”

Hiding his eyes behind his hands, Aomine sighed angrily, “I dunno...a month or two ago?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know that either,” Aomine snapped in frustration, “I think either using heroin or being cut off from it made my own body start randomly blue-balling me. I’ve been horny as fuck and I can’t do a damn thing about it.”

 _Can that happen?_ Kagami hesitated, then reached out and gently cupped his cheek, turning his face so he could look in his eyes, concern evident in his own. Aomine’s cheeks were very red, embarrassment evident in the way he fidgeted and was reluctant to meet Kagami’s gaze. Kagami also noticed he’d referred to the drug by name, which he’d only heard him do twice; when he’d admitted to using it in the first place, and when he’d tried to explain why.

“It’s okay,” he said steadily, caressing the burning, beet-red cheek in his hand.

Aomine looked at him for a few seconds, seeming conflicted between gratitude, denial, and thwarted desire...and then hung his head, “No it’s not. I know it looks like...y-you must think I don’t want you enough to…” Floundering, he trailed off, lowering his hands to hide the evidence of his body’s betrayal; a strangely vulnerable, self-conscious action that made Kagami feel a flash of sympathy, but also melt for him all over again.

“I know you do,” he murmured, tilting his chin up, “Just a moment ago you were trying to eat me whole, and you were so eager to have me you couldn’t even wait until we got all the way inside...or even took off our shoes.” Voice lightening with amusement, he glanced down at Aomine’s feet, which were still covered by his shoes and socks, “You can’t help it if your body isn’t letting you...s-stay hard…” Clearing his throat, he tried to remain composed, but he thought he saw a tiny flicker of mirth cross Aomine’s face at the flustered stammer, and he was sure he was blushing too by now.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, and Kagami was dismayed to find his own erection hadn’t died down even a little over the course of the conversation, as he remained in close proximity to Aomine; still throbbing and hard as a rock.

“...What now?” Aomine asked tentatively, looking like he was dreading the answer.

“You mean in general, or right this second?”

He shrugged, “Both, I guess…”

“Well, in general...this doesn’t really change anything. Right this second, though…” he returned the shrug, his own more dismissive, “There are always other things we could do.”

Aomine obviously tried to conceal his relief, but Kagami still saw it, and was struck yet again by how adorable his boyfriend was capable of being.

“For example, I’d really like to kiss you, if that’s allowed,” he smirked, his hand circling the back of Aomine’s neck to bring him closer.

Aomine beat him to it; lunging and pressing a fervent, grateful kiss to his lips, hands stroking down his body cherishingly, as if in apology for the lapse. Kagami kissed him back just as hard, just as passionately, tangling his fingers in the short hair at the nape of his neck. The setback didn’t matter, the awkward interruption didn’t matter, even the past addiction - _past_ addiction; he still couldn’t believe it - that had caused both of those things didn’t matter. Because there was still the enormous, overlying fact that Aomine was alright now; he was clean, and he was trying his best to show Kagami how much he loved him, even if his own body turned against him.

Nothing - not time or conflict, not drugs or erectile dysfunction - would ever keep Kagami from showing Aomine how loved he was in return, even if that love was sometimes strained, or only came from one source...it would never ever stop.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Much shorter chapter than usual, considering it’s this story, but it is kind of the last one, so…
> 
> Yes, the next chapter will be the epilogue, and then this tale will at last come to an end. This story has been an adventure, and a challenge at every turn, and it was both frustrating and damn fun to write. I’ve had some truly amazing readers, and I hope you’ve enjoyed this story as much as I have.
> 
> Reviews are always appreciated; it takes a second and means a lot.
> 
> -Shinsun))


	14. Chapter 14

Epilogue

_Eleven years after…_

He was really going to get it this time. Throwing down the shiny, black, expensive, _chewed-up_ shoe in his hand, Kagami filled his lungs to confront the issue the way issues were usually confronted in this household; with shouting.

“Goddammit, Daiki, get your ass down here!”

There was a moment’s pause, and then his call was answered in the form of one annoyed tan bluenette - wearing only a loose pair of grey sweats and a smattering of stubble on his chin - lumbering down the stairs, the huge german shepherd that followed him like his shadow trotting at his heels, tail wagging like a flag of doom when it spotted Kagami.

“What?” Daiki scowled, tiredly rubbing his eyes with one hand; oblivious to the dog trying to pounce on Kagami, only warded off when Kagami brandished his cane (which also bore its fair share of teeth marks) at it, “I was trying to get at least an hour of sleep, you know, I was up filing case reports all night...”

Ignoring his complaints, Kagami quickly rose to his feet before the canine beast could get any closer, bracing his weight on the cane in his hand, “We are putting a muzzle on your stupid dog; it keeps using everything I own as a fucking chew toy,” he snarled.

“Maybe we could put a muzzle on _you_ , Taiga,” Daiki retorted without heat, a half-smirk curving his mouth, “You make more of a racket than _she_ d -”

“I thought you said that mutt was trained,” Kagami interrupted before his comment could turn suggestive, backing up a step from the dog that had once again tried to leap up at him.

Daiki lazily, unhurriedly turned his attention to the object of Kagami’s distress, “Tora, sit.”

Obediently, the fearsome animal planted its rump on the ground, turning to look at its master with adoration, tongue lolling out of its mouth. Kagami sighed. Daiki sure had opportunity to hold things over his head; his freaking police dog was named “ _tiger_ ”, a constant reminder of the pet name for Kagami he refused to abandon.

Kagami only put up with the damn dog in the first place because of its purpose to Daiki; after years of hard work and cleaning up his reputation, he’d finally overcome his past for good and made it onto the police force...the K-9 force, specifically, in which he earned his pay tracking down and catching drug dealers. Kagami still shook his head fondly to himself when he was reminded of the irony. In a few cases, he’d used his training - as well as previous knowledge of the minds of the dealers - to put the very same people who used to sell him heroin behind bars...it was almost like closure.

“Weren’t you going to pick up the girls from school and take them to Tetsu’s place?” Daiki went on after a moment, bracing his hands on his hips.

“I _was_ ,” Kagami muttered, “But then I saw the state of my shoes; how am I supposed to go out tonight in these?” He leaned down - with difficulty, as his stiff legs protested - and picked up the much-abused objects for Daiki to see.

Daiki shrugged, “You might have time to get a pair of new ones before -”

“No I fucking don’t!” Kagami snapped, “Do you know how hard it is to find a decent pair in my size? You should, we have the same size shoe…”

Inspecting the chewed-up leather critically with sharp indigo eyes that had long ago regained their old luster and alertness, his husband just smiled carelessly and patted Kagami’s shoulder, “It’s not that bad, I doubt anyone will even notice.”

“But -” Kagami protested.

“And if they do,” Daiki went on, talking right over him, “I’ll kick their asses.”

Melting at the protective statement, the resistance and hostility leaked out of Kagami in a great rush, “Or you could just flash your badge at them.”

“For the last time, I don’t have a damn badge,” Daiki mumbled. Then he brightened and leaned in to place a fleeting kiss on Kagami’s lips, murmuring against them, “You should get going, you’re going to be late.”

Sighing with the ever-present reluctance to part with him, Kagami stepped back and nodded, “Yeah, I know.” Unable to resist, ignoring the dog still sitting loyally by Daiki’s side, he shot forward and stole another brief press of lips, “See you tonight, Aho.”

Daiki wrinkled his nose adorably, the action making his thirty-year-old face look nineteen again, “That nickname doesn’t hold any significance anymore, when are you going to pick a new one?”

Poking him in the chest, Kagami turned to leave, throwing over his shoulder, “Sorry, but you’re stuck with it. Whatever you call yourself, you’ll always be my Aho.”

Giving a parting wave, he shuffled out the door, used to his own uneven stride by now, even if it still pissed him off after all these years. Walking had become a chore, instead of just a bodily function, after the last game of his all-too-short career playing for the Lakers. At first, it had been great, once he’d gotten himself back into shape...sure, sometimes after a particularly grueling day of practice he would find himself braced against the lockers, hacking up a lung, but he’d led his team to several victories before it all came crashing to an end. He hadn’t even lasted a year before his legs that had served him so well jumping to extreme, unbelievable heights finally reached their expiration date and gave out once and for all; buckling and sending him violently to the ground before he could complete that last spectacular dunk that would have decided the game. Since then he’d been condemned to a wheelchair, before hobbling on crutches for awhile, and then sporting a cane like an old geezer...which he’d admittedly used to whack his boyfriend - then fiancée, then husband - when he really got on his nerves.

Forced to retire on account of his failing legs, he’d been unwilling to give basketball up after he’d finally gotten another taste of it and revived the passion that had been tempered for a time after high school, now back full-force. He’d moved back to Japan, bought himself and his beloved a very large house with his last generous paycheck, and took up coaching a small club team instead. It wasn’t quite the same as being able to play, but it was enough, and he took pride in their accomplishments even if he couldn’t take part in them; only able to watch from the sidelines.

Aomine, of course, had insisted on following him anywhere he went, even if it meant moving all the way to America and back...and, a year after that first, tentative semi-proposal, Kagami had repeated it for real; getting on one knee with a ring and all that crap. Aomine, of course, said yes, and a month later, he was no longer Aomine Daiki, but Kagami Daiki. To Kagami, though, he was just Daiki, and had been from the moment he’d pressed his lips to the ones that had just murmured “I do,” with all the sincerity and fervor the arrogant, irritating asshole was capable of. It had been a beautiful white wedding, a new beginning for the both of them, and to this day it was right up there with the very happiest days of Kagami’s life.

Shaking his head to himself for being such a sentimental sap - though he supposed today of all days was a good day for reminiscing - Kagami parked in front of the elementary school and gathered up his cane to step outside. The dismissal bell had apparently just rung, because there was a veritable sea of children pouring out of the building, and he barely had time to get to the sidewalk before he was almost knocked flat on his ass on it, when a rapid bundle of spunk and energy and wild, red hair collided with his midriff.

“Daddy~!” the little girl cheered, reaching up to him with tiny, eager hands and beaming all over her sweet face.

Obligingly bending down, Kagami kissed her cheek, laughing and ruffling the bright crimson hair she’d inherited from him - although it was much longer and silkier, tied back in a ponytail, “How was your day, Emi?”

“It was _great_! We did stuff with _plants_ in science today!”

“Cool, what kind of plants?” Kagami grinned, placing his hand on her shoulder and walking with her to the other side of the school, devoting his full attention to her enthusiastic story about growing her very own bean sprout in a plastic cup and placing it by the window so it could “germinate” (which she put up a commendable effort to pronounce; Kagami doubted even he could have managed it).

When she came to the end of her tale to take a breath, Kagami looked up from her shining chestnut eyes to scan the schoolyard, “Ready to pick up your sister?” he asked.

“Mhm! We’re going to go to Uncle Tetsuya and Aunt Satsuki’s house today, right? You promised…”

Kagami chuckled, “I did. They’re both waiting for you, I’m sure you’ll have a great time.” His attention was diverted, as a familiar, portly woman stepped through the double doors, leading a much smaller girl with pale skin and a shock of indigo hair out of the school.

“And there’s Ai,” he smiled, striding as quickly as he could manage over to his youngest, “Thanks, Miss Goya,” he said to the translator, and then carefully knelt to his other daughter’s eye-level. His hands spoke for him, waving to her, and then going through a series of gestures that asked how her day was.

Ai pouted - a pout she got straight from her egotistical, big baby of a father - and her small, pudgy fingers bent and twisted to tell him another student had pushed her and made her cry. Then her hands stopped talking and both latched onto Kagami’s much bigger one, letting him lead her back to the car, her sign language translator and energetic sister trailing behind.

After they’d been married for a year, Kagami had asked his husband to consider seriously if they were going to start a family. Their options were, of course, limited, but they’d both been fine with adopting a child...until Momoi suggested a surrogate parent, which neither of them had realized was a possibility. She’d surprised them by offering herself up as a candidate, saying she was more than willing to help them in that department, and after some more serious discussion and several visits to the experts, Kagami had learned about artificial insemination, meaning neither of them would have to have sex with her or anything. Still, only when he’d asked and asked a thousand times if she was really okay with it (not to mention all the times he asked Daiki if he was), had he taken her up on her offer.

Nine months later, Emi was born, sporting Kagami’s redheaded temper and rather odd eyebrows, and every single ounce of Momoi’s beauty. She was amazing, perfect, and immediately, Kagami had been struck by a new kind of love and devotion he hadn’t been prepared for. Both he and Daiki doted over her, spoiling her rotten and treating her like a princess; in short, she had both of her daddies wrapped around her little finger, and somehow had turned out sweet, caring and kind in spite of that. ...Maybe with just a tiny bit of an attitude, but Kagami would have been disappointed if she hadn’t picked up sarcasm and sass eventually, considering who her parents were.

When Emi was five, and showing all the makings of an athletic champion - but also an interest in nature and science - Daiki had tentatively asked if Kagami wanted another child, and this time, there was some difficulty involved. Kagami had insisted that - even if he had trouble getting it up sometimes - Daiki should be the sperm donor this time, and he had adamantly refused. At first his excuse had been that it would be weird, and would feel kind of like he’d slept with Momoi, but eventually that fell flat, and Kagami was made aware of his real reason.

“Do you really want me passing... _this_ on to our child?” At the harshly stressed word, he’d made a crude gesture at himself, and suddenly Kagami understood. With the damage he’d inflicted on himself for years, it was a very real possibility that side-effects would be inherited by his children, and doing some research had put all kinds of terrifying ideas in Kagami’s head. Still, he stood by his resolution.

“I want him or her to be strong and beautiful; to look in the mirror and see your eyes looking back.”

It took a long time, and a lot of pleading and convincing on his part, but finally Daiki had cautiously agreed, and asked Momoi - now Kuroko’s wife - if she would be willing to carry a baby for them a second time. After talking it over with Kuroko as well, it turned out they were both on board.

When Ai was born, completely whole and healthy, it was obvious to Kagami that Daiki was cut deep; helpless in front of her round face and beautiful blue eyes, and he’d been achingly gentle when he held her, as if she were made of glass. He’d done more crying than she had, that first day; first openly in relief, then later into Kagami’s shoulder, saying over and over that she was a little angel, a miracle, and he would protect her with every breath in his body.

Almost a year went by before they realized not all was well with little Ai. She was unresponsive to a lot of their attempts to get her attention, and after that first, peaceful day of her resting quietly, she’d cried and screamed at the top of her tiny lungs almost constantly. They took her to a pediatrician, and after a lot of tests and a lot of scratching heads in confusion, they learned that their youngest daughter, their little angel, had been born deaf.

Daiki was devastated, and Kagami knew he blamed himself entirely for what had happened to his little girl. He’d found him leaning over Ai’s crib more than once, lightly stroking her soft hair so similar to his own, fighting back tears and whispering shaky, miserable apologies that she was unable to hear.

The spell of hopelessness was only brief, though, and in Ai’s second year she was put through every kind of physical therapy they could afford, as she learned to speak without words and her family learned to communicate with her diligently. It got to the point where Kagami sometimes accidentally signed to the kids on the team he coached instead of addressing them verbally, and even Daiki’s dumb dog ended up trilingual like the rest of them; knowing several commands in Japanese, English, and sign language. Four years old and now in preschool, Ai was still very shy and a little listless, but she no longer threw screaming tantrums, and Kagami didn’t know if she understood, but he’d seen Daiki promise with his hands that one day they would be able to get her a cochlear implant, and then she would hear her daddies’ voices for the first time.

Daiki's "girl" had definitely not left their family untouched. It was no longer a daily, unavoidable influence on his life, but his arm still bore the scars from his needles, faded though they were. Scars their daughters had inevitably asked about. Daiki had given Kagami a helpless look, at a loss for what to say, and after a moment Kagami had explained in his place. He'd brought Emi into his lap, and Ai into Daiki's, and wove them a rather ad-libbed and rather tall tale about a strong warrior named Aomine, who had fought a long, terrible battle against an evil witch that put a spell on him and hurt the people he cared about. He told them how courageous Aomine had finally defeated the witch and broke the spell, and the marks on his arm were battle scars.

"They kind of look like lightning," Emi had commented, scrutinizing her father's inner elbow thoughtfully from where she sat.

Rolling with it, Kagami had just smiled, "They are...they're his lightning bolts of bravery."

Later, Daiki had smacked him for being so sappy and "spewing all that fairy tale crap", but while he'd been telling the story he'd seen look of surprise, and then gratitude crossing his face. Gratitude that couldn't even measure up to that which Kagami felt, every day; just knowing he'd given up one treacherous "girl" long ago, and in return had gained two new girls who were so much better for him, who had innocently traced the marks left by the poison he'd once harbored in his veins, and smiled at him in wonder.

.

 

.

The door opened to a small, pleasant smile and an acknowledging murmur of “Kagami-kun,” before Kuroko opened it wider, allowing his guests inside. His winter blue eyes turned a shade warmer with affection as they landed on his smaller company, “How are you today, Emi-chan?”

Emi’s smile seemed to hold all the pure, innocent joy in the world as she answered, “I’m good!”

“That’s good,” Kuroko nodded staidly, but his eyes were dancing with amusement. He turned to Ai and went through a rather slow, choppy greeting with his thin, pale hands - not as versed and accustomed to sign language as those in Kagami’s family - and she gave him a rather lopsided smile, bad day apparently forgotten, and answered him.

“Why don’t the two of you head to the kitchen?” Kuroko went on, as Miss Goya stepped in and translated the suggestion to Ai from beside him, “We are going to be making cookies tonight; but do not let your aunt near the oven or we’ll have nothing but ashes to eat.”

Giggling with excitement, Emi dragged her little sister along, letting go of her hand after a few steps to tell her in rapid sign language about all the fun things they were going to do tonight. Miss Goya followed behind more sedately, used to their antics by now.

Kuroko watched after them with a fond expression that Kagami was sure was reflected on his own face, before turning back to him, “You have everything in order for tonight, Kagami-kun?”

Kagami gave a long-suffering sigh, “Almost. Daiki’s damn dog chewed up my only good pair of dress shoes.”

Kuroko seemed unfazed, and just shrugged, “You have the same size; why don’t you just wear his and make him wear yours?”

Kagami blinked, and then shared a laugh with his old friend, enjoying the simple pleasure of it, “I didn’t think of that; you’re quite the evil mastermind, as always, Kuroko.”

“Hm, speaking of evil masterminds,” he glanced back at the kitchen, where evidence of Emi’s rambunctious enthusiasm was evident in what sounded like a rolling pin clattering to the ground, “I had better rescue Satsuki-san and Ai-chan from your eldest before the whole house comes down.”

“Yeah,” Kagami agreed absently, “Keep an eye on them, won’t you?”

“Two eyes,” Kuroko said serenely, starting to step back, “You have a good time, Kagami-kun...and happy anniversary to both of you.”

Kagami nodded with a muttered “Thanks,” and, waving over his shoulder, started down the steps that posed him a little difficulty before getting back in the car; trusting without a doubt that his daughters would be well cared for tonight. As he headed for home, he halfheartedly hoped his lazy, good-for-nothing husband would be ready to go by the time he got there.

.

 

.

Of course he wasn’t. Sprawled out half-dressed on the sofa, the bastard had actually had the nerve to fall back asleep, chest rising and falling gently; the giant, furry form of Tora curled up on his legs, muzzle twitching in whatever demented dog dreams she was having. Probably about eating more of Kagami’s possessions. The demonic creature leapt up immediately when he opened the door, though he’d tried to be quiet, and started barking, eliciting a cringe of barely-suppressed terror from Kagami, as his plans for tonight warred with his instinct to run far, far away from dogs of any shape and size.

With a muzzy, half-conscious groan, Daiki waved a hand at his dog sleepily, “Shut up, Tora, i’s probably jus’ the mailman.”

Tora shut up, jaws snapping together, but her eyes were still fixed on Kagami like he was a tenderized piece of meat, tail twitching dangerously.

“It’s not the mailman, dumbass,” Kagami scowled, hitting his husband none-too-gently over the head with the business end of his cane.

“Ow! Fuck!” Daiki yelped, sitting up so fast he almost toppled off the couch, before whipping around to glare at his attacker, “What the hell, Taiga?”

“Don’t ‘what the hell’ me; we have reservations, remember?” Kagami snapped, “Get your lazy ass up and finish getting ready.”

“Keep your shirt on, we’ve got time,” Daiki grumbled, gingerly rubbing the back of his head where he’d been whacked, “Besides, _you’re_ not dressed up and ready to go yet.”

“I will be in about a second, and then we’re leaving whether you’re ready or not.”

“Why wake me up then?”

Sighing exasperatedly, Kagami poked his cheek, where he’d apparently forgotten to shave, “You missed a spot.”

Daiki blinked, and then smiled defeatedly, “Alright, alright, I’m up.” Pushing off the sofa - dislodging all 90-something pounds of solid german shepherd from his legs - he got to his feet and stretched, providing an excellent view of his toned bronze chest peeking through the folds of his dress shirt. Kagami’s eyebrow twitched.

“Come here, you idiot,” he commanded huskily, jerking him closer by the lapels of his shirt so they were toe to toe, chests pressed together, and attacking his mouth roughly with his own.

Startled, Daiki only stiffened a moment before surrendering to him, parting his lips in invitation. An invitation Kagami was only too pleased to take, plunging his tongue eagerly into his mouth and drowning in the warm tang of the man he'd been married to for ten years tonight, the man he'd belonged to long before then; the dark chocolate and satin that was _Kagami_ Daiki.

He felt himself sway dangerously, having discarded his cane when he pulled Daiki close, and instinctively clutched at his husband's shoulders, trying to regain his balance before he fell and collapsed them both. Immediately, smooth, strong hands wrapped around him, holding him close and keeping him steady, and Daiki disconnected the kiss briefly to place a lighter one on his nose.

"Easy, Taiga," he murmured, stroking a hand down his back, "I got you, babe."

Kagami breathed a short, inaudible sigh of relief, and brought their mouths together again. At this closer proximity, he had full access to the muscled chest that had tantalized him, and he lavished and petted the hot flesh as the ribs beneath his fingers expanded and relaxed with Daiki's breathing. Finding one dusky nipple in the folds of his half-shed shirt, he rolled it teasingly, stroking his tongue slowly against his lover's lower lip and teeth.

A dark, sensual chuckle vibrated against his mouth, and Daiki broke the kiss again, now slightly out of breath, “Save something for later tonight...we’re on a tight schedule for this fancy dinner, aren’t we?” The back of one of his hands caressed Kagami’s cheek lightly, and his burning eyes spoke of exactly how little he cared about the fancy dinner, and exactly how much he cared about the person flushed and panting in his arms.

Smiling weakly, Kagami leaned up a centimeter to look directly into those endless blue eyes he’d loved for fourteen years, and would continue to love for a hundred more, if he could, “...Fuck the schedule. Fuck the reservations; I’ve got all the fancy dinner I need right here.”

The delighted grin Daiki gave him could have melted his heart or knocked him right off his feet, and he leaned in until their lips were a hair's breadth apart, “God, I love you.” With that, his hands shot up to tangle in the back of Kagami’s hair, stealing his breath with a deep, passionate kiss. As they twined together, bodies, hearts, and souls, the rest of the world seemed to just fall away, and Kagami smiled to himself against the lips he would have chased to the ends of the Earth, feeling his lover’s damaged but still resilient heart beating in time with his own.

He couldn’t have asked for more.

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((And now, we come to the end of Drowning...which I’m considering renaming “Girl With Golden Eyes” after a song by Sixx A.M. about heroin addiction. I’ll think about it.
> 
> Well, that’s my first real, long KNB fanfiction, completed. What did you think? Reviews are very much appreciated, every one means a lot.
> 
> Thank you, lovely readers, for sticking with me through this story, and now I can move on to the other’s clamoring for my attention...though I’ll probably be coming back to edit this one here and there, as needed. Until then, this is where I leave these two hopeless lovebirds, with the happy ending they deserve.
> 
> -Shinsun))


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